Corpus delicti, the main object of a crime. It’s proof that a crime has taken place. In the case of murder, the body is the corpus delicti, a detail that’s often the focus of mystery and crime fiction.

Writers go to great lengths to help the enthusiastic reader leave the comfort of their homes to accompany the protagonist as he or she embarks on a quest to solve a carefully plotted crime. And, during the writing process, writers sometimes travel a few feet past the expected “extra mile.” A step that sometimes lands them at the bottom of a freshly dug hole.

So let’s examine the dreaded “hole” and how not to write yourself into one. To begin, we’ll ask the feds to assist. Keep in mind that the hole mentioned below is the overwritten scene in your current WIP, the one your critique partners want you to revisit but you think is fine as is.

Ready? Okay, let’s take a brief walk into the woods where we see…

Now we must ask ourselves, how many federal agents does it take to look into a hole?

Easy answer – Six.

One to do the official looking.

One to observe the looker to be sure the civil rights of nearby squirrels aren’t violated.

One to video the event, confirming that no rights were violated and that the opening in the earth is indeed a hole.

One to collect samples of the void for laboratory analysis (eight scientists will later conduct tests that will confirm nothing was there).

One Assistant Agent in Charge to supervise the operation, call in air support and ground teams that include two dozen agents who’ll scour the forest for clues and to sample the surrounding air for possible matches to air found in the hole. The ASAC will also bring in a few number-crunchers who’ll begin a 12-year study about holes and their role in climate change and the fluctuation of the violent crime rate. A parallel study will examine holes and their significance in the extinction of the wooly mammoth. Homeland Security will also be called in to provide perimeter security and to install video and audio surveillance equipment to record any movement or increase in size of the hole, an act that could be related to terrorism. Seven heavily-armed drones are on standby.

Finally, the last team member is the Special Agent in Charge whose duty is to supervise the ASAC. The SAC will also appear on camera as the official spokesperson at all news conferences. The appearances will serve as a lead-up to running for political office.

Media sources catch wind of the investigation and run stories with headlines such as:

FEDS UNCOVER MASSIVE HOLE IN EARTH CONTAINING SUSPICIOUS INVISIBLE REMAINS: END OF TIMES COVER UP?

And:

#HOLESLIVESMATTER GROUP TO MARCH AT LOCATION OF RIGHTS-VIOLATED HOLE IN GROUND

The president orders the Justice Department to investigate. The hole is invited to the White House for a beer and a private concert by Courtney Love and her former band, HOLE. The local police department is disbanded. Two senators are impeached. A no-fly zone is established over the area. Segregated safe spaces are created for all woodland creatures. An executive order was issued requiring all animals to pee behind the same tree. No one is permitted to say “Trump” or “Hillary.” The speech restriction is so stringent that one agent was suspended for two weeks without pay for saying,” This place is hilly.” Of course, the press ran with it, turning the phrase into, “FEDERAL AGENT BLAMES HILLARY FOR HOLE COVER UP.” A second headline read, “TRUMP TO BUILD WALL AROUND HOLE.”

All local universities and other schools are placed on indefinite lockdown. California residents, although 2,000 miles away, are ordered to shut off all water. CVS stores across the country are immediately evacuated in preparation for imminent destruction by fire. The National Guard surrounds all bird sanctuaries to prevent hostile takeovers. Bernie continues to promise free everything and Ted Cruz removes his Grandpa Munster mask and goes into hiding. Sarah Palin is speechless. It’s total and complete CHAOS!

Total cost for Operation Hole in the Ground – $242 million. Official finding = It’s a hole.

Finally…

Moral of the story? A hole is just a hole and it doesn’t take two pages of unnecessary words to describe it, unless you’re an employee of the federal government, in which case a 1,200 page report is acceptable as a first draft.

So write only what’s needed to further the story. Trim the excess and cut the fat. For example, a shortened version of the “hole” story:

Ralph Bumberner took a walk in the woods behind his house, searching for a place to bury his wife’s body. He came across a hole—six feet by four—but decided it was too close to the house and would be easy for police to find, especially the FBI agent who lived down the road, so he continued walking. He made a mental note of the location, though, so he wouldn’t stumble into the shallow pit while dragging Myrtle to her final resting place.

Elmore Leonard had this to say in 10 Rules of Writing.  – “My most important piece of advice to all you would-be writers: When you write, try to leave out all the parts readers skip.”

*No federal agents were harmed during the writing of this article. References to those brave law enforcement officials were purely tongue-in-cheek. Myrtle, however, didn’t make it.

How do you start your day? A cup of coffee, a piece of toast, a glance at the morning paper? A nice long run on the path beside the duck pond? Maybe you prefer to watch the morning news while having a steaming bowl of oatmeal before heading off to the office where you’ll spend at least eight grueling hours dealing with clients, paperwork, employee woes, supervisor troubles, payroll issues, and, well, we all know how exhausting a work day can be, right?

Suppose there’s no time for coffee, though. No oatmeal or cornflakes. No toast or Pop Tarts. Instead, your office calls and says you’re needed right away. So you head out the back door and sprint to your car. Fifteen minutes later you’re enjoying a brisk, adrenaline-filled scuffle with a murderer who’s crazy-high on methamphetamine. Ten minutes after securing the killer behind bars you’re lucky enough to have a lovely peek at a bloated body that’s teeming with hundreds of writhing, squiggly maggots.

Yes, that’s how some cops start their day. How about you? Does your job description include wondering if a wanted cop killer is hiding in the trunk of the stolen car you’ve just pulled over?

How often does your boss send you out to a deserted location to pick up the guy who was last seen carving up his elderly neighbor like a Thanksgiving turkey?

Perhaps, instead of eating lunch you can stand out in the hot sun, on asphalt that’s at least 130 degrees, to direct traffic around an auto crash where a mother and her young children were killed by a hit and run driver.

I know this happens every day at your place of employment—a man walks in off the street, naked, holding a knife to his own throat. So you, or one of your coworkers try to talk him into putting down the knife and allow you to help him. Of course, the man begins shouting and cutting himself, severely. So you reach into your desk drawer, push aside a stapler and a pack of gum, and grab your handy TASER.

Maybe you’re a pizza delivery person who receives regular training on maneuvering through tight spots while driving at high speeds.

You get the picture. A cop’s world is, well, a world of its own. And it’s up to you, the writer, to bring your readers inside this most unique place that’s occupied by real people who just happen to have a job that’s a bit different than yours.

A police agency is sort of like a pot of stew—lots of different ingredients (officers and other employees) come together to make one dish. In real life, those ingredients are a diverse group of individuals, with different mannerisms, ways of speaking, beliefs, backgrounds, etc.

In other words, no two officers/detectives think and/or act the same, and that’s how those characters should be written. Diversity, diversity, diversity.

Keep in mind, too, that police officers are real people who do real things, including grocery shopping, sing in church choirs, play ball, spend time with their kids, cook, go to movies, etc.

There are many possibilities regarding officer assignments, and the larger the department the more divisions/duty assignments are available, such as detective divisions, SWAT, CSI, etc. In smaller departments patrol officers may do it all—1st responder, crime scene investigation, witness interviews, interrogate suspects, collect evidence, fingerprint and book suspects, etc.

Still, the job of police officer is extremely unique and you owe it to your readers to offer them a believable story, even if it means…hold on to your hat…doing a bit of research. Believe it or not, you’ll probably have a lot of fun “on the inside.” For example, you might see…

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. But before I close and head out for a doctor’s appointment, I’d like to walk you through the rest of of a police officer’s normal day (if there is such a thing as a normal day for officers). So here goes…drug dealers, shots fired, fighting, lost children, crying mothers, abusive parents, hungry children, murder, suicide, shoplifters, pursuits, fatigue, carjacking, crack cocaine, addicts, prostitutes, burglars, no lunch, robbers, assaults, bleeding, spit on by abusive citizens, battered spouses, drunks, rabid animals, B&E, lost pets, remove wild animal in citizen’s garage, pool, or basement, bad checks, autopsy, trip to crime lab, traffic accident, shots fired, fighting again, more lost children, more crying mothers, speeders, question witnesses, peeping toms, search woods filled with tons of poison ivy, serve warrants, miss child’s play at school, citizen can’t get furnace to work, dog stuck in drain pipe, citizen locked keys in car, see a woman about Elvis hiding behind the cheesecake in her refrigerator, citizen locked herself in bedroom and doesn’t know how to turn button on doorknob to get out, pull unconscious man from burning house, citizen hears prowler, kids throwing water balloons at elderly people, check homes for people while they’re on vacation, testify in court, 4-12 officer calls in sick—must work 8 more hours.

And, of course, there are moments like this one that make it all worthwhile…

We recently took a short trip where I ran into a fellow who considers himself an expert on writing fiction. He’s also a retired police detective. The wise old gentleman wouldn’t tell me his name, asking that I refer to him as “The Professor.” He did share some of his writing tips with me. He also introduced me to the members of his close circle of friends, and you’ll meet them in the coming days. Anyway, here’s what The Professor (pictured above) had to say about the correlation between police officers and fictional character development.

The Professor – Police officers have unknowingly cornered the market on developing believable fictional characters. And, it’s something they do on a daily basis while interviewing witnesses to crimes. Their job is to help those witnesses reach deep into the corners of their minds, where they’ve stored details that help round out descriptions of suspects—scars, tattoos, a limp, a missing finger, an odd accent, a habit of throat clearing or twirling a lock of hair, a mole on the cheek, a distinct cologne, etc. The end result is a wonderfully detailed picture of a unique person who’d stand out in a crowd of dozens.

Writers have the same job, to develop characters with unique qualities and physical appearance. Writers must go a few steps further, though, showing readers the characters’ personalities, their strengths and flaws, and how they live their lives.

It’s best when writers introduce character traits through means other than like listing a string of grocery items—he was a tall, thin, bald, and nervous man. Instead, how about…

Andre ducked when he entered the bedroom, which, as with most pro basketball players, was something he was used to doing, in every single house he’d ever visited. Thankfully, the ceiling inside this particular room was vaulted. His slick scalp reflected the light from the overhead fixture, a human-powered lighthouse beacon.

Andre flashed a lopsided smile at his dying friend, exposing a set of teeth as bright as the keys on a new Steinway piano. He couldn’t find the right words to say to the man he’d known since childhood, so he stood at the foot of his friend’s deathbed, jingling the change in his pocket.

Sure, sometimes writers have a bit of difficulty bringing life to characters, so here are a couple of methods that might help out.

Try interviewing your character.

Pretend you’re sitting across the breakfast table from, say…this guy…

You want to know what makes this fellow tick. So you might want to start out the interview by asking…

1. Are you angry because you recently filed your teeth to sharp points and now you’re in excruciating pain?

2. What are your favorite foods?

3. Where do you live?

4. Have you killed anyone else besides your mother and the ladies of the Afternoon Tea Club?

5. Do have any hobbies? Well, other than chopping people into tiny bits?

6. What is your deepest, darkest secret? I know you mentioned wanting to learn ballet, but I mean something you’re holding really deep down.

7. What’s your favorite color, other than blood red, that is?

8. Are you religious?

9. What’s your favorite time of day? You know, when you’re most active doing whatever it is you do?

10. What is your most valued possession? No, I don’t mean the girl in the basement.

Once you’ve completed the interview, try asking your soon-to-be character if it’s okay if you have a quick look around the inside of his house (you may have to promise that you won’t call the police, or his shrink). During the quick tour of his charming abode, make note of the things you see. A character’s possessions will tell you a great deal about him.

1. Clothing – you see nothing but tattered and well-worn overalls and grungy work shirts. Now you know he’s probably a man who works with his hands. This could indicate someone who frequents honky-tonk bars and has friends who drive rusted and dented pickup trucks. A matchbook collection from various bars would also be a clue. So would a scrapbook containing locks of assorted hair colors and types, all labeled “Girls from bars I go to.”

Suits and ties = a man who works in an office setting, therefore he most likely pals around with the upper class people.

2. Your guy from the above photo might possess a backpack filled with human heads, and that could be a great clue about his hobbies and interests.

3. There may be a secret door in “pointy-teeth’s” bedroom that leads to a torture chamber. Now you know where he spends his weekends.

4. Are his things new, old, broken, or meticulously cared for?

5. If he were to take a trip, what would he pack to be certain all his needs would be met?

6. The very last question of your life might be, “Why do you keep your best cutlery locked in that bloodstained footlocker?

So, these are only a few examples of ways to squeeze important details from your characters. There are more tips on the way, featuring an unusual cast of characters. So please stay tuned…

Leading characters should be written as real people with real problems and real goals. They’re people a reader wants to care about. Protagonists are likeable and smart, yet flawed in some way.

Sure, the hero will win, we know that, and we love seeing them doing what they do to solve the murder du jour. But what should they NOT do while poking and prodding through crime scenes? Well, here’s a short list of seven things we shouldn’t see in your books.

1. Picking up the murder weapon at an already secure homicide scene is a no-no. First, be sure the weapon was photographed exactly as it was found. Next, when the time comes to move the weapon, the detective should use care to protect possible fingerprints, trace evidence, and DNA. Of course, if the scene is not secure and 100 people are still running through the area like crazed zombies, officers should immediately secure the weapon to prevent contamination and the possibility of becoming murder victim number two.

2. Don’t let your hero cover the body with things found at the crime scene (blankets, sheets, the living room rug) because doing so could transfer potential evidence from the covering to the body, or from the body to the covering. I promise, the dead guy doesn’t care that he’s lying on the floor in his birthday suit.

3. Don’t let Richard Castle plunder around inside your protagonist’s crime scene. Outsiders are apt to step on evidence, move evidence, bring things into the crime scene (fibers, etc.) that shouldn’t be there, and touch things. A crime scene isn’t the place to have a conversation about going to Cape Cod on vacation while walking from room to room drinking a cup of coffee. This also isn’t the time for shyness. If necessary, have the hero ordering people to remain outside the perimeter.

4. Please don’t allow your hero to dig a bullet from the door casing and then say, “Just as I suspected, the murder weapon is a 9mm SIG Sauer.” It’s darn near impossible to know the caliber of misshapen bullets/fragments merely by looking at them. And they certainly wouldn’t be able to guess which brand of gun fired it. The same is true about entrance and exit wounds. You can’t judge the caliber size merely by glancing at an entrance wound in flesh.

5. Revolvers do NOT automatically eject spent brass. If empty casings are found at the crime scene it’s because the shooter manually dumped them there, which would be highly unlikely. Semi-automatics and automatic weapons do automatically eject spent casings, but you won’t find them in a neat little pile beside the body. Normally, semi- and fully-automatic weapons eject brass a few feet away from the shooter, and they may bounce in several directions, depending on the surface/item they strike—concrete floor, wood flooring, lamps, tables, carpeting, etc.

6. Robbers cannot rob a house. A robbery occurs when a bad guy forces someone to give him money/items. Breaking into an empty house and taking a TV or jewelry is burglary. The two are not synonymous. They are not the same!

7. Cordite. Need I address this again? Your hero won’t smell cordite because the stuff is no longer used in modern ammunition.