You’ve had a long night answering call after call—he-saids, she-saids, chasing a Peeping Tom through back yards and alleys, a couple of drunks arguing over a near-empty bottle of Ripple, kids spray-painting stop signs, and the guy who insisted he was Jesus and attempted to prove it by damning you to hell a few dozen times after you refused to give him ten dollars.

Yep, a looonnnggg night and it was only half over when Jimmy Bob “Peanut” Jenkins, Jr. decided to join forces with his good friend Jack Daniels to blacken both his wife’s eyes. Well, Erlene, the wife, wasn’t about to stand for that so she poked ‘ol Peanut in the gut a couple of times with a dull kitchen knife. Didn’t break the skin, mind you, but the act was just enough to send Peanut off the deep end. Oh, he was plenty mad about it, yellin’ and screamin’ and stompin’ his steel-toed Doc Martens across the linoleum, kicking at Porkchop, the family’s three-legged dog, along the way. But Porkchop, having been to this freak show one too many times in the past, knew to stay six or seven dog-dish-lengths away from his owner’s size twelves.

After about ten minutes of plate, bowl, and pot-and-pan-throwing, one of the kids, a snot-nosed, freckle-faced boy of around ten or so, picked up the cordless and punched the speed dial button for 911.

And that’s where you, Officer Save M. All, show up. And Peanut, a Friday night regular, meets you in the driveway, huffing and puffing like an old-time, coal-fired locomotive engine.

Now things are a bit dicey, with Peanut pounding his chest like a gorilla on meth. It’s best to run down the checklist before diving right in. You know, size him up. Is Peanut armed this time? Is he really going to attack? Or, is all that chest-thumping and Tarzan-yelling just a show for the neighbors? Well, you’d better find out in a hurry because he’s starting to spin like the Tasmanian Devil.

So how can you tell if this guy means business, or not?

Well, there are a few telltale signs that could help you evaluate the situation. And, since weapons and other items that are capable of puncturing your flesh, bones, and organs should be your first concern, here are some common indicators that Peanut is carrying a hidden gun or knife.

1. It’s 97 degrees outside and Peanut, standing smack-dab in the center of the intersection at 9th and Main, is wearing his heavily-insulated, knee-length, blood-stained orange hunting coat. Yes, Einstein, he’s probably wearing it to hide a sawed-off shotgun, the one Daddy gave him for Christmas when he was three.

2. The tail of his flannel shirt is out, but one side is riding higher than the other. A great sign that he’s wearing a weapon on the “high side.”

3. Even wearing a shirt tail on the outside is a sign that he might be carrying a weapon. Unfortunately, it’s also a sign known to bad guys, which means they might recognize you as an undercover officer.

Now, the signs that Peanut Jenkins is about to attempt to stomp your butt into the mud …

1. For some unknown reason, many offenders/would-be attackers seem to feel the need to rip off their shirts prior to delivering the first blow. So, when a drunk starts ripping cloth and zinging buttons across the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, well, that might be a good time to reach for the pepper spray because he’s subtly announced his intentions.

The standard shirt-ripping ritual is usually accompanied by lots of top-of-the-lung screaming and yelling, especially nasty comments about your spouse and mother. Nasty comments about the family dog are optional.

2. Another clue that Peanut is about “go for it” is when he starts glancing at a particular spot on your body, like your throat, stomach, or even a knee. Instantly, you should go on alert for a possible strike to that area. Peanut is announcing his intentions and he’s ready to pounce.

New Picture

3. Peanut constantly glances to a spot behind you, or to a place off to your right just out of your line of sight. Watch out, because his partner may be approaching for a rear ambush. And, his partner just might be Mrs. Peanut. Yes, even though her “loving husband” had just moments ago beat the ever-loving snot out of her she’ll often defend her man until the bitter end. Unfortunately, the end sometimes results in a funeral … hers.

These quick glances are also good indicators that Peanut has a hidden weapon nearby. For example, you’ve stopped Peanut for drunk driving and he’s constantly glancing toward the glove compartment. Well, there’s a good chance that a weapon or other illegal items are concealed there.

New Picture (1)

4. The Lights Are On But Nobody’s Home – You arrive on scene and you approach Peanut, who is standing still, staring off into space. His jaw is clenched and he’s sweating profusely, even though you’re both standing in two feet of freshly-fallen New England snow (New England snow, to me, is the coldest snow on the planet). He doesn’t respond to you in any way, but you see the anger rising. Face is growing redder by the second. Veins poking out on his forehead. Eyes bulging. Yeah, you get the idea. Believe me, it is time to take a step back and start pulling every tool you’ve got on your duty belt because this guy’s getting ready to blow. Silence is definitely not golden in this case.

5. Peanut might be a “I’m not going to look at you” kind of personality. This is another indicator that an assault may be on the way. If he’s staring at place on the ground, refusing to listen and obey your verbal commands, then be prepared for an attack. At the very least, be prepared for a battle when the time comes to snap on the cuffs.

I guess a good rule of thumb is to always assume the worst, and hope for the best.

 

Before I begin with the content of today’s article about search warrants, I’d like to take a brief moment to thank everyone for their kind words, well-wishes, support, and generous donations to the fundraiser for our daughter Ellen. She’s in a serious battle against cancer that returned just two years after beating it the first time in a different location of her body. This time the disease is here in a big way.

Ellen and her family are going through the worst times of their lives and your contributions have meant the difference in being able to purchase much-needed medicines, testing and scans, electricity, water, and food, or going without. Every single dollar has helped in some way. Having to serve as Ellen’s constant caregiver, her husband’s company let him go. As a result Ellen and her husband now survive on only $168 per week unemployment, no health insurance, and a government who denied Ellen Medicaid.

So again, I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. I’m grateful for all you’ve done and continue to do to help Ellen.

If you’d like to contribute, here’s the link to the fundraiser.

*By the way, Denene and I made a sudden trip to North Carolina late Thursday afternoon to be with her mother who is also battling serious cancer. She’s not well at all so a few of those well-wishes sent her way, too, would be appreciated.

We’ll remain here for a few days before traveling further south to spend time with Ellen. Then we’ll head back to Denene’s mother’s for a couple of days before once again going back to Ellen’s in time to be there for her next scan and chemo.

If you’ve wondered why I’ve disappeared from here and on social media, now you know the answer. My heart and thoughts are currently with our family.

Please, take the time to visit your family members, give them a quick call, or whatever it takes to stay in touch and to create memories. Time, after all, is precious, and it waits for no one.

Now, today’s article.


Breonna Taylor: The Search Warrant

Breonna Taylor was shot and killed by police when they entered her home in congruence with a search warrant signed by a judge (yes, officers had a search warrant). The opening paragraph of the warrant included, as most search warrants begin, by stating that probable cause to search existed, and that officers were COMMANDED by the court to search a particular location named within the body of the warrant.

After a search warrant is approved and signed by a judge officers are ordered to carry out the service. Without a judge or magistrate’s signature on the paperwork there will be no warrant. More about this in a moment.

Here are the opening paragraphs of the search warrant for Breonna Taylor’s residence at 3003 Springfield Drive #4 Louisville, Ky.

“TO ALL PEACE OFFICERS IN THE COMMONWEALTH OF KENTUCKY:
Proof by affidavit having this day been made before me by: Detective Joshua C. Jaynes (7627) a peace officer of Louisville Metro Police Department, that there is probable and reasonable cause for the issuance of this Search Warrant as set out in the affidavit attached hereto and made a part hereof as if fully set forth herein; you are commanded to search the premises known and numbered as:

St. Anthony Gardens
3003 Springfield Drive #4 Louisville, KY 40214 Jefferson County Kentucky and All Surrounding Curtilage.”

The address above was that of Breonna Taylor.

In the next article I’ll describe the facts regarding the search at Breonna Taylor’s residence, and the events that took place during the service of the warrant, including the shooting. Today, though, in preparation for the discussion of the search warrant served at Taylor’s home (Part 2), I’d like to refresh your memories about search warrants and how they’re obtained by law enforcement.


A search warrant is actually the combination of three documents—an affidavit, the warrant itself, and a return of service.


Contrary to the belief of some, and to the image that’s often portrayed on television, police officers cannot enter a private residence without a warrant or permission to do so. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but the exceptions to this one are few and far between and must be utilized only in dire emergencies. FYI—the entries and searches we see each week on many crime TV shows are, well, totally unrealistic.

Our laws demand that searches and seizures of property and people must be reasonable and based on probable cause, not mere suspicion. Actually, the 4th Amendment is specific, stating that no warrant shall issue without probable cause. Therefore, when the police need to cross the line to invade a person’s reasonable expectation of privacy they must have a properly signed search warrant in hand.

A search warrant is issued pursuant to an affidavit, a document stating each and every fact that establishes the probable cause to legally search for certain people and items. Simply put, the officer seeking a search warrant must first complete a form, a sort of application. This “application” is the affidavit and it must clearly explain the facts (probable cause) as to why permission to search a particular place, or person, should be allowed and why the officer wants/needs to go inside someone’s house without the owner’s permission, and by breaking down the front door if necessary.

Swear, Under Oath

Normally, the officer must swear (under oath) that the facts listed in the affidavit are true.

Detail to Include in the Affidavit

The description of the place to be searched must be in vivid detail, almost down to the size and color of the doorknob. (I’m exaggerating—not much, though—, but you get the idea).

The affidavit for the Breonna Taylor search warrant described the property to be searched as follows:

A multi-family, two-story apartment complex that consists of beige vinyl siding, multi colored brick, and brown shingles. The numbers “3003” are in black lettering arranged vertically on a single column ofthe apartment building. The specific apartment has a sliding glass door that opens to a small patio on the first floor of the complex. The specific apartment has a green door with a gold-plated number “4” in the top center of the front door. The apartment complex is located within St. Anthony Gardens.

Proof

If a judge or magistrate decides the evidence is proof of probable cause, they approve and sign the search warrant and hand it over to investigators for service. (Keep in mind that some courts allow electronic submissions).

When and How

  • Search warrants must be served promptly. Normally, there is a three or four day rule. If officers wait longer than that time frame the search may be ruled invalid.
  • In most cases, officers are required to knock and announce their presence prior to entering a residence. (Knock, knock, knock. “This is the police. I have a warrant to search this house. If you don’t open the door I’m going to huff, and puff, and—.”

Exceptions to Knock and Announce

Typically, search warrants are to be served in the daytime unless specified differently within the body of the warrant.

There are situations when warrants must be served under the cover of night.

The exceptions to the knock and announce rule (“no-knock” warrants) occur when/if the officer has good reason to believe that:

  • There is a clear and present danger to himself and anyone else present, including people inside the house.
  • The delay of entry would cause irreparable harm to the investigation (evidence would/could be destroyed).
  • The search warrant for Breonna Taylor’s residence was a no-knock warrant approved by the judge.

The best case scenario is, of course, to knock on the door and wait for someone to answer. Not only is the knocking method the easiest, it’s by far the safest means of serving a search warrant. But, bad guys rarely play by the rules. Therefore, safety is a top concern which sometimes means no-knock entries are the best and safest method for officers.

No One’s Home But Us Chickens!

When using the knock and announce approach, if no one answers the door within a reasonable amount of time, police officers are legally permitted to damage property if that’s what is required to gain entry.

What’s a reasonable amount of time? Courts have ruled that a few seconds is considered reasonable—15 seconds or so. However, this all depends upon the circumstances at the scene. For example, when officers announce their presence and then hear sounds—people running, overturning furniture, toilets flushing, glass breaking, etc.—those actions would lead a reasonable person to believe that evidence is being destroyed and officers may enter immediately.

A Search Warrant in Hand Means Cops Can Search Everywhere, Right?

Once they’ve entered a property, officers may only search for the item(s) listed on the warrant, and they may only search in areas where those items could reasonably be found. For example, if searching for a stolen refrigerator, investigators may not open and paw through underwear and sock drawers. If the item they’re seeking is small (a piece of jewelry or drugs), then they may search from chimney top to basement floor and everywhere and everything between. That’s when they sift through the unmentionables.


Next up – Part 2, The Full Search Warrant for Breonna’s Taylor’s Home (see the document).

1140 Hours – September 18, 2020

“Slow night?”

“Pretty much,” Sergeant Collins said, as he leaned to the passenger seat to retrieve his hat and what was probably once a full thermos of coffee. “Same old crap over on Elm Street—”

“They at it, again?” said Sergeant Martin, the oncoming shift supervisor. “What’s that, the third time this week?”

“Fourth, actually. He finally put her in the hospital this time, though. Broken arm, probably a fractured cheek, and a concussion.”

“Let me guess. He didn’t mean it and she said it was an accident,” said Martin as he poked his fingers between the rear seat and seat back, a bad practice that he really should stop. Used needles and other nasty things can wreak havoc on bare flesh. But, all was well, this time. A quick look under the seat and he was done. No hidden contraband left behind by any of the bad guys arrested on the previous shift.

“Everything okay?”

“Clean, as always,” Martin said, moving to the driver’s seat to begin the routine—checking the lights, radio, siren, shotgun, and a quick calibration of the radar unit.

“The usuals were out and about in “The Bottom.” Lots of traffic down there too. I stopped a few cars as they were leaving. They make it so easy—running stop signs, speeding, throwing bottles at my police car as they pass by. You know how they are.”

“Find anything good?”

“No, if they were holding, I didn’t see it,” said Collins. He stood beside the patrol car holding his hat and a half-empty gear bag in his right hand, waiting patiently for Martin to finish the mandatory pre-shift vehicle and equipment inspection.

“There was a new guy hanging out with the drug runners on Reynolds Street,” Collins said. “Never seen him before. Tall, really dark skin, long braids, and a gold star on one of his front teeth. I stopped and talked to him. Most of the guys scattered, but he never flinched. Smart mouth on him too. Had an accent that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Sounded a little like that old guy who works at the motor pool. He’s Haitian, right? Anyway, the guy said he was Popcorn Bajolière’s cousin from New York. Claimed his name was Reggie Jackson. He also claimed he lost his ID last week.”

“Think he’s the guy bringing the stuff in?”

“Could be.”

“I’ll head down there in a few minutes to keep the pressure on,” said Martin. “Maybe I’ll get lucky.”

“Maybe so,” Collins said. “Well, if you’re all set, I’m going inside to finish writing up my reports and go over a few notes. I’ve got court in the morning. You?”

“No, but I do have to be at the range at ten for qualifying.”

“Man, is it that time of the year already?”

“Yep. They haven’t let you know when you’ve got to shoot?” Martin asked.

“Not yet, but I’m sure it’ll be on one of my days off, as always.”

“Administration doesn’t know any other way. They want us married to the department.”

“I guess,” Collins said, giving his old friend a pat on the arm, a habit he’d never been able to break. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow night. Stay safe out there.”

“Always.”

0001 Hours – September 19, 2020

“All south-side units. Shots fired in The Bottom at the corner of Reynolds and Parker. One suspect down, possibly wounded. Caller reports several men fighting in the street. She believes there are numerous guns involved. I heard four shots fired while the caller was on the line. Rescue has been dispatched.”

“10-4,” said Sergeant Martin. “I’m en route. Have the ambulance hold back a few blocks until we have a chance to see what we’ve got. Send a couple of backup units. Going to The Bottom is never a good thing.”

“10-4, 1234.”

0002 Hours – September 19, 2020

“All south-side units. Shots-fired call at Sunset Acres, the mobile home park near the old railroad depot. Caller is advising that it’s her husband and he’s standing in the front yard, totally nude except for a pair of sweat socks, firing his shotgun at passing cars. She states the husband has been off his meds for two days. The caller’s address is 312 Tall Pine Lane. Residence is a white trailer with satellite dish in the front yard. A black Ford pickup truck is parked in the driveway. Suspect is a white male, approximately six-two, reddish-brown hair, and nude.”

“10-4,” said Martin. “See if someone from Precinct Four can take that one for us until we clear from The Bottom. We’re still sorting out this mess. Call out SWAT. We’re gonna need them.”

“Dispatch to 1245, 1263. 1267. Copy?”

“10-4. 1245 and 63 are thirty seconds from the trailer park. I hear gunfire already. I think we’re going to need some additional assistance with this one. Sounds like a war zone down there. Dispatch, ask county and state police if they can spare anyone.”

“67 is en route. ETA five minutes.”

“10-4.”

0348 Hours – September 19, 2020

“Thanks for coming back to help out,” said Martin.

“No problem. You’d have done the same,” said Collins. “Besides, I hate paperwork. And, ten minutes earlier and it could’ve been me instead of you taking that shotgun blast.” Collins reached over to pat Martin’s arm. “The doc says you should be fine in a few weeks, though. Maybe even back to work in a couple of months. Depends on the rehab.”

“Well, this is one way to avoid going to the range on my day off.”

Collins’ lips split in a slight smile. “I think I’d rather spend a few hours at the range than five minutes in this place.”

“Honestly, me too,” said Martin. “Me, too.”

1400 Hours – September 22, 2020

Sergeant Collins sat in the second row, holding his hat in his trembling hands. He was listening, but not hearing the words the chaplain spoke to a standing-room-only congregation. Officers had come from as far away as California to pay their respects.

Collins used his sleeve to wipe a lone tear from his right cheek.

Ten minutes earlier and it could’ve been him.

Cue the bagpipes.

Officer Martin. End of Watch – September 19, 2020


The tale above is fictional, of course. However, the story is based on the reality faced by law enforcement officers every time they sign on for duty.

A&B: Assault and battery

AKA: Also known as.

Aikido: Police defensive-tactics techniques developed from this particular style of Japanese martial arts. 

Abscond: To secretly leave the jurisdiction of a court or to conceal one’s self from law-enforcement officials.

Accessory: One who aids or assists in the commission of a crime.

Aid and Abet: To voluntarily assist another person in the commission of a crime.

Alternate Light Source: Equipment used to enhance potential items of evidence, either visible or invisible light at varying wavelengths.

Amicus Curiae (Latin): A friend of the court; someone who is not a party to court proceedings that supplies information to the court that otherwise may not be readily available.

Arrest: To deprive someone of his liberty, or to seize a person suspected of a crime.

B&E: Break and enter

Bench Warrant: An arrest warrant issued by the court.

Bindle Paper: Clean paper folded to contain trace evidence such as hairs or fibers.

Biohazard Bag: A red, plastic bag used to contain materials that have been exposed to blood and other body fluids and parts. The container will be clearly marked as Biohazard Material in bold lettering.

Biological Weapon: Agents used to threaten or destroy human life, e.g. anthrax, smallpox, E. coli, etc.

Bloodborne Pathogen: Infectious, disease-causing microorganisms found in biological fluids.

Blow: Cocaine.

BOLO: Police acronym for Be On The Lookout.

Bread Slicing: The method of slicing of body organs by a medical examiner. The organs are sliced into sections resembling a loaf of bread.

Breaking and Entering: Any act of physical force in which obstruction to entrance of a building is removed. Simply pushing a door open or raising a window can be considered “breaking.” Breaking and entering are two of the elements of burglary.

Bullet: A one-year prison sentence.

Burglary: Breaking into any dwelling in the nighttime with the intent to commit a felony.

CI: Confidential informant

Capital Murder: The willful, deliberate, and premeditated killing of any person in conjunction with the following:

  1. Abduction, when the abduction is committed with the intent to extort money or a pecuniary benefit.
  2. The willful, deliberate, and premeditated killing of any person by another for hire.
  3. The killing of any person by a prisoner of a state or local corrections facility or while in the custody of an employee thereof.
  4. The killing of another during the commission of a robbery or attempted robbery, while armed with a deadly weapon.
  5. The killing of any person in the commission of and subsequent to rape, or attempted rape, or forcible or attempted forcible sodomy.
  6. The killing of any law-enforcement officer when the purpose interferes with the performance of his duties.
  7. The killing of more than one person as part of the same act or transaction.
  8. The killing of any child under the age of twelve during the commission of abduction.
  9. The killing of any person during the commission of or attempting to commit a violation of Schedule I or Schedule II Drug Laws.

(Capital Murder offense laws can vary from state to state. Please check the laws governing your state).

(See murder below)

Carnal Knowledge: Sexual intercourse.

Case File: Collection of documents pertaining to a particular investigation.

Case Identifiers: Alphabetic or numeric assignment of characters used to identify a particular case.

Chain of Custody: A chronological history of the evidence. This is a list of all persons handling, holding, or having possession of a piece of evidence. The document will contain all pertinent information such as names, dates, victims, suspects, etc.

Chemical Enhancement: Use of chemicals to aid detection and documentation of evidence (e.g. semen, blood, fingerprints, narcotics) that may be difficult to see with the human eye alone.

Conspiracy: Two or more persons working together to commit an illegal act.

Contra Pacem (Latin): Against the peace.

Corpus Delicti (Latin): Body of the crime; the proof that a crime has been committed.

Crimen Falsi (Latin): Literally a crime of deceit or fraud.

Criminal Mischief: A crime committed against property.

CSU: Crime Scene Unit

Drop A Dime: To snitch on someone.

Drowning:  Water and mucus in the airway of a drowning victim create a foamy mixture as the victim struggles to breathe. The foam is discovered during an autopsy and confirms that a drowning has occurred.

Dying Declaration:  Statement given by a person who believes he is about to die, concerning the cause of the circumstances surrounding a specific crime or chain of events, usually about his own impending death. A strong piece of evidence highly regarded by courts as truth. A dying declaration is important evidence, but courts no longer accept this type of statement alone as sufficient evidence for a conviction. There must normally be other supporting evidence.

EDTA:  Anti-coagulant in purple-topped blood vials.

En Banc (French) By the full court. A matter heard by the entire appellate court.

ETA: Estimated time of arrival.

Exclusionary Rule: Protects against the use of evidence in court that was seized during an illegal search by police.

Exigent Circumstances: Emergency conditions

Felony: A crime punishable by either death or confinement in a state correctional facility.

First-Degree Murder: Murder by poison, lying in wait, imprisonment, starving, or by any willful, deliberate, and pre-meditated killing, or in the commission of, or attempt to commit arson, rape, forcible sodomy, inanimate-object sexual penetration, robbery, burglary, or abduction. (This definition varies in different states.) All other murder, other than capital murder, is defined as second-degree murder.

Fishing: The use of a long piece of string or elastic from the waistband of underwear by a prisoner to retrieve an object from an adjoining cell.

GSW: Gunshot wound.

Habeas Corpus (Latin): You have the body. Tests the legality of imprisonment or confinement.

Homicide: The killing of any human being by another.

Hot Pursuit: The action of pursuing or chasing a suspect in a crime. Hot pursuit allows officers to cross jurisdictional boundaries in order to apprehend a suspect, however the suspect must remain in sight for the chase to be justified as a hot pursuit.

Impression Evidence: Objects or items that have retained identifying characteristics of another object that has been pressed against them (footprints, tool marks, etc.).

Ink: Tattoos.

Latent Print: A print that is not visible to the naked eye, made by contact with a surface by hands, or feet transferring human material to that surface.

Jailhouse Lawyer: An inmate not licensed to practice law who assist other inmates with legal matters, such as appeals.

Lying in Wait: Hiding for the purpose of committing a crime.

Lynching: Any violence by a mob upon the body of any person, resulting in the death of that person.

LZ: Landing zone (typically used when referring to helicopters)

Misdemeanor: All crimes not deemed as felonies and punishable by fines and/or incarceration in facilities other than state or federal institutions (county jails, halfway houses, home confinement, etc.).

Modus Operandi (Latin): The manner of operation. A specific means or method of accomplishing an act.

Murder: An unlawful homicide.

MVA: Motor vehicle accident.

NCIC: National Crime Information Center.

Nolo Contendere (Latin): I do not wish to contend, fight, or maintain (a defense). A plea of not wishing to present a defense in a criminal matter.

Parole: Allows a prisoner to serve the remainder of a sentence outside prison walls. He will serve the sentence under the supervision of a parole officer. If the conditions of parole are not met, the offender will be returned to prison to serve any remaining sentence. Parole is not a part of a sentence.

PD: Police department.

Personal Protective Equipment: Items such as latex gloves, masks, and eye protection used as a protective barrier against biohazardous materials, disease, and to avoid human contamination of a crime scene.

Petechiae: Tiny purple or red spots on the eyes, neck, face, and/or lungs, indicating death by asphyxiation. (Bleeding does not have to be present. See Petechial Hemorrhage below.)

Petechial Hemorrhage:  Tiny purple or red spots on the eyes or skin caused by small areas of bleeding. (See Petechiae above.)

PO: Probation Officer.

POV: Privately owned vehicle.

Presumptive Test: A test used to screen for the presence of a specific substance, such as a narcotic. The results of a presumptive test cannot be used for evidential confirmation, or as a certification in a court of law. A presumptive test adds to investigators’ reasonable suspicions and is considered to be probable cause for the issuance of a search warrant or a warrant of arrest. The final, legal, testing must be completed in a certified laboratory by certified personnel.

Pro Bono Publico (Latin): For the public good or welfare. Without a fee. An attorney working for free is said to be working Pro Bono.

Projectile Trajectory Analysis: The method used for determining the path of travel of a high-speed object such as a bullet or arrow.

Probation: A sentence in lieu of imprisonment. A probation officer supervises a subject on probation.

Purple Top Vial: A vial used for blood samples, which contains EDTA, an anti-coagulant.

Res Judicata (Latin): The thing has been decided.

Seg: Prison segregation unit.

Shakedown: A search of a prison cell.

Shiv: A homemade knife.

SHU: Special Housing Unit. A special lockup facility within a prison that’s usually reserved for housing violent offenders.

Slimers: A prison inmate who throws urine or fecal matter at people passing by the prisoner’s cell. They sometimes pack the offensive substance into toothpaste tubes and squirt it at their intended targets.

Stop and Frisk: Allows a police officer to search a person for weapons without a warrant. It is a pat-down search of the person’s outer clothing only.

Trace Evidence: Evidence in small quantities, such as hair, fibers, gunshot residue, and particles of glass.

Transient Evidence: Evidence that can be easily lost or destroyed by conditions at a scene if not protected or preserved (evidence exposed to the elements).

Venue: The place where a trial is held.

Voir Dire (French): To speak the truth. An examination or questioning of potential jurors conducted by the court or attorneys to determine truthfulness and ability to serve for jury duty.

Warrant: A written order directing someone to do something.

Yard: Outdoor recreation area of a prison.

 

Domestic and neighbor disputes, and traffic stops are only three circumstances where officers often face extreme danger and sometimes death.

Even seemingly nonviolent situations, such as loud music complaints, serving civil process (summons and other court papers) can quickly transform into a life or death situation for officers, especially when alcohol and/or drugs are involved at the source of the complaint.

I know first-hand just how quickly and unexpectedly violence can erupt at each of the above scenarios. Actually, one of the worst fights for my life came about at the scene of a loud music complaint, but that’s story for another blog article.

Yet, many people are demanding that those types of calls be answered by unarmed community members with backgrounds in social work, mental health, and/or as victim advocates. Sure, I’ll be the first to agree that in some instances a mental health provider or one of the other community members skilled at social work would be a fantastic asset, and that those folks could help calm some individuals into a state that could negate the use of force.

Domestic Disputes

Domestic violence calls are dangerous for responding police officers. The situation has already exploded before they arrive. Tempers and emotions are at their peaks. Children and other family are often in the home when the violence erupted. Pets are frightened and excited. Neighbors sometimes gather outside the home.

Normally, suspects in violent crimes flee before the police arrive; however, at the scenes of domestic violence calls it’s typical that both the perpetrator and the victim are present, which creates a unique situation for responding officers. To add to the chaos, it’s not unusual that the victim decides to physically defend the husband, even after calling 911 for help.

I, like most officers, have been in my share of tussles. But one of the the hardest hits I’ve received was delivered by a woman who, when I tried to handcuff her husband for beating her, she nailed me in the head. She’d been crying and telling me how badly she was treated. How regular the beatings had been. How she was a prisoner in her own home. And how frightened she was. Too frightened to leave.

When I placed her husband under arrest, he resisted and we went a round or two before I finally managed to getting a cuff on one of his wrists. Then, out of nowhere and before I could hook the other wrist, I was blindsided with what felt like a cinder block. That little lady and her bony fist caused me to see the “bright light” we often hear about.

Once the female version of Mike Tyson join the scuffle, I was then struggling with two violent people. He was trying to flee and she was pummeling me with everything in her arsenal, from fists and fingernails to knobby knees, sharp elbows, and bare feet, all while screaming, “Run, Honey Biscuit, run!” Fortunately, another officer and a civilian arrived to assist, and in short order both “Honey Biscuit” and his lovely wife were in handcuffs.

Replacing Police with Civilian Social Workers

Sending lone, or even a team of social workers into a violent domestic dispute is akin to using a water pistol to battle a raging California wildfire. As I stated above, I know what it’s like to step inside a home where the wife is battered and bloody, children are crying and screaming, all while the husband, soaring high on meth and who knows what else, is pacing about the house holding a loaded shotgun in one hand while punching holes in the walls and doors with the other.

At that point, once the drugs, alcohol, adrenaline, extreme anger, and roiling emotions have sent him over the cliff, there’s no collection of feel-good, sing-songy words that will stop this person. They’re violent and wild and are likely to seriously harm someone.

This is a man who simply is not rational and often sees any outsiders as a threat and often acts accordingly, by attacking, shooting, taking family members as hostages, etc.

No, this is not a situation that should be handled solely by a unarmed social worker who’s never been in a physical confrontation. And if they haven’t, well, they’re about to learn the hard way what it’s like to tangle with a person who feels no pain and who’s as strong as an angry bull on steroids.

Please don’t misunderstand, though. I’ve seen instances where people other than police were precicely the right people to talk the violent person down. Sometimes a female officer is a better choice than a male officer, or the other way around. But not every violent person would greet a responding social worker with open arms and a nice cup of tea.

Yes, I have no doubt there will be some success stories, and I hope there are many. Of course, truth be known, there are a vast number of happy endings involving police officers that occur each day. Unfortunately, it’s the unhappy stories that make the headlines.

My fear is for the social worker who enters the wrong house at the wrong time to face a person who’s determined to harm or kill someone. It’s a roll of the dice as to who lives or who dies, because the worst will happen at some point. Bet on it. At least police officers are trained to handle themselves during physical confrontations.

Traffic Stops

There’s no other feeling in the world like stopping a speeding car with dark, tinted windows and loud music with its bass rumbling so hard you feel it in your chest before you step outside the patrol car. Add to the scenario, a moonless night on a lonely stretch of highway with not a single house in sight. Backup is twenty minutes away, should you need it.

Your spotlight cannot penetrate the dark window tint making it impossible to see if there’s one person inside, or four, or six. No idea if the occupants are armed, wanted, or simply a couple of teens out for a drive in the country.

The bass thumps, rattling and shaking the car’s muffler. The vehicle wiggles and shakes a bit—someone’s moving around. But you can’t see where they’re located in the car. Again, how many people are inside?

You form a plan.

With all of your lights on—spotlight and takedown lights—to provide a bit of blinding cover, you decide to approach the car slowly from the passenger side, hoping for the element of surprise

Thump, thump, thump goes the bass, and your heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

You knock on the window.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Then, nothing.

The music stopped.

Silence.

Your hand automatically reaches for the gun holstered to your side. The grips and cool blue steel are slightly comforting.

The thumping is soon replaced by night sounds—frogs, crickets, and buzzing mosquitoes who’re attracted to the compounds released in your breath and from the pearls of sweat careening along your spine.  Your forehead and the space just beneath your eyes are peppered with tiny dots of perspiration. Nervous sweat, as my grandmother would say if she were still with us.

The passenger side window slowly creeps down a couple of inches. You pause slightly before aiming the beam of your Maglite inside to take a peek. That’s when you see the young man who’s gripping the steering wheel with both hands. He’s alone and cooperative. His license, registration, and insurance are all valid. He apologizes for speeding, explaining that he was nearly late for curfew and wanted to make it home in time so his parents wouldn’t yell at him.

Your heart rate, now normal, the fear/pucker factor gone, and with the nervous sweat disappearing, you let the kid go with a warning. As the car pulls away you release a lung-emptying sigh of relief knowing the situation could have been a polar opposite, with the driver setting up to kill a police officer.

Nighttime traffic stops are not for the faint of heart. I’d rather wade into a nasty bar fight any day.

I was a field training officer (FTO) way back during my time working in the patrol division. It is the FTO’s duty to supervise new officers who’ve recently graduated a police academy. FTO’s provide on the job training until the rookie officers meet necessary criteria and are able to take to the streets on their own.

One Wednesday morning, around 7 a.m., I, and the rookie who was working under my tutelage, found ourselves behind a car that was slowly swerving back and forth between the yellow center lines of the city street to the white line separating the travel lane from the bike lane. Several times the vehicle crossed each of the lines.

The rookie was driving while I sat in the passenger seat observing. Still a bit unsure he asked if I thought he should stop the car. I quickly said, “Yes, unless you want to see a horrible crash unfold in real time.”

So the officer-in-training activated the emergency equipment (lights and siren). The swerving car pulled to the side of the road, stopping with the right front tire on the sidewalk. A drunk driver, no doubt. At 7 o’clock in the morning.

The rookie approached the driver’s window and asked the man behind the wheel, a large guy who appeared to be in his sixties, to present his license and registration. I stood at the passenger side window watching the man fumble through the glove compartment and patting his pants pockets at least seven or eight times before declaring, in a slurred manner of speech that nicely complimented his bloodshot eyes and breath that reeked of sour corn liquor, “I ain’t got no license.”. Drunk as a skunk, he was.

The rookie asked the driver to step outside, which he did.

The rookie asked if he’d been drinking, which he admitted. In fact, he emphasized that he’d consumed quite a bit of moonshine.

I moved around to the driver’s side in case problems arose, and my cop’s sixth sense was telling me to prepare for the worst.

The rookie told the guy he was under arrest and to turn around and place his hands behind his back.

This is where things became interesting because the moment the rookie grabbed the “old guy’s” wrist and arm for handcuffing, the man turned his body toward the rear of the car, in my direction. The next thing I saw was the rookie’s body go up and over the car’s rooftop, down the trunk lid, and finally to the pavement. The “old guy” was so strong that he’d used only one arm to send my young partner on the quick flight. So, of course, I grabbed the man and hung on for a terrifying ride that even Disneyland couldn’t replicate.

After we were finally able to apply handcuffs and gain control of the extremely strong senior citizen, we learned that he worked for a logging company as a laborer handling pulpwood—large trees and/or logs that’re used to manufacture paper products such as cardboard. The long sleeve shirt he wore did a great job of concealing arms the size of small tree trunks and muscles as hard as stone.

No, I do not recommend that unarmed mental health providers or other non-police conduct traffic stops. They can be deadly, and sometimes result in serious harm or death of the person conducting the stop.

Again, it’s a roll of the dice. Will it be the next driver stopped by the citizen traffic patrol who’s wanted for murder and will kill anyone who slightly resembles “authority,” or will it be the kind old bookstore owner who wouldn’t harm a flea?

Here’s how quickly things can go wrong during a “routine” traffic stop for speeding.


*Please, I beg you to not post political, racial, anti-cop, or other hot button comments. This is a factual article based on actual experiences. I worry about the safety of social workers, mental health providers, victim advocates, and citizens conducting traffic stops, responding to domestic and neighbor disputes, the folks who may someday find themselves facing life threatening circumstances such as the one in the video above. I guarantee you that bad guys will never play by the rules.

 

1030 hours.

Radio transmission – “Theft from jewelry store. Items taken – two diamond rings with value exceeding $10,000.”

Traffic stop.

Weather – Sunny. 84 degrees.

Reason for stop – Vehicle matched description provided by jewelry store owner. Plates – out of state.

Weapon(s) involved – Taurus .380 recovered from beneath driver’s seat. Fully loaded with spare magazine in small cloth bag. No weapons used in connection with the crime.

Stolen items not found.

My partner and I were pros at playing good cop/bad cop. In fact, we were the go-to guys for eliciting confessions. But these two, the man and woman suspected of taking two expensive diamond rings from a local jewelry store, were also pros. In their line of work—stealing—they were some of the best in the business and their game was an old one. They pretend to shop for engagement rings. She tries on several, asking to see first one then another and then back to this one and then the other and so on and so on until the clerk has an assortment of bling scattered about the glass countertop like a spattering of snowflakes on a frozen lake surface.

Their goal was to confuse the clerk so they could pocket a few gems and then make their getaway after not seeing the “perfect” ring. It worked. When the frustrated clerk/owner returned the items to their respective spots in the case she noticed two valuable rings were missing. So were the two “customers.”

The responding uniformed officers asked, of course, for a description of the pair of thieves, but the owner simply couldn’t offer any solid details. They’d so thoroughly confused her all she could remember was that one was male and the other was female. She was able to recall their race and that both wore nice clothing … she thought. However, she wasn’t sure if it was the man wore a blue shirt or if it was the woman whose top was blue. She was confident the man had on khaki pants, though. No doubt about that detail.

For the record, the actual color of the man’s shirt was green and the woman had selected a red and white striped top as her shirt du jour. They both had on blue jeans at the time of the traffic stop that took place within 30 minutes of the theft. There was no other clothing inside their car. The owner’s descriptions were not even close and, unfortunately, the store’s surveillance cameras were switched off. “Oh, we don’t bother with that thing,” she later told me.

Questioning the two suspects was going nowhere. We had them in separate rooms and we alternated between the two, trying every trick in the book. You left fingerprints. The clerk ID’d you. Witnesses saw you. Yada, yada, yada. But we were spinning our wheels because they readily admitted to being in the store.

They said they’d looked at and tried on rings. However, they didn’t like what they saw and left. But they didn’t take anything. It was their word against the store owner’s and we had no evidence. They’d allowed us to search both them and their car and we found nothing but the gun, which was illegal—he was a convicted felon and the gun was concealed. I even tried using the weapon as leverage—we’ll cut you some slack for it if you confess to the jewelry theft and return the rings. No dice. We had nothing.

So I took a walk around the hallways, trying to think of some sort of angle to help garner a confession. As I passed by the door to the dispatchers’ room one of them called out with a cheery “Good morning,” so I stepped inside. I noticed a small stack of new videos (VHS tapes at the time) beside her terminal. The top one was a collection of Looney Tunes cartoons with Bugs Bunny’s image plastered on the front. He held a carrot in one hand and his rabbit lips were split into a wide, buck-toothy grin. The video was a gift for her child’s birthday. I had an idea and asked to borrow the tape for a few minutes.

After a quick stop in my office for a bit of artistic trickery, I returned to the interview room where the female suspect sat waiting. When I opened the door and stepped inside she smiled and asked if she could leave.

I took a seat in the chair across from her and returned her smile. Then I slid the tape across the tabletop. “We have a video,” I said. What I didn’t say was that I’d removed the Bugs Bunny label and replaced it with one I’d typed in my office before returning to the interview room. The new label simply read “June 6, 1994.”

June 6 was the current date, and Tape … well, it was a tape, right?

I continued …

“When I show this tape to a judge … well, you know what’s going to happen, right?” I said.

Tears quickly formed in the corners of her eyes. Then she looked down toward her feet and nodded. “I know,” she said. “Yeah, we did it. He took them, though. Not me. You saw that on the tape, right?”

Suddenly she wouldn’t shut up, telling me they’d dropped the rings out of the window when they saw me pull out behind them.

I sent a patrol officer to the approximate location where he found both rings.

She also confessed to other thefts in other cities. The gun, too, was stolen. They’d broken into a home and found it while searching for valuables. The necklace she wore that day was stolen, as was the watch on her boyfriend’s wrist.

When I entered the room with her boyfriend/partner in crime, with the tape in hand, my first words to him were, “What’s up, Doc?”

An hour later we had signed confessions from both suspects.

And that’s how Bugs Bunny helped me solve the Case of the Missing Jewelry.

And, well… That’s all, folks.

Here are answers to a few of the most often asked questions about police work.

  • How do I become an FBI homicide investigator so I can help solve the murder cases my town? Easy answer. You can’t. The FBI doesn’t work local homicide cases, therefore, the agency does not employ “homicide” investigators. That’s the job of city, county, and state police.

  • How long does it take to become a detective? There is no set timeline/standard, so the answer is … as long as it takes. It’s all about who’s the best person for the job. One person may be ready with as little as two years experience, while another may not be ready for a plainclothes assignment, well, they may never be ready. The job of detective isn’t for everyone, by the way. Some officers prefer to work in patrol, or traffic, in the schools, or in the division that inspects taxi cabs and buses to be sure they’re in compliance with local law and standards.

  • Why didn’t you read that guy his rights before you handcuffed him? Aren’t you required to do so by law? Don’t you have to let him go now that someone knows you broke the law by not reading him his rights?

Miranda, first of all, is only required when (a) someone is in custody, and (b) prior to questioning. Therefore, if I, as a police officer, don’t plan to ask any questions, and that’s often the case, I don’t have to spout off the “You have the right to remain silent” speech. So no, not advising someone of Miranda is not a get out of jail free card.

miranda law

  • Why do cops wear sunglasses? Umm … because they’re constantly exposed to bright sunshine and the glasses help reduce glare and eyestrain.

  • I got a ticket for not wearing my seat belt, yet the USPS letter carrier in my neighborhood doesn’t wear his. How do they get away with breaking the law? Most areas have laws that specifically address delivery drivers and similar professions—letter carriers, delivery services, police officers, firefighters, etc., whose jobs require them to be in and out of their vehicles throughout the business day. And, those laws typically excuse the driver(s) from mandatory seat belt laws while performing their jobs. However, many of these businesses and agencies require their drivers to wear safety belts when operating a vehicle.

  • Why are there so many sheriffs in my county? There is only one sheriff per county or city (yes, some cities have a sheriff’s office in addition to a county sheriff’s office). The rest of the folks you see wearing the uniform and star are deputies. A sheriff, the boss of the entire department, is elected by the people. He/she then appoints deputies to assist with the duties of the office—running the jail, courtroom security, serving papers, patrol and criminal investigations, etc.

  •  No, it’s not racial profiling to stop a shifty-eyed white subject with a black nose who’s wearing a red collar with a gold medallion in a location near a bank that was just robbed by a a white subject with a black nose who’s wearing a red collar with a gold medallion.

“Be on the lookout for a shifty-eyed white subject with a black nose. He’s wearing a red collar with gold medallion.”

  • No, you do not have the right to see the radar unit, my gun, or what I’m writing in my notebook.

  • No, turning on your hazard lights does not give you the right to park in the fire lane in front of the grocery store.

  • Yes, I am concerned about your ability to fight well. Please understand, though, that this is what I do for a living and they didn’t teach me to lose. Besides, I have a lot of loyal coworkers who’re on the way here, right now, to see to it that the good guy (me) wins.

They sometimes decide to fight wearing nothing but …

  • You keep saying you know your rights … but you really don’t. Can you hear the nonsense you’re telling me?

You have the right to remain silent. Use it!

  • Yes, no matter how much you hate me, my badge, and my uniform, I’ll still come running when/if you call.

“Help, po-leeeece!”

Good action scenes—car chases, gunfights, and exploding cars and buildings—are great at keeping readers busy turning pages. But, how does your hero survive the barrage of bullets, flames, and KABOOMS? Are you giving the star of your book a realistic way out of all the tough jams you’ve tossed their way? Is what you’ve written a true tactical maneuver, or, did you write your hero into a tired old cliche’ corner? You know what I mean—the karate chop to the wrist which forces the bad guy to drop his weapon. How about this doozy … shooting the gun out of the villain’s hand. I know, it’s goofy and unrealistic. So yeah, those things, the things that are not only far-fetched, they’re downright silly.

As writers of fiction it is your job and sworn duty to deliver believable make-believe, and having your character(s) shoot the gun out of someone’s hand is far from achieving that goal.

So, you ask, how do real-life heroes avoid meeting untimely ends when confronted with deadly situations?

Well, for starters, they should …

When confronting a suspect who’s armed with a long-gun (shotguns and rifles are long guns) it’s best to have the hero approach from the side.

By doing so, your protagonist forces the crook to turn his entire body toward the approaching hero in order to continue the threat/potential shootout.

Otherwise, the thug has no option other than to flee or surrender. The tactic provides the hero with enough time to properly react to the threat.

 

 

  • If possible, place your hero in a good light. By that, I mean to make use of bright lights, such as a setting sun or bright early morning sunlight. The bright light should be at the hero’s back, but with the hero concealed/using cover. The use of this tactic makes it extremely difficult for the bad guy to see. Yet, the hero will be able to clearly see the bad guy and his movements.
  • It’s okay to have your hero experience a bit of fear because fear heightens our sense of awareness, which in turn increases the likelihood that we’ll do whatever is necessary to survive. However, fear can have a negative effect if allowed to overtake the situation. In short, a little fear is good, but too much fear combined with gunfire is the recipe for a badge-wearing babbling idiot.
  • If possible, have your protagonist take a moment to focus on breathing. Yes, breathing properly during a tense situation can help bring things into perspective. It can also help lower the heart rate, and it can prevent fear from morphing into blind rage (sudden bursts of anger could turn into a deadly mistake. Not thinking clearly could result into  foolishly rushing into a no-win situation.

Taking a moment to focus on “combat breathing.” Breathe in slowly for a count of four, hold your breath for another count of four, and then exhale to a third four-count. Count to four and then start all over again. The heart rate should be noticeably lower after a few repetitions. Of course, I don’t recommend taking the time to perform these deep-breathing exercises during a gunfight with bullets zinging by your ears. It’s been my personal experience that “timeouts” are not allowed during gun battles.

Okay, there you have it. No more silly karate-chop scenes or shooting guns from bad guy’s hands, right? Good. Then you’re all set.

But, you know, I can’t recall ever seeing an extremely scared, deep-breathing Jack Reacher standing with bright sunlight to his back while walking sideways like crab toward a guy holding an AK-47.

I suppose an occasional fist to the throat, or a boot to the head is permissible, but only if you’re the hero in a Lee Child book. The trouble is … there’s only one Jack Reacher, and there’s definitely only one Lee Child.

Lee Child – Writers’ Police Academy

 

 

A cop’s gun. His/her sidearm. An extension of their dominate arm. It’s always there for them when or if they need it, without fail.

A pistol is an extremely low-maintenance friend, never asking for much in return for its dedication—a modest diet of fresh bullets along with a little Hoppes gun oil to wash them down, a bath every Saturday night, and not allowing them to play in the rain and the mud.

Never drop a firearm and always remember they don’t like being left alone with small children. That’s about it. Treat them well and with respect and a cop’s gun will forever remain at their side.

If used and treated properly, guns can saved lives. I can say this with authority because that’s exactly what mine did—save lives. However, guns are easily influenced, tending to mimic the habits and traits of the people they’re around—guns with good people do good things, while guns in the hands of bad people … well, you know.

Actually, I liked the feeling of a pistol on my side. Its weight was sort of comforting even though the constant gravity-induced downward-tugging at my belt was a bit annoying at times. And there’s that thing about the hammer insisting that it tear a hole in the lining of every jacket I owned. It was pretty darn aggravating but you get used to it. After all, a little patch, a needle and thread, and you’re back in business.

One of my jackets with patch over hole caused by constant contact with a pistol hammer

Another member of a detective’s close and limited circle of workplace BFFs is his take-home car. They drive them for such long periods of time that the foam seat cushions conform nicely to the shape of their aging and constantly morphing rear-ends.

Unlike the silent relationship with guns, detectives, who most often work alone, have been known to talk to their cars, using them as sounding boards for working out case details or ideas. For example, at 3 a.m., after working a case for 36 nonstop hours with very few clues and/or evidence to ponder, a detective takes a seat inside his unmarked car to rest while gathering his thoughts. In a matter of minutes he’s thinking out loud, talking to his vehicle. “That bit of spatter on the ceiling makes no sense, does it? How did it …”

And we mustn’t overlook the graveyard shift sing-a-longs with whatever’s playing on the radio, music that helps keep officers awake once the magic time-to-fall-asleep-’cause-it’s-four-o’clock hour rolls around. Now, all of this solo singing and chattering to one’s self is not an indication that anyone has stepped over into cop la-la-land. Instead, these actions each serve a legitimate purpose.

A detective’s car is fearless, and the bullet hole in the front fender is a constant reminder that the car “took” the one that was meant for the officer. Each ding, scratch, and dent has a backstory. There’s history forever etched into a detective’s car. Some good and some not so good.

Yes, the three—the brains (the detective), the brawn (the gun), and the … well, there’s no “B” for the car, but it’s definitely an integral part of the trio that makes for a great team.

They go everywhere together. They’re inseparable. Day-in and day-out. They’re together through the tough times and when the times are good. They stand toe-to-tire in fights, saving lives, weddings and divorces, and gun battles and when people throw rocks, bricks, and bottles at them.

The three were side-by-side when the detective held the kid whose mother had just died in a car crash. And when he comforted the parents whose son took the overdose. When he sat behind the wheel and wept because he couldn’t reach far enough inside the burning car to pull the crying infant from the flames.

For twenty-five years the three sacrificed everything to work in the rain, snow and unbearable heat. They put in grueling, long hours. They’ve worked with injured body parts and during times when the investigator’s family members were sick and dying. And even when the very citizens he spent the past quarter century protecting began spitting on him, calling him names, endangering his family, and trying to burn him alive while some of his coworkers are shot and badly wounded or killed. But they return to work each and every day, hoping the next would be a bit better

Eventually, though, the day finally arrives … the day when the three are no more.

It’s the day when the detective drives to work and parks his  battered friend, not in their familiar reserved space, the one where they’d parked for years, but alongside a row of fleet cars … strangers.

On this day, his last as a detective and law enforcement officer, he walks inside for the final time and hands over the keys to his old friend. Then it’s time to slip off the holster and gun and the instant weight loss feels horrible. Sliding the badge across the desk is worse. But the three BFFs have too many miles behind them to keep going. It’s time for them to say goodbye. They were a great team, but as they say, all good things must end.

Now … well, there’s always a fish to catch, flowers to plant, and birdhouses to build. Books to read and books to write. Yes, that’s it. Write a book! It’s certainly much safer to write about car chases and shootouts than to live those moments. I know, it’s not the same. Never will be.

But life goes on …

#welcometowalmart

#guardingthemall

#whatdoIdonow

#nomorepeoplespittinginmyface

#Ishouldwriteabook

#Imissmycar

#mayItakeyourorder

#itslonelyouthere

#walmartbluelightsarenotthesame

#crossingguardsrock

#birdwatching

#getoffmygrass

*For the law enforcement officer who’s scheduled to retire this week after decades of service.

Officer Willie Findem was hot on the trail of two armed robbers, running s fast as his flat feet could carry him, when he heard a woman screaming for help as he raced past a row of shotgun houses in a section of town the locals call Murder Alley.

Despite the fact that his heart thumped against the inside of his chest (felt like his sternum was on the receiving end of a fast flurry of jabs and right hooks delivered by top heavyweight boxer), and that his lungs sucked at the atmosphere like a kid going after the last drop at the bottom of a fast-food milkshake cup, he turned and ran up the wooden steps, taking them two at a time, responding to “who knows what’s behind the front door of house number 1313,” the source of the yelping and squalling and screeching.

A quick twist of a slightly-dented steel doorknob, worn slick after many years and many turns by greasy, dirty hands, revealed a visibly shaken Ms. Patty Cakes, a petite blonde wearing a black bathrobe and a fresh coat of gleaming fire-engine-red polish on the nails of each of her ten stubby toes.

“Hurry, over here!” she said, pointing to an open doorway with one hand, clutching the robe tightly to her chest with the other. “It’s in the basement.”

Well, the officer’s mama didn’t raise no fool. “Ma’am, what’s in the basement?” he asked before taking a single step toward the entrance to the bowels of the home.

“The body! The dead body! That’s what’s in the basement! I heard a loud crash, and … I don’t know …  looked … and … he’s dead. And there’s blood, and a knife … and please, hurry! Come on, I’ll show you, but you’ll need a flashlight. The batteries mine are as dead as he is.”

Officer Findem clicked on his light, placed a hand on the butt of his gun, stepped in front of the nervous woman who detected a pleasant hint of Old Spice as he passed, and headed down the creaky, wood plank steps.

“See, it’s there. Right there … by the furnace.  told you, it’s a dead body!”

An hour later, Evelyn E. Dense (“Ev” for short), and her crackerjack team of crime scene  techs were hard at work collecting and packaging blood samples, the murder weapon, and hairs and fibers. “Ev” E. Dense is good at what she does. The best in the business, actually.

Findem was confident that he’d soon have his man, or woman.

Finding clues (evidence) is important, sure, but the manner in which those items are packaged can sometimes make, or break, a case. Common sense tells us to not pour the contents of a half-full wine glass into a cardboard box, right? So what are the proper containers for the many kinds of evidence encountered by crime scene techs and detectives?

Well, for starters, here’s “Ev” E. Dense’s handy guide to collecting and packaging items found at crime scenes.

Powders – clear plastic bags, paper (druggist folds), envelopes. Always separate by suspect, meaning don’t lump all things found at a scene in one package (powder found in Suspect A’s bedroom is packaged separately from the powder found in Suspect B’s bedroom).

Pills and tablets – clear plastic bags

Vegetation (weeds and other plant material retrieved from outdoor crime scene) – air dry and seal in paper container.

Plants – seal in paper container (bags, etc.) Never use plastic.

Needles and other sharps – always seal inside safety tubes with appropriate bio-hazard warning labels attached.

Urine – clean, leak-proof containers. Urine should be refrigerated, and may also be frozen.

Blood (liquid form)- vials containing appropriate anticoagulant. Refrigerate.

Blood-stains (dry) – collect sample using sterile swabs moistened with distilled water. Air dry and package (paper).

Blood-stained clothing – air-dry entire article, package in paper.

Wet evidence drying lockers

Blood-stained objects (guns, carpet, knives, furniture, etc) – deliver the entire object to the lab, if possible. For carpeting, isolate and remove stained area for transport and testing.

Seminal (semen) stains (dry) – collect sample using sterile swabs moistened with distilled water. Air dry and package (paper). For wet stains, collect using sterile swab and then air dry and package (paper). If needed, use alternate light source to detect seminal stains. For large items (mattresses, etc.), collect the entire piece and deliver to lab for testing.

Condoms – collect liquid using cotton swabs. Air dry both the swabs and entire condom. Package in paper.

Saliva – (dry) – collect sample using sterile swabs moistened with distilled water. Air dry and package (paper). For wet stains, collect using sterile swab and then air dry and package (paper). If needed, use alternate light source to detect seminal stains. For large items (mattresses, etc.), collect the entire piece and deliver to lab for testing. Cigarette butts, masks, chewing gum, etc., air dry and package in paper.

Fingernail area – swab between the nail and fingertip using sterile swab moistened with distilled water. Use separate swab for each hand. Package in paper and label appropriately (right hand and left).

Hairs and fibers – small boxes or paper (druggist fold). Do not bend hair. Do not mix samples.

Rope – preserve and protect cut ends for possible sharps identification. Plastic or paper container.

Ammunition (discharged) – package each piece separately (paper, such as envelopes, etc.).

Weapons – make each weapon safe, if possible (no ammunition, magazine removed, etc.). Package in cardboard box appropriately labeled “FIREARM,” etc.

*Plastic containers, such as Ziploc bags, can act as a mini-incubator, encouraging bacteria growth. Bacteria can decompose and/or destroy DNA.

*Policy and procedure may vary depending upon the individual department and/or lab.