The duties of a county (or city) sheriff differ a bit from those of a police chief. In fact, not all sheriffs are responsible for street-type law enforcement, such as patrol.

In many areas the sheriff is the highest-ranking law enforcement officer in the county.

Remember, this information may vary somewhat from one jurisdiction to another.

Who is a sheriff?

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1) Sheriffs are constitutional officers, meaning they are elected into office by popular vote.

2) Generally, sheriffs do not have a supervisor. They don’t answer to a board of supervisors, commissioners, or a county administrator. However, any extra funding that’s not mandated by law is controlled by the county government.

Sheriffs are responsible for:

1) Executing and returning process, meaning they serve all civil papers, such as divorce papers, eviction notices, lien notices, etc. They must also return a copy of the executed paperwork to the clerk of court.

2) Attending and protecting all court proceedings within the jurisdiction.

– A sheriff appoints deputies to assist with the various duties.

 

3) Preserve order at public polling places.

4) Publish announcements regarding the sale of foreclosed property. The sheriff is also responsible for conducting public auctions of foreclosed property.

5) Serving eviction notices. The sheriff must sometimes forcibly remove tenants and their property from their homes or businesses. I’ve known sheriffs who use jail inmates (supervised by deputies) to haul property from houses out to the street.

6) Maintain the county jail and transport prisoners to and from court. The sheriff is also responsible for transporting county prisoners to state prison after they’re been sentenced by the court.

7) In many, if not most, areas the sheriff is responsible for all law enforcement of their jurisdiction. Some towns do not have police departments, but all jurisdictions (with the exception of Alaska, Hawaii, and Connecticut) must have a sheriff’s office.

8) Sheriffs in the state of Delaware do not have police powers.

9) In California, some sheriffs also serve as coroners of their counties.

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10) In the majority of jurisdictions, sheriffs and their deputies have arrest powers in all areas of the county where they were elected, including all cities, towns, and villages located within the county.

*In most locations, deputies serve at the pleasure of the sheriff, meaning they can be dismissed from duty without cause or reason. Remember, in most areas, but not all, deputies are appointed by the sheriff, not hired.

The above list is not all-inclusive. Sheriffs and deputies are responsible for duties in addition to those listed here.

Set handcuffs

 

Handcuffs, the jewelry worn by most, if not all captured bad guys.

OJ’s worn them. Charles Manson and Martha Stewart too.

In fact, practically everyone who’s run afoul of the law has been introduced to the feel of steel circling their wrists.

The unmistakable sound made when the ratchet locks in place is a noise like no other. Trust me, there’s not much in this world that’ll ruin a person’s day more than hearing that sickening “clickity-click” when the ratchet teeth slide across the corresponding notches of the pawl (see diagram below).

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But there’s more to handcuffing than merely slipping the “bracelets” over a suspect’s wrists.  Before we continue, though, let’s take a moment to first learn a bit about these extremely important restraint devices.

I’ve already mentioned “pawl” and “ratchet,” and it’s easy to understand how those two parts work because they’re basically backward/opposite-facing teeth that, when pushed together, form a tight lock. They cannot be pulled apart. However, the locking action of the pawl and ratchet only works in one direction. In other words, they can continue to tighten since the rear-facing teeth only lock in one direction. The ratchet can continue to move forward against the pawl, but cannot be pulled backward.

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Parts of chain-link cuffs (above).

Ratchet teeth face in a backward direction (below).

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Closeup of the pawl between the two cheek plates (below).

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To lock the cuffs in place, the ratchet is inserted into the receiver/cheek plates where it locks against the corresponding teeth of the pawl.

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Hands and/or paws should ALWAYS be cuffed to the rear.

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Each pair of handcuffs is fitted with two locks. The first is the automatic lock that connects when the pawl hooks to the ratchet. This allows the officer to apply cuffs to the wrists of combative suspects without having to fumble around while trying to locate a lock, insert a key, etc., while the bad guy is throwing punches to the officer’s nose and jaw.

The second lock (double-lock), a button inset, is found on the underside of the body of the cuff near where the end of the ratchet exits the cuff body.

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Double-lock button (above).

To activate the double-lock, the officer uses the pointed tip of the handcuff key, the double-lock tip/actuator, to depress the button. This action prevents the ratchet from moving in either direction. Otherwise, the cuffs could, and often do, continue to tighten on the wearer’s wrists which could cause injury. Double-locking also prevents the wearer from picking the lock.

Officers double-lock cuffs after they’ve gained control of the suspect, but prior to placing the bad guy inside the patrol car/transport vehicle. ALWAYS double-lock cuffs before placing bad guys in the car. ALWAYS!

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Above – Actuator tip, or double-lock tip.

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Above – Use double-lock tip to depress double-lock button.

To release handcuff locks, officers insert the L-shaped portion of the key, the key flag, into the keyhole and turn the key to the left, much like unlocking your front door or a padlock. Turning the key releases the connection between the pawl and the ratchet, opening the cuffs. This action ONLY unlocks the first lock (when cuffs have NOT been double-locked)..

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Above – Key flag

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Above – Keyhole

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Above – Handcuff key inserted into keyhole.

To release the second lock, the double-lock, the key must first be turned 90 degrees to the left to unlock the pawl and ratchet. Next, the officer turns the key back to the right, 90 degrees past the starting point where the key was first inserted. So, left 90 degrees and then 180 degrees in the opposite direction. Make sense?

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So now you know the full details of, well, an open and shut operation.

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Friday's Heroes - Remembering the fallen officers

 

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Officer Collin Rose, 29

Wayne State University Police Department, Michigan

November 23, 2016 – Officer Collin Rose died as a result of a gunshot wound to the head sustained the previous day. He’d made contact with a suspicious suspect and was attempting to detain him when the man pulled out a gun and fired.

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Trooper Eric Ellsworth, 32

Utah Highway Patrol

November 22, 2016 – On November 18, 2016, Trooper Eric Ellsworth was at the scene of a downed power line where he attempted to warn a semi truck to prevent it from striking the live wire. As he stepped into the roadway to signal the truck driver, he was struck from behind by a vehicle traveling in the opposite direction. Trooper Ellsworth succumbed to his injuries four days later. He is survived by his wife, four sons, and his parents.

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Deputy Sheriff Eric Oliver, 32

Nassau County Florida Sheriff’s Office

November 22, 2016 – Deputy Eric Oliver was struck and killed by a vehicle while involved in a foot pursuit. He is survived by his wife and six-year-old daughter.

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Detective Benjamin Edward Marconi, 50

San Antonio Texas Police Department

November 20, 2016 – Detective Benjamin Edward Marconi was killed by ambush while conducting a traffic stop. He was sitting inside his patrol car writing a summons when a suspect walked up to the passenger side window and shot him once in the head. The man then leaned inside the car and shot him again.

Detective Marconi is survived by his two children.

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Deputy Commander Patrick Carothers, 53

United States Marshals Service

November 18, 2016 – Deputy Commander Patrick Carothers was shot and killed as he and members of a task force attempted to serve a warrant on a man who was wanted for attempted murder of police officers, domestic violence, and weapons violations.

Deputy Commander Carothers is survived by his wife and five children.

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Border Patrol Agent David Gomez, 44

Department of Homeland Security, Customs and Border Protection

November 16, 2016 – Agent David Gomez suffered a fatal heart attack while on bike patrol in Texas. He is survived by his wife, three children, parents, and two brothers.

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Assistant Commander Kenneth Joseph Starrs, 66

South Texas Specialized Crimes and Narcotics Task Force

November 16, 2016 – Assistant Commander Kenneth Starrs was killed when his department vehicle was struck by a Union Pacific freight train.

He is survived by his wife, daughter, two grandchildren, and sister.

 

A Taser delivers an electrical charge that disrupts muscle function. The devices are carried on the officer’s non-gun side, and they’re often marked with bright colors. The purpose of these two important details is to prevent officers from confusing the non-lethal Taser with their definitely lethal handgun.

Other less-than-lethal weapons available to law enforcement include handcuffs that are capable of delivering an electrical charge to the wearer. These cuffs (stun cuffs) are typically used when transporting prisoners, especially potentially dangerous or high-risk inmates.

Stun belts are also available, especially for use in prisons. Corrections officers (CO’s) train with the belts and are often called on to demonstrate and/or experience its effects. Officers refer to the painful act as “riding the belt.”

Many years ago, though, officers didn’t have the luxury of non-lethal devices, such as the aforementioned Taser. Neither did they we have have access to pepper spray, cages in police cars, rubber bullets, bean bags, etc. Instead, we had to rely on fast talking and sheer muscle power to get out of jams.

Sometimes the only thing that stood between having a wonderful day and a serious butt-whupping handed to you by a nine-foot-tall intoxicated, fire-breathing behemoth (well … that’s how big and mean they seemed to be at times) was using a flashlight to deliver a gentle “love tap” to an attacker’s thick skull (an aluminum shampoo). Of course, that’s no longer an option, but the tactic saved my butt more than once. And there’s one such event will forever stand out in my mind.

Rechargeable flashlight

While arresting a very unruly man, a guy who just happened to be twice my size (and I’m not small), my future prisoner decided he was allergic to handcuffs. And, during a brief struggle, my neck somehow wound up in the gentle grasp of the giant’s skillet-size hands. In other words, he was choking me with every ounce of strength he could muster up. I couldn’t breathe and I knew then how it must feel to be icing inside a pastry bag, because he was squeezing so hard I thought my eyes would pop from their sockets. Now, whether or not they’d eject in the form of delicate little rosettes, well, I didn’t want to find out. So …

The thug had me pinned against a wall in a position that made going for my gun (a revolver in those days) impossible. However, I finally managed to get a hand on my metal Maglite. So I started swinging with all my might (short strokes because of the odd angle), hoping to force the guy to release his grip. Finally, after a few hard whacks to his head, he let go. And, as they say, it was game on!

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Revolver

I eventually got that big moose handcuffed and delivered him to the jail. But, my car was not equipped with a “cage” to put him in for safekeeping (none of our cars had cages back then). So I placed him in the front seat next to me, latched his seat belt, and off we went. I made a point to let him know that my gun was in my hand with my finger on the trigger, and if he so much as looked at me wrong I’d shoot him. He behaved nicely. Actually, I think we were both too exhausted to do anything more than ride.

Aluminum and Plexiglass divider between the front and rear seats creates a “cage.”

The two of us must have been a real sight when we arrived at the jail—clothes torn, badge ripped from my shirt, bloody lips, flashlight-shaped knots on his head, fingerprint-shaped bruises on my neck, and more. But that was how it was back then.

Yep, those were the days, my friend …

Police Procedure and Investigation

 

It’s four in the morning and fatigue tugs on your eyelids. It’s a subtle move, like grasping the string on one of your grandmother’s window shades, slowly pulling it down. The action is so gracefully executed by the Sand Man you hardly notice it.

Thinking about your family asleep in a warm bed, you turn onto a side street trying to find a place to pull over. Five minutes. That’s all you need. Shouldn’t have spent those three hours today playing with the kids when you could’ve been sleeping. Still, that’s the only time you get to see them awake. What can you do? And, someone had to mow the lawn this afternoon, right? Oh yeah, tomorrow is the day you’re supposed to talk about police officers to your third-grader’s class. It won’t take long. Two or three hours at the most.

Sleep. You need sleep.

Your headlights wash over the back of the alley as feral dogs and cats scramble out of the dumpster that sits like an old and tired dinosaur behind Lula Mae’s Bakery. The knot of animals scatter loaves of two-day-old bread in their haste to escape the human intruder who dared meddle with their nocturnal feeding. A mutt with three legs hobbles behind a rusty air conditioning unit, dragging a long and narrow and dirty plastic bag filled with crumbled bagels. Tendrils of steam rise slowly from storm drains; ghostly, sinewy figures melting into the black sky.

The night air is damp with fog and dew; city sweat that reeks of gasoline and garbage. Mannequins stare out from tombs of storefront glass, waiting for daylight to take away the flashing neon lights that reflect from their plaster-like skin.

You park at the rear of the alley, stopping next to a stack of flattened cardboard boxes, their labels reflecting someone’s life for the week—chicken, lettuce, disposable diapers, and cheap wine.

Four more hours. If you could only make it for four more hours …

Suddenly, a voice spews from the speaker behind your head, “Shots fired. Respond to 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Back up is en route.”

“10-4. I’m 10-8.”

And so it goes. And goes, and goes…

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It’s believed by some that the graveyard shift (not this blog) got its name from people who accidentally buried their loved ones while they were still alive. Thinking their dearly departed had gone on to their reward, these folks unknowingly fitted an unconscious or comatose Uncle Bill or Grandma with a new outfit and a spiffy pine box. Then they buried them in the local cemetery where night workers claimed to hear the dead screaming for help from below the ground. When they dug up the coffins they sometimes found scrape marks and scratches on the interior side of the casket lids, indicating the person inside had tried to claw their way out before finally succumbing to a lack of oxygen.

To remedy the situation, caskets were fitted with a bell and a long string that reached to the inside of the buried coffin. This enabled the “dead” person to ring the bell should he awaken after his burial. Workers, the employees working “the graveyard shift,” could then quickly rescue the living dead.

The validity of this tale is debatable, but it makes for an interesting story, especially for police officers who have cemeteries to patrol in their precincts.

Friday's Heroes - Remembering the fallen officers

 

deputy-sheriff-dennis-wallace

Deputy Sheriff Dennis Wallace, 53

Stanislaus County California Sheriff’s Office

November 13, 2017 – Deputy Dennis Wallace was shot and killed at point blank range while investigating the driver of a stolen vehicle. It was determined that he’d been shot twice in the head. The killer was arrested later in the day after attempting to steal a woman’s purse.

Deputy Wallace is survived by his wife and children.

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Deputy Sheriff Justin White, 28

Newton County Georgia Sheriff’s Office

November 15, 2017 – Deputy Justin White was injured in a vehicle crash on October 30, 2017, while responding to assist at a medical call. He died as a result of those injuries on November 15, 2017.

Deputy White is survived by his daughter and girlfriend.

~

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Update – Since I posted this earlier today, another officer was shot to death. Therefore:

123 124 line of duty deaths so far this year, an 8% 9% increase over this time last year.

Of those 124 deaths, 56 57 officers were killed by gunfire, a 65% 68% increase.

49 officers died in auto-related incidents, including those were were intentionally struck, an 11% increase.

 

It’s official. We’ve become a world occupied by Chicken-Little-esque populations who mindlessly accept “the sky is falling” news without so much as looking up to see if it’s true or not.

You know what I’m talking about, and I’d be willing to wager that even you, yes you, have fallen for fake headlines, especially those seen on sites such as Facebook. I’m truly ashamed to admit it, but I’ve been known to roll a cursor over a story title or two and I do because they’re so doggone alluring to those of us who can’t resist. They’re like potato chips, right?

It’s been reported that fake election news on Facebook generated more activity than 19 of the top so-called legitimate news outlets combined (legitimate news – now that’s a questionable statement if there ever was one).

Cow Born with Human Arms Able to Milk Itself

Why, other than having a bit of fun, do people write these stories? Well, the answer is simple … money, of course. Isn’t that the motivation behind much of what humans do?

Breaking News! Chris Christie is Illegitimate Love Child of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton

For example, Paul Horner, a fake news superstar, has made a comfortable living by writing and posting faux news. In fact, you may not know it but I’m sure that, if you’re an avid Facebooker, you’ve probably seen and/or read at least one of his totally made-up stories. Such as:

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Don’t waste your time visiting the above webpage, unless that is, you enjoy seeing a ton of ads for clothing, Ellen Degeneres’ shocking secrets, Dr. Oz hawking wrinkle cream and, well, you get the idea. The ads are the reason behind the stories and headlines. Companies pay big bucks to post those things on websites.

The website listed above appears to be that of ABC News. However, the site address is not that of the real news agency. It is close, though. But the extra “.co” at the end of the address is what sets off the “fake site” alarm bells.

There are many other fake news sites out there, and they’re all waiting for us to click the bait-filled headlines. Unfortunately, all that’s accomplished is that headline-clickers are lining the pockets of those who write and publish the tall tales AND, these stories have been known to generate tons of of anger, gnashing of teeth, and exploding tempters equal to infernos of raging hellfire.

Believing these faux stories as hard fact has divided family and friends. They’ve caused anger and resentment. I see friends arguing and backstabbing and name calling each and every day over something I know to be totally false—a fake news report on Facebook. And, it is believed by some that these stories and click-baity headlines may have influenced the outcome of the recent election, another source of extreme anger.

Electoral College Disbanded: Future Elections to be Decided by Savvy Groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil

Many of these websites appear to be absolutely legitimate and their headlines reach out to grab us by the hand throat to reel us, the unsuspecting sheep, inside.

Here’s a great example of headlines that seem true, especially if the reader already has a dislike for cops and firefighters.

From Call the Cops, a website dripping with satire (but people believe it!):

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And …

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I know people believe these stories because someone read and complained about an article I published where I stated police officers are not trained to shoot hands, feet, weapons from a suspect’s hands, etc. The reader sent me a nasty note saying I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about because they saw a more reliable news article that reported a new mandate handed down by the Department of Justice that absolutely proved my information to be incorrect. The article-reader went on to say, according to the piece he/she read online, the DOJ has ordered all U.S. police officers to stop aiming for center mass and instead point their weapons toward softer targets, such as those aforementioned hands and feet. This, of course, was a faux article posted to Call the Cops.

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So, to hopefully put a damper on this horrible trend of people obtaining their news from phony sources, Facebook and Google are each cracking down by removing these faux sites from their advertising networks. Other sites are posting lists of these phony news sources. I know, how do we know if the sites posting the fake news sites are telling the truth?

I’m so confused.

But the sun is shining today and all is well. Unless you believe the latest report …

Chicken Little DEAD! Foxey Loxey and Henny Penny Arrested for Murder-For-Hire Scheme

 

* PLEASE, DO NOT POST POLITICAL COMMENTS!!!!!

(Seriously, this is real)

 

We’ve all seen those scary media reports of people’s home being robbed, right? You know, the stories describing broken windows and doorjambs and missing televisions and jewelry. Security video sometimes captures intruders raiding innocent refrigerators and pantries, and the thugs (thug – noun: a violent person, especially a criminal) even have the nerve to drink straight from cartons of milk and juice.

Indeed, a home break-in and burglary while you’re away or asleep in your bedroom is a traumatic experience. Believe me, I know from both perspectives, as a detective who investigated more B&E’s than I could possibly count, and as someone whose home was burglarized. Yes, a dumb crook actually broke into the property of a police detective and thought they’d get away with it. Puhleeze.

Anyway, it’s time to quash yet another misuse found in many writings, including works of fiction. Yes, this bit of “wrong” is often seen in mysteries, romance, romantic suspense, thrillers, etc.

So what is this terminology faux pas that so boldly stands on equal ground with the horribly inaccurate use of the nonexistent “odor of cordite?”

It is (hang on to your hats) … the ROBBERY of a house.

To illustrate, let’s have a look at this “news” story. Notice the headline.

HOUSE ROBBED WHILE FAMILY AT MOVIE

Cordite, Va – The home of I. Will Fillemfullalead on Glock Circle in Cordite was robbed last night between the hours of 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. The family was away enjoying a movie at a local theater at the time of the atrocious crime.

The robbers left the Fillemfullalead’s with very little. The Red Cross has offered their assistance.

“When we got home, we saw that our house had been robbed. They took everything, right down to to the kid’s handguns and reloading kits. They even took the goldfish and a brand new box of C-4 we’d planned to use for blowing up a few old stumps in the back yard.” said Mrs. Fillemfullalead. “I hope the police catch them before we do, or there’ll never be a trial.”

Police spokesperson, Captain I. M. Overwait, says investigators have no leads at this time. He vows, though, that his department will catch the robbers.

Okay, does this report sound a bit familiar? How many times have you seen headlines similar to the one above? Well, too many times if you ask me, because a house cannot be robbed. No way, no how. The legal definition of a robbery is this: To take something (property) from a person by force, violence, or threat.

From a PERSON. Not an inanimate object. From a PERSON. Not a building. Not a car. Not a boat. Not a plane. Not even a pic-a-nic baskeet.

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So no, Yogi, an inanimate object cannot be robbed. Not even an object as valuable as a picnic baskeet.

A house or business cannot be threatened or intimadated. Nope, there has to be an actual person/human, present. And he/she must have felt threatened and/or intimidated by the robber when the goods were taken.

Therefore, the Fillemfullalead’s home had been burglarized, and their property stolen. Not robbed as the media often mistakenly reports.

Please do keep this in mind when writing your stories.

Many people have asked me to review books on this site, and I’ve resisted for a long time. Well, I finally caved in a while back and agreed to start. Lo and behold, the first book that came my way featured both “the odor of cordite” and a house being robbed. Needless to say, I won’t be reviewing that one.

Now, back to robbery. Here’s a real case that involved, well, see for yourself. It’s tragic to say the least.

In 2012, a Texas teenager, Claudia Hidac, was shot to death during a botched robbery attempt at a local residence. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that the girl was found face down at the back door after gunfire broke out during the attempted robbery.

Hidac, the apparent “brains” of the operation, had directed two male accomplices to the residence where at least five people were at home at the time of the incident. One of Hidac’s partners was armed.

One of the three robbers kicked in the back door, and that’s when the exchange of gunfire erupted. The two male accomplices fled the scene, leaving 17-year-old Hidac dead from a shot to the head.

Both male accomplices have since been arrested, tried, and convicted for their parts in the robbery and murder. One, Curtis Fortenberry, 23, pled guilty to killing Claudia Hidic and was sentenced to 33 years in prison. The second man, Terrance Crumley, 23, pleaded guilty to tampering with evidence and theft charges and was sentenced to 17 years in prison. Both are eligible for parole, though. Ironically, the man who discovered Hidac’s body was found four months later hogtied and strangled inside a burning car. He’d been murdered, obviously. But that’s a different story.

In the case of Hidac, well, there was clearly a threat to the people inside the home, and force and violence were clearly present at the time the crimes were committed. This was a robbery.

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From Black’s Law Dictionary

No one was at home at the Fillemfullalead household, therefore, their home was burglarized.

Hopefully, I’ve made clear the difference between robbery and burglary.

What’s not clear is what drove Claudia Hidac to plan and commit such a crime.

Claudia Hidac – Facebook photo

The day has finally arrived. It’s news I’ve been sitting on for a long, long time. Now, however, I can spill the beans. so here goes.

The transition has begun to abolish all police departments across the country. Officers have until April 1, 2017 to turn in all gear, including firearms, badges, shoes, belts, pants, and even any underwear they’ve worn while on duty.

As of April 2, 2017 police officers former police officers are banned from speaking or writing about any activity they may have seen or been involved in during their tenure as enforcers of the law.

A new law called Stop Telling Me What to Do recently passed by overwhelming majority. Congress got behind the measure after hearing voters complaining about having to obey U.S and state law. Activists and politicians met in numerous closed door meetings until they finally came to a unanimous decision that police and rules, not criminals, are the root of all their woes.

So here’s how it will play out.

  1. As previously stated, no more police after April 1, 2017.
  2. All weapons returned by police officers will then be assigned to gangs for distribution among their members.
  3. A new sport, Red Light, Blue Light, is to be introduced in the fall of 2017. The object of the game is to see which of two opposing teams can set fire to, burn, and overturn the most number of police cars within a specific timeframe.
  4. All CVS drug stores will become the property of the newly formed Department of Fun and Games. The former pill outlets are to be used in another sport, Burn and Loot. Opposing teams have one have to empty all shelves. Bonus points are awarded to the team that rakes in the most cash from selling prescription narcotics to children.
  5. U.S. elections are to be phased out by December 31, 2017. Political candidates will then be selected from those who have the most number of Facebook followers. Those whose loyal constituents destroy the most property and block the most highways and scream and yell and shout and throw the most things, will then become our newly appointed leaders. There will be no requirements necessary to hold any position in U.S. government, including proof of active brain activity.
  6. The U.S. Constitution becomes null and void on January 1, 2017, meaning the newly formed No Laws Department may begin the difficult task of doing absolutely nothing while all citizens do as they please to anyone and everyone.

 

When I first entered into the glamorous world of law enforcement I fully anticipated that I’d spend my days and nights racing through city streets and county roads on my way to save mankind from evil while simultaneously rescuing puppies, kittens, and small children from the dangers of the world. However, two days after raising my right hand and swearing to enforce the laws of my state and country, the level of my expectations reduced … greatly.

I began my career serving as a deputy sheriff in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Our county sheriff, my boss, was a man who had one major goal, reelection. As a result, he believed in micromanaging his employees/appointees (deputies are appointed by the sheriff, not hired in the traditional sense).

I suppose keeping his deputies under his thumb was a means to control our actions, thereby ensuring that we’d not do a single thing that could cause a citizen to vote for an opposing candidate. Believe me, more than one deputy found themselves seeking other employment when they crossed the boss. Everyone, especially those who were magnets for trouble, basically walked on eggshells each and every day.

Some of us did our jobs well and were never called in on the “red carpet.” Others were not as fortunate. By the way, I used the term “red carpet” because walking into the boss’s office was like a visit to Elvis’s Graceland—black leather furniture, dark paneled walls, dark drapes (always pulled tightly closed), an overflowing ashtray on the walnut desk, and thick, blood-red shag carpeting. I’m talking velvet-painting hideous.

So yeah, being called to the high-sheriff’s office was indeed an experience, and it was typically not a good experience. Compliments were not his thing, so hearing his voice on the radio, “calling you in,” sent shivers down the spines of even the toughest of the tough.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t all that scary. Still …

Anyway, one of our keep-the-voters-happy duties included unlocking car doors for people who’d accidentally locked their keys inside. Well, this was an easy task back before carmakers decided to cram miles of wires and electronic thingies behind decorative door panels.

Before the introduction of electronic locks it was a simple matter of slipping a Slim Jim between the window glass and rubber weather strip, feel around until the tool hit the “lock rod,” and wiggle it around a tiny bit until the lock knob popped up.

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So preston, bingo, all was well and the happy citizen went about their daily routine, which included voting for the sheriff because his deputies were always there to save the day (not the type of day-saving I first had in mind).

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Slim Jim

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Notches used for “hooking” the lock rod and other mechanisms

After electronic locks replaced the simple, manual ones, things changed. No longer was unlocking a car door an easy task. In fact, it was quite the opposite and many officers, especially the old-timers, found themselves jabbing Slim Jims inside car doors while pushing and pulling and pumping the darn things in and up an down motion that brings to mind a frazzled grandma in the kitchen using a hand-mashing implement to frantically and wildly smash the heck out of a pot full of potatoes.

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Grandma pounded out a week’s worth of frustrations using one of these things while preparing Sunday lunch.

Sometimes during a particularly violent Slim-Jimming session, the device became entangled in the nests of wiring, rods, gadgets, and connections, and it was simply impossible to remove it without damaging an entire network of electrical, well, car stuff. Therefore, it was not all that unusual for an officer to leave the device protruding from the door of a high-end vehicle while the owner called a professional locksmith to unlock the car. Then off they’d drive (the car owner), heading to the dealership with long, flat piece of metal flapping in the breeze. Not a pretty sight and not pretty the next day when the deputy was called on the red carpet.

Thankfully, after a few similar and costly incidents the sheriff stopped us from unlocking cars, or attempting to unlock them.

Finally, to wrap up up this rambling post, I’d also like to stress how important it was to check all doors before beginning an all out Slim Jim assault on a car door. Why? Well, for example, I was on patrol one night and received a call from another deputy who asked if I was available to help him with a door he was having a hard time unlocking. He’d been at it for quite a while and was having absolutely no luck at all. To make matters worse the driver had locked her baby inside with the car running.

So I show up and see the deputy working frantically to “save” the child. He’s sweating profusely and has a huge “HELP ME” look on his face. The mother was crying hysterically. A crowd of bystanders were, well, standing by. The baby, however, was in full goo-goo-gaga mode, as happy as could be.

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I grabbed my own Slim Jim from my trunk and walked over to the car where I told my coworker I’d try the passenger door to see I could achieve any success. So, I step around to the other side and, believe it or not, simply reached in through the OPEN car window and hit the button to unlock all of the doors.

Everyone cheered and the mother/driver raced over to hug me before reaching inside the car to do the same to her baby.

The poor deputy who’d worked so hard and for so long to unlock a wide open car. He was a good sport and took the embarrassment well … sort of.