“Why the hell won’t you die?” ~ Crook of the week, Gwen, to intended victim du jour.

Important announcement!

The skies are a bit dark around here today. The halls in The Graveyard Shift are quiet. There’s only one coffee mug on the conference table, and one of the only two chairs in the boardroom is empty. We call out her name, but she doesn’t answer.

Yes, the Good Cop has left the building. When I arrived at work this morning I found this note thumbtacked to the door.  I blame the writers of season 9 for this tragedy.

Dear loyal fans and friends.

For the first time since Castle first aired on March 9, 2009, I did not watch the show live. I recorded it on my DVR but cannot stomach watching it yet, so I cannot critique it this morning. I’ll wait until the season ends, then possibly binge watch from this episode to the end — except for the finale. If I find out Kate dies, I will never watch that. I simply can’t do it.

The show began with the premise of a writer and his muse solving crimes: Rick Castle and Kate Beckett started out as adversaries but soon became friends, then fell in love. The show’s creators, Andrew Marlowe and Terri Edda Miller, have said many times that they set out to write “a great love story”, and they did a fabulous job of it. Rick and Kate fell in love and got married. Such a beautiful, heartfelt tale. A tale that captured the hearts of fans.

Castle fans want a happy ending. For Rick and Kate to remain happy, despite the many obstacles in their way, and have a family and then sail off into the sunset together. Always.

We now know this will never happen, and fans are heartbroken. Shame on ABC and whoever else may be responsible (some people claim Nathan Fillion is to blame, but who knows?) The show is broken beyond repair now that the powers-that-be have refused to renew Stana Katic’s contract and made clear their plan to move Rick, Alexis, Hayley, and Rick’s P.I. business to L.A. six months after Kate’s demise for season nine — complete with a new love interest for Rick. Really? No. Freaking. Way. He wouldn’t get over Kate that quickly, if ever.

I’d rather shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails than to watch this travesty. The show I have loved for eight seasons is gone, and I can’t watch it limp along to the end. I’d much rather ABC just cancel Castle and end the misery. Rebooting with a story so far from the premise is a slap in the face to fans. So I will not blog about this show anymore, although I might send Lee a note to include in weeks to come. We shall see.

Thank you so much for reading our blog all these years! We hope to find another show to critique soon, so stay tuned.

Melanie, the Good but Sad Cop

Now, this is between us. I’ve heard a rumor circulating around the “inner circle” that a group of Castle bad guys ambushed and kidnapped Melanie after overpowering her and taking away her gun. You know, like what happens to Beckett every five or six episodes. So we’re sending out a team of highly-skilled pros to try to find her and bring her back. We hope there’s been no foul play. In the meantime…

Have You Seen This Person?

Melanie Atkins

Okay, we’re all professionals here, so the show must go on. starting with…Lanie.

As usual we see her checking out the dead body of the week (or so she thinks). Nothing unusual since the writers use her as an info dump to set the stage for the case. This week, instead of her typical “based on lividity” crapola, she said, “All signs point to poison—dilated pupils, bluish discoloration around the lips—that’s a giveaway. But I’ll know for sure after the autopsy.”

Well, that sounded pretty cool, right? Not so fast, Lanie.

Pupils fixed and dilated and bluish discoloration around the lips are also possible signs that someone is in serious need of medical attention, because they are in the process of dying, or they’re suffering from a serious medical issue, such as paralysis of the sphincter papillae muscle in the eye, a reaction to certain drugs, a severe blow to the head, or even a medical condition. The blueness around the lips is a sign of lack of oxygen in the blood that could be caused by pneumonia, a blood clot in the lungs, etc.

In other words, these symptoms are NOT exclusive to poisoning.

Okay, yes TTX (Tetrodotoxin) is a poison that’s found in some fish, and it is deadly, with an onset of symptoms that occur quite rapidly. But not instantly as we saw in last night’s episode. The stuff had barely touched “Safety Man’s” lips when he began tossing his cookies and falling into a brief stage of unconsciousness.

TTX symptoms typically begin within a few minutes, ten or so, after ingesting the toxin (it’s found in the liver and sex organs of some fish, such as puffer fish, toadfish, and some octopus and shellfish). However, the onset could begin 3-6 hours after consuming the poison.

The first stage of TTX poisoning is a tingling sensation in the lips and tongue, followed by facial and extremity numbness, headache, sensations of lightness or floating, profuse sweating, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, difficulty moving, weakness, and speech difficulties.

And then comes the dilated pupils, coma, difficulty breathing, seizures, and death (death can occur anywhere from 20 minutes to 8 hours after consumption of the toxin).

So please, writers, do NOT use Lanie’s “poisonous information” in your next book!

*By the way, if you’d like to read more about TTX or other poisons, you might want to pick up a copy of Book of Poisons, A Guide for Writers. It, along with my book on police procedure and Doug Lyle’s Forensics book, are in the Writer’s Digest Howdunit series.

Next, Lividity Lanie has a conversation with the ER doctor who’s quick to point out Lanie’s Voodooish mistakes when pronouncing a man dead who was, in fact, very much alive. The doctor asked if lividity and/or rigor were present. Lanie responded with, “No rigor or lividity because he’d been dead less than an hour.” Well, wasn’t it Lanie who, for eight long years and time after time after time (incorrectly) used lividity as the sole determining factor for time of death? Yet, she she finds none this one time? This time she was right, but…GRRR….

Let’s move on to Beckett, a police captain who used to be as tough as thirty-year-old shoe leather and as clever as a combination of Holmes and Einstein. However, she’s now a bumbling idiot who can barely function as a police officer. Actually, she barely comes across as a wife, lover, and friend to her husband. The writers have stripped this character of all of her, well, character. Anyway, a thuggish attorney threatens Beckett’s life, in her office at the police precinct, and she let’s him walk out. Yeah, right. In real life he’d have been in handcuffs faster than Castle could say something stupid, which in this episode occurred with nearly every breath he took.

And then there was the request to search a private business. The judge denied that request based on the fact that probable cause did not exist, which was a first for this show. Yet they searched the place anyway by having the “Groundhog Day” dead guy pretend to be there in his official capacity as safety inspector. Wrong, wrong, and doubly wrong. That might’ve been an illegal search, one that I doubt the city would be pleased to learn that was led by one of their inspectors. At the very least, I certainly wouldn’t want to be in their shoes (Beckett and the other members of the search team) if the case went before the judge who denied the warrant.

Finally…the Loksat BS was back stinking up the place.

What an absolute mess the writers and ABC have created. Even Fillion’s scenes this week were waaaaay over the top silly. What are trying to prove? That they know how to ruin what was once a fabulous show enjoyed by fans worldwide? That they can write horrible storylines and dialog? That they do not care one speck about the fans? That they do not respect the viewers?

I know I’ll be glad when this mess is over and done for good.

And, they turned Melanie from Good Cop to Sad Cop, and that’s downright unforgivable.

Lee Lofland

“Safety first.” ~ Castle, as he slips on a helmet before joining Beckett in bed.

Melanie Atkins

What a perfect title for last night’s show (which I hated, BTW), because ABC has just stabbed Castle fans in the back with their refusal to re-up Stana Katic’s and Tamala Jones’ contracts for season 9 to make a different version of the show. Stana did not deserve this.

I’ve never liked Hayley (no offense to the actress who plays her), and I despise what Terrance Paul Winter and Alexi Hawley have done to my former favorite show. And NO, I will not watch Castle in its new form. I simply can’t, because Castle just isn’t the same without the Caskett romance. I’ve hated season eight for that reason. Fans are up in arms and have taken to social media in a big way to protest this fiasco. I hope ABC loses tons of money on this stupid idea and decides to cancel the show instead of mutilating it more than they already have. Just remembering the trash they’ve given us this season makes me sick to my stomach.

I had trouble watching this episode, because watching what they’ve done to this show simply hurt way too much. I’ve loved Castle since day one because of the romance between Kate and Rick. The two characters had so much chemistry. The writing was excellent (in the first six or so seasons, anyway), and the writers gave us plenty of laughs. They hooked me right away, and I couldn’t stop watching. I’ve bought all the DVDs and the Rick Castle books and read tons of fanfiction over the years. Sure, I’ve occasionally not liked an episode or two and I absolutely hated Kate’s stint in DC, the end of season six, with the aborted wedding, and the stupid reason they came up with for Rick’s disappearance, but I still love the characters and wish the show could go on in its original incarnation with the great writing it had in its early years.

I may not blog again after this because I’m not sure I can. And I doubt I’ll watch the season eight finale, because I simply cannot watch Kate Beckett die. No way, no how. The Rick Castle that I know could not go on without her, and he certainly wouldn’t be yukking it up with Alexis and Hayley as Castle P.I. after her death. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

I’m extremely hurt and disappointed in ABC and the current showrunners. How could they do such a wonderful show? WHY did they do this? <sob>

I’ve enjoyed blogging with Lee to critique this show. It’s been a fun ride. We plan to find a new show to critique eventually, so stay tuned to see what happens next. I just know I can’t do this anymore. My thanks to the cast and crew for a fabulous show (before the current people ruined it). I appreciate all your hard work and the time you committed to this project.

So goodbye, Castle, because the show just won’t be the say without the Caskett romance. My love to Rick and Kate.

Always.

Lee Lofland

Before I begin with my portion of the review I feel that I should address the recent news regarding the non-return of Stana Katic and Tamala Parish in season 9, if there is a season 9, that is. If the show is renewed, and I think it will be, I believe we could ultimately see the “Castle, Alexis, and Hayley PI Show” in the slot next year. (Alexis told Hayley just last night that she’ll never have to face anything alone again).

Unfortunately, Castle has become a total and complete train wreck that has driven many viewers nearly to the point of leaping off cliffs, self-mutilation, and sheer madness. Therefore, booting Beckett from the lineup was not a surprise. Nothing that happens on this show surprises me, actually.

However, I wouldn’t bank on the news that Katic was fired. I’m pretty sure it was a mutual split, one that was one announced this early as a means to entice viewers to watch her final episodes, and to stir enough fire that’ll make viewers want return to see what happens next year.

Jones, well, the Lanie character was nothing more than a distraction. She could’ve been a great asset to the show, but the writers chose to make her more of a babbling voodooish witch doctor than she was a medical examiner. I do sincerely wish Tamala all the best in future roles. She’s certainly an actor who deserves far more than she was given in this series, and I look forward to seeing her in roles that showcase her talent instead of the ineptness of clunky writing. And that brings us to the usual crappy stuff they wrote for her this week. Starting with Lanie saying…

“Victim took his right between his T4 and T5 vertebrae. Severed his spinal cord. Died instantly.”

Okay, you all saw the dead guy on the floor, right? If you didn’t happen to notice because you were too busy sticking a finger down your throat hoping to purge this garbage from your system, he was the actor with the knife jammed into his back, a knife that penetrated the guy’s leather jacket and shirt beneath. This guy…

I know you guys aren’t trained medical examiners, or detectives, but I think it’s fairly safe to assume that most of you have spinal cords and vertebrae. So, you tell me (based on looking at the dead guy in the above photo) exactly where in the back is the knife lodged? Do you, like Lanie, possess the unbelievable ability of X-ray vision and can see through leather? Are you somehow magically able see his spine? Is the expression on his face one that tells you he died instantly?

Let’s take a closer look.

Now, compare the two images and tell me how in the heck would/could anyone, especially a woman of science, be able to tell the knife was precisely embedded between between the thoracic vertebrae T4 and T5.

The victim is fully clothed. You can’t even see his skin. For all we, and Lanie, know, the knife could be fake, or the blade is curved and didn’t so much as cause a scratch. The man could’ve been shot, had a cardiac event, or even died as a result of being hit with a copy of Stephen King’s book, Under the Dome (have you seen the size of that book?). There is no freakin’ way to positively determine anything from looking at this fully-clothed body. Well, other than the fact that he is indeed dead. By the way, for a dead guy who’s been there for several hours, his skin tone looks pretty darn good.

Oh yeah, the above goes for the killer, too. How could he have shoved a knife into the guy’s back at the precise point between T4 and T5. Yep, this one pops the top on the bulls**t scale.

And then there’s Hayley. The writers must’ve copied and pasted some stuff from an old script that featured Beckett saying she had to leave/disappear because her presence might be putting everyone in danger. Again with the worldwide gloom and doom scenarios. Are these the only plot lines Castle writers know how to scribble these days?

Hayley, a person with a shady past who’s been known to lie and do “things,” roughed up a suspect/witness in the precinct bathroom, an act that caused the guy to spill some beans. In other words, she, who’s sort of an agent of the police (which is totally unbelievable, by the way), tortured a man until he told her what she wanted to hear. And then the police used that information to help their case. Illegal and immoral. Cops aren’t allowed to do that to people. And they certainly can’t condone the tactic when used by people who’re acting as their agent(s).

Throughout this episode, Hayely, a murder suspect, is allowed to assist the police in the investigation into her involvement, and she’s allowed to do so while ARMED. She was also permitted to handle evidence. The tiniest insect crawling across my backyard would probably know this concept was STUPID. Cops do not allow murder suspects to accompany them and assist, while armed, as they investigate the crime in which they believe her to be involved.

The FBI, one the best law enforcement agencies in the world, one with all the resources one could imagine, was searching for Hayley. They had an active arrest warrant. A warrant for a crime of terrorism. Yet we never saw them and they couldn’t find Hayley, who was everywhere in this episode. And, Beckett and crew offered to help conceal her whereabouts instead of arresting her. That, my friends is obstruction of justice which is punishable by several years in federal prison.

Beckett said, “…tricked by a woman named Carla into gaining access to a building and a secured server, most likely to help Marcus (the dead guy) rob the place. I’ve said this many times on this blog, and i’ll say it again for the benefit of newcomers to this site. A place cannot be robbed.

But don’t feel bad because many people confuse the terms robbery and burglary. I see the misuse of those two terms everywhere, including in books written by some of my favorite authors. I also hear the terms interchanged on TV and radio news. They are not the same, not even close.

Robbery occurs when a crook uses physical force, threat, or intimidation to steal someone’s property. If the robber uses a weapon the crime becomes armed robbery, or aggravated robbery, depending on local law. There is always a victim present during a robbery.

For example, you are walking down the street and a guy brandishes a handgun and demands your money. That’s robbery.

Burglary is an unlawful entry into any building with the intent to commit a crime. Normally, there is no one inside the building when a burglary occurs. No physical breaking and entering is required to commit a burglary. A simple trespass through an open door or window, and the theft of an item or items, is all that’s necessary to meet the requirements to be charged with burglary.

For example, you are out for the night and someone breaks into your home and steals your television. That’s a burglary. Even if you are at home asleep in your bed when the same crime occurs, it’s a burglary because you weren’t actually threatened by anyone.

The only robbery that occurred in this episode was committed by the show’s writers who robbed us of an hour of our lives that we can never get back. Boom! Mic drop…