The day has finally arrived. It’s news I’ve been sitting on for a long, long time. Now, however, I can spill the beans. so here goes.
The transition has begun to abolish all police departments across the country. Officers have until April 1, 2017 to turn in all gear, including firearms, badges, shoes, belts, pants, and even any underwear they’ve worn while on duty.
As of April 2, 2017
police officers former police officers are banned from speaking or writing about any activity they may have seen or been involved in during their tenure as enforcers of the law.
A new law called Stop Telling Me What to Do recently passed by overwhelming majority. Congress got behind the measure after hearing voters complaining about having to obey U.S and state law. Activists and politicians met in numerous closed door meetings until they finally came to a unanimous decision that police and rules, not criminals, are the root of all their woes.
So here’s how it will play out.
- As previously stated, no more police after April 1, 2017.
- All weapons returned by police officers will then be assigned to gangs for distribution among their members.
- A new sport, Red Light, Blue Light, is to be introduced in the fall of 2017. The object of the game is to see which of two opposing teams can set fire to, burn, and overturn the most number of police cars within a specific timeframe.
- All CVS drug stores will become the property of the newly formed Department of Fun and Games. The former pill outlets are to be used in another sport, Burn and Loot. Opposing teams have one have to empty all shelves. Bonus points are awarded to the team that rakes in the most cash from selling prescription narcotics to children.
- U.S. elections are to be phased out by December 31, 2017. Political candidates will then be selected from those who have the most number of Facebook followers. Those whose loyal constituents destroy the most property and block the most highways and scream and yell and shout and throw the most things, will then become our newly appointed leaders. There will be no requirements necessary to hold any position in U.S. government, including proof of active brain activity.
- The U.S. Constitution becomes null and void on January 1, 2017, meaning the newly formed No Laws Department may begin the difficult task of doing absolutely nothing while all citizens do as they please to anyone and everyone.