The hero of your story had a long night answering call after call—he-saids, she-saids, chasing a Peeping Tom through back yards and alleys, a couple of drunks arguing over a near-empty bottle of Ripple, kids spray-painting Smiley Faces on stop signs, and the guy zooming on meth who insisted he was Jesus and attempted to prove it by damning you to hell a few dozen times after you refused to give him ten dollars “for food.”.

Yep, a looonnnggg night and it was only half over when Jimmy Bob “Peanut” Lawson, Jr. decided to join forces with his good friend Jack Daniels to blacken both of his wife’s eyes.

Well, Earlene, the wife, wasn’t about to stand for that so she poked ‘ol Peanut in the gut a couple of times with a dull carving knife. Didn’t break the skin, mind you, but the act was just enough to send Peanut off the deep end. Oh, he was plenty mad about it, yellin’ and screamin’ and stompin’ his Doc Martens across the kitchen linoleum, kicking at Porkchop, the family’s three-legged dog. But Porkchop, having been to this freak show one too many times in the past, knew to stay ten or twelve dog-dish-lengths away from his master’s size twelves.

After several minutes of plate, bowl, and pot-and-pan-throwing, one of the kids, a snot-nosed, freckle-faced boy of around ten or so, picked up the cordless and punched the speed dial button for 911.

So your character shows up, and Peanut, a Friday night regular, meets her in the driveway, huffing and puffing like an old coal-fired locomotive engine.

Now here’s where things could get a little dicey, so it’s best to run down the unwritten checklist your hero keeps tucked away in her head. You know, size him up. Is he armed? Is he really going to attack? Or, is all that chest-thumping and Tarzan-yelling just a show for the neighbors? Well, she’d better find out in a hurry because Peanut’s starting to spin like the Tasmanian Devil cartoon character.

How can you tell if this guy means business, or not? Well, let’s have a quick peek at the telltale signs that most crooks offer that’ll help you evaluate the situation.

Since weapons and other items that are capable of puncturing your flesh are your first concern, here are some common indicators that Peanut is carrying a hidden gun or knife. For example:

1. It’s 97 degrees outside and Peanut is wearing his heavily-insulated, blood-stained orange hunting jacket. Yes, Einstein, he’s probably wearing it to hide a sawed-off shotgun, the one Daddy gave him for Christmas when he was three. The chew marks on the stock are proof the gun was a go-to favorite during teething (his mama says he loved to bite and chew on anything that would fit in his pie hole).

2. The tail of his flannel shirt is out, but one side is riding higher than the other. A great sign that he’s wearing a weapon on the “high side.”

3. Sometimes, wearing a shirt tail on the outside is a sign that he might be carrying a weapon. Unfortunately, it’s also a sign to crooks, which means they might recognize you as an undercover officer.

Now, for the signs that Peanut is about to attempt to stomp your butt into the mud, and number one is a real doozy.

1. For some unknown reason, many offenders/would-be attackers feel the need to rip off their shirts prior to delivering the first blow. Therefore, when a drunk starts ripping cloth and zinging buttons across the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, well, that might be a good time to reach for the pepper spray. There’s plenty of time to grab the spray, by the way, because the shirt-ripping and cussing and hollering and posturing and yelling things about your mother takes quite a while to complete.

They sometimes decide to fight wearing nothing but …

I’ve even encountered a couple of losers who decided to fight me while wearing only their tighty-not-so-whities. Believe me, the sight is not one you can easily forget. And then there’s the uncomfortable situation of having to place your hands on a nearly naked person who’s almost always sweating profusely while smelling like like the south end of a northbound skunk.

Anyway, the shirt-ripping is usually accompanied by lots of top-of-the-lung screaming and yelling, especially nasty comments about your wife and mother. Sometimes I wonder if the latter is because theirs (mother and wife) are possibly one and the same.

Of course, if this (above image) is what you see when the shirt comes off, well, maybe it’s time re-think your career choice.

2. Another clue that Peanut is about “go for it” is when he starts glancing at a particular spot on your body, like your throat, stomach, or even a knee. Instantly, you should go on alert for a possible strike to that area. Peanut is announcing his intentions and he’s ready to pounce.

3. Peanut repeatedly glances behind you or to a spot off to your left or right just out of your line of sight. Watch out, because his partner may be approaching for a rear ambush. And, his partner is often Mrs. Peanut. Yes, even though her “loving husband” had just moments ago beat the ever-loving snot out of her she’ll often defend her man until the bitter end. Unfortunately, the end sometimes results in a funeral … hers.

These quick glances are also good indicators that Peanut has a hidden weapon nearby. For example, you’ve stopped Peanut for drunk driving and he’s constantly looking toward the glove compartment. Well, there’s a good chance that a weapon or other illegal items are concealed there.

The Lights Are On But Nobody’s Home

4. You arrive on scene and you approach Peanut, who is standing still, staring off into space—the “lights are on but nobody’s home” look. His jaw is clenched and he’s sweating profusely, even though you’re both standing in two feet of freshly-fallen New England snow (New England snow, to me, is the coldest snow on the planet). He doesn’t respond to you in any way, but you see the anger rising. Face is growing redder by the second. Veins poking out on his forehead. Eyes bulging. Yeah, you get the idea. Believe me, it is time to take a step back and start pulling every tool you’ve got on your duty belt because this guy’s getting ready to blow. Silence is definitely not golden in this case.

5. Peanut might have a “I’m not going to look at you” personality. This is another indicator that an assault may be on the way. If he’s staring at place on the ground, refusing to listen and obey your verbal commands, then be prepared for an attack. At the very least, be prepared for a battle when the time comes to snap on the cuffs.

I guess a good rule of thumb is to always assume the worst and hope for the best, which includes delivering the bad guy to the county jail without a single scratch on either of you.

Angry prisoner

 


Hurry!

Only three days remain to submit your entries for the fun 200-word Golden Donut Short Story Contest. Winner receives the coveted Golden Donut Trophy! Contest is sponsored by the Writers’ Police Academy.
The rules are simple. Write a story about the photograph provided, using exactly 200 words — including the title.

 

Homicide investigations are the crème de la crème of all investigations.

To solve a murder, investigators use all available resources. No sparing of the horses. Sometimes it’s a race to catch the killer before he strikes again. But detectives must still use caution and care when evaluating and examining all evidence, including the crime scene.

To maintain order, and to prevent disaster in court, detectives and other crime-scene investigators follow a mental checklist of things to do at a murder scene. Some use an actual written guideline. The list is actually a series of common sense questions that need to be answered before moving to the next stage of the investigation.

Crime Scene Dos and Don’ts – Click here.

Investigators should always determine what, if anything, has changed since the first responders arrived. Did the officers turn lights on or off? Did they move the body to check for signs of life? Did anyone else enter or leave the scene?

Crime Scenes … Watch Your Step!

Did the patrol guys open or close windows and doors? Did they walk through blood or other body fluids?

Crime-scene searches must be methodical and quite thorough. Every single surface, nook, and cranny must be examined for evidence, including ceilings, walls, doors, light switches, thermostats, door knobs, etc. Not only are they searching for clues and evidence, they’re looking for things that aren’t there, such as a missing knife, jewelry, or even the family car. Did the suspect take anything that could be traced back to the victim? Where would the killer take the items? To a pawn shop? Home? Toss them in a nearby dumpster?

Investigators must determine if the body has been moved by the suspect. Are there drag marks? Smeared body fluids? Transfer prints? Is there any blood in other areas of the scene? Is fixed lividity on the wrong side of the body, indicating that it had been moved after death

Does the victim exhibit signs of a struggle? Are there defensive wounds present on the palms of the hands and forearms?

Is there significant blood spatter? Is there high-velocity spatter? Did flies cause false spatter?

What is the point of impact? Where was the shooter standing when he delivered the fatal blow, or shot. Are insects present? If so, what types, and at which stage of their lives?

False spatter – “Hey, it’s what I do,” said the fly.

Once the detective is satisfied that all the checklist questions have been answered she can then move on to the next phase of the murder investigation, collecting physical evidence.

How do officers know, at a glance, when they’re addressing a ranking officer from another department? Well, the answer is as clear as everything else pertaining to law enforcement…it depends.

Police departments use many symbols of rank designation. Some department supervisors wear white shirts (some departments issue white shirts to all officers), while others issue gold badges to their higher-ranking officers. But the easiest way to tell an officer’s rank is to look at their collar insignia. Each pin is a representation of the officer’s rank.

Collar insignias, beginning with the top ranking officer (chief)

An eagle (birds) on each collar—Colonel, or Chief (some chiefs prefer to be addressed as Colonel).

Sheriffs and chiefs may also wear a series of stars to indicate their rank.

Oak leaf on each collar – Major

Two bars on each collar – Captain (the two bars are often called “railroad tracks”)

One bar on each collar – Lieutenant

Three stripes – Sergeant

Sometimes, a supervisor’s rank is indicated on their badge.

Two stripes – Corporal

Chevron, or single stripe – Private, or line officer

* An officer without a collar insignia is normally a line officer.

Hash Marks and Stars

Hash Marks on the sleeve indicate length of service. For example, each hash mark normally represents five years on the job. In the case of the chief of police above who has served his department for many years, each star in the circle above the hash marks represents five years of service, plus the four hash marks = a total of 29 years on the job.

Other pins and medals worn by officers may include (from top to bottom):

  • Name tag
  • Award ribbons – Community service award, length of service, expert marksman, lifesaving award, medal of valor.
  • Pistol expert (to earn this award the officer must consistently shoot an average of 95% or better on the range).
  • FTO pin worn by field training officers.
  • K9 pin worn by K9 officers

*Remember, ribbons and pins may vary in individual departments and agencies.

Pins on the back of name tags, ribbons, etc. are used to attach the insignias to an officer’s uniform. A small clasp (similar to an ear ring backing) is pressed over the pin tips to hold them in place.

Unfortunately, the clasps often fall off during scuffles with rowdy bad guys, and (if the officer is not wearing a bullet-resistant vest) can result in the pin tips puncturing the officer’s skin.

For a quick fix in the field, lost clasps can be temporarily replaced with pencil erasers.

 

It’s Saturday night, almost midnight, and your hero has just arrested a couple of strangers who sort of sound as if they’re speaking English. Sure, every third or fourth word is recognizable, but phrases such as, “If’n you don’t let me go I’ma gonna stomp a mud hole in your a**,” well, they just don’t quite make sense. But the drawl is a dead giveaway. Yep, those folks are from the deep south, where life is just about as fine as frog hair and the cotton grows pert near weevil free.

Still, without an interpreter your hero’s caught twixt a rock and a hard place. But this ain’t her first hog-callin’, no sir. She’s been in this pree-dict-a-ment a’fore. So she reaches for her handy-dandy Officer’s Guide To Southern Speak, and within seconds she’s a hootin’ and a hollerin’ with the best of of ’em.

You, too, can join in on the conversation, if’n you have a mind to. All you have to do is print out the handy guide (below) and keep it nearby because you’ll want to know exactly what to do when Bubba Lee Johnson, Jr. says, “You feel froggy, Bubba? Well … jump.”

Yes, dear old Bubba wants to fight, bless his heart, and now it’s time for the officer to go on high alert.

After his reference to hopping amphibians, Bubba spat out his Redman chew—the whole wad—and snatched off his grease-stained I LUV Jeff Gordon t-shirt, while puffing out his sunken, narrow chest. Those actions sealed the deal. He was definitely ready to fight and his “froggy” words were a dare for you to make the first move (why they always, always, always tear off the t-shirt when they’re riled up is a mystery of the universe, along with black holes and Stonehenge). I know, it’s complicated.

Anyway, poke your finger at the print button, ’cause if the good Lord’s willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I’m fixin’ to help you understand Southern Speak (remember, these sayin’s vary, depending upon where in the south you choose to hang your hats).

To help us out, Cap’n Bubba Lee is going to share some of his favorite expressions. Take it away, Cap’n.

Cap’n Bubba Lee

1) He’s so poor he cain’t pay attention: A person of meager means. “There’s goes Billy Buck over yonder. I hear tell that since the cops shut down his meth-making operation he’s so poor he cain’t even pay attention.”

2) D’rectly: In a little while. “I’ll be there d’rectly.”

3) Like white on rice: Extremely close to something or someone. “Bobbi Sue is so stuck on Junior she’s like white on rice.”

4) Looks like two bulldogs in a gunny sack: The motion of a female’s rear end is very appealing. “Hey, Junior, look at ‘ol Bobbi Sue a-walkin’ over yonder. Looks like two bulldogs in a gunny sack.”

5) Fixin’ to: Going to. “I done worked up a powerful thirst a lissnin’ to Preacher Buck rattlin’  on about sin and whatnot, so I’m fixin’ to head down to the liquor store. You want anything?” 

*Fitzen’ is an acceptable synonym.  Its use depends upon locale and/or the amount of snuff packed between the teeth and lower lip. “I’m fitzen’ to drive the lawnmower over to Uncle Billy’s house. I’ma ask him if’n I can borry his pistol to shoot that rat what keeps a pokin’ ’round the kitchen stove. Dang near scared mama to death this mawnin’.”

6) Blessed me out: Fused or cussed. “I got Bobbi Sue preg-nit and dang if’n her husband didn’t bless me out. Twice!”

7) Like a cow peeing on a flat rock: A downpour. “It’s raining so hard it sounds like a cow peeing on a flat rock.”

8) Slicker’n snot: Eextremely slippery. “That dad-gum snow made my driveway slicker’n snot.”

9) Fine as frog hair: Exceptionally nice. “Why, I’m as fine as frog hair. Thanks for asking.”

10) Rode hard and put away wet: Looking pretty bad. “Dang, what happened to ‘ol Robbie Roadkill? He looks like he’s been rode hard and put away wet.”

11) Hungry enough to eat the south end of a northbound skunk: Famished. “I ain’t eat in three days. I’m hungry enough to the eat the south end of a northbound skunk.”

12) Mouse peeing on cotton: Extremely quiet. “It so quiet in here it’s, well, quieter’n a mouse peeing on cotton.”

13) Dancing in high cotton: Successful/wealthy. “My tax check just come in the mail and I’m dancing in high cotton. Gonna buy me a mess of scratch tickets down at the Piggly Wiggly.”

14) Stove up: Sore muscles. “Dang, Lulu’s old man come in the back door and I hadda run all the way home. Now I’m all stove up.”

15) Nabs: Lance snack crackers. “I’m going to the store to get me a pack of Nabs”.

16) Catfish are carrying canteens: Dry conditions/drought. “It’s so dry the catfish are carrying canteens.”

So there’s 16 expressions your hero is likely to encounter in the south. So listen closely and keep your guide handy. And, bless your heart, not everything that sounds nice is a compliment.

Bless your heart – normally an expression meant as a polite insult, meaning you’ve just been called an idiot, ugly, dumb, etc.

The phrase is often used in a sentence to contradict the subject. “That baby is cute, bless her heart.”  Or, “Sure Junior’s smart. So don’t you worry none. He’ll soon graduate the fifth grade, bless his heart. And now that the judge gave his driver’s license back—I know, his fourth DUI—he can stay late more often to study with that new teacher, Miss Take. They been studying at night in her car, you know.”

Junior, Junior and his dad, Junior, Senior

Mindless Superhero

Remember, the above terms and phrases may or may not carry over to all areas of the South. This is a tongue and cheek piece and I mean no disrespect to anyone, and that goes for you, too, Junior, Jr. Yes, I once came across a guy whose actual, real name was Junior, Jr. His father, of course, was Junior, Sr.

Now, before any of you “bless me out,” I’ve lived somewhere in the south most of my adult life. I’ve actually heard the expressions listed above, many, many times.

How about you? What are your favorite southern sayings and slang?


 

Stop rolling your eyes!

This article is intended as a tongue in cheek piece. None of my fellow southerners were harmed in the process … bless their hearts. And yes, I know I’m corny so you can stop rolling your eyes …

Please, NO political comments.

 

Exciting News!

The Writers’ Police Academy is pleased to announce the June 2022 return to in-person, hands-on training in Green Bay, Wi., at one of the country’s top law enforcement training academies. Registration for this action-packed, thrilling event often sells out quickly. Therefore, for the first time ever you’ll have a chance to secure your spot in advance. In addition, this offer includes a 5% discount off the 2022 registration fee.

Here’s all you have to do to take advantage of this incredible opportunity—sign up to attend 2021 MurderCon. It’s that simple!

Click this link to sign up for MurderCon.

Once you’ve registered for MurderCon, your 2022 WPA spot is automatically reserved at the specially discounted rate (5% discount off the 2022 rate).

Writers drive police vehicles in hot pursuit, then perform PIT maneuvers. THRILLING and HEART-POUNDING!

This offer applies retroactively to everyone who’s already registered to attend the 2021 MurderCon event!

Those of you who elected to rollover your Writers’ Police Academy registrations from the 2020 event that cancelled due to COVID, your spot is reserved for the 2022 WPA, at the 2020 rate. 

To claim your discounted rate, you must complete a new registration form. The 2022 WPA registration opens in February. Details coming soon.

In the meantime, sign up to attend the 2021 MurderCon, the ultimate training event featuring incredibly detailed and cutting-edge workshops. 

Click this link to sign up for MurderCon.

All MurderCon participants will receive a free mini fingerprinting kit to be used during an interactive class!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MurderCon sessions, taught by some of the world’s leading experts, have never been available to writers, anywhere. The information presented is typically for law enforcement eyes only./

 

 

*The exact days of the 2022 Writers’ Police Academy date TBD.

Leading characters should be written as real people with real problems and real goals. They’re people a reader wants to care about. Protagonists are likeable and smart, yet flawed in some way.

Sure, the hero will win, we know that, and we love seeing them doing what they do to solve the murder du jour. But what should they NOT do while poking and prodding through crime scenes? Well, here’s a short list of eight things we shouldn’t see in your books.

Don’t touch!

1. Picking up the murder weapon at an already secure homicide scene is a no-no. First, investigators should be sure the weapon was photographed exactly as it was found. Next, when the time comes to move the firearm, the detective should use care to protect possible fingerprints, trace evidence, and DNA. Of course, if the scene is not secure and 100 people are still running through the area like crazed zombies, officers should immediately secure the weapon using whatever means available, if any, to prevent contamination and to avoid the possibility of becoming murder victim number two.

2. Don’t let your hero cover the body with things found at the crime scene (blankets, sheets, the living room rug) because doing so could transfer potential evidence from the covering to the body, or from the body to the covering. I promise, the dead guy doesn’t care that he’s lying on the floor in his birthday suit.

3. Don’t let TV cops blunder around inside your protagonist’s crime scene. Outsiders are apt to step on evidence, spill things, move evidence, bring things into the crime scene (fibers, etc.) that shouldn’t be there, and they always, always, always touch things.

A crime scene isn’t the place to have a conversation about going to Cape Cod on vacation while walking from room to room drinking a cup of coffee. This also isn’t the time for shyness. If necessary, have the hero use their best command presence and demand that looky-loo’s remain outside the perimeter.

4. Please don’t have your hero dig a bullet from the door casing and then immediately say, “Just as I suspected, the murder weapon is a 9mm SIG Sauer.” It’s darn near impossible to know the caliber of misshapen bullets/fragments merely by looking at them, and cops, or anyone else, certainly wouldn’t be able to guess which brand of gun fired it. The same is true about entrance and exit wounds. You can’t judge the caliber size merely by glancing at an wound in human flesh.

5. Revolvers do NOT automatically eject spent brass. If empty casings are found at the crime scene it’s likely because the shooter manually dumped them there, which would be highly unlikely. Semi-automatics and automatic weapons do automatically eject spent casings, but you won’t find them in a neat little pile beside the body. Normally, semi- and fully-automatic weapons eject brass a few feet away from the shooter, and they may bounce in several directions, depending upon the surface/item they strike—concrete floor, wood flooring, lamps, tables, carpeting, etc.

Inanimate objects cannot be robbed. Stealing from a home is burglary.

6. Robbers cannot rob a house. A robbery occurs when a bad guy forces someone—a person, not an inanimate object—to give him money/items. Breaking into an empty house and taking a TV or jewelry is burglary. The two are not synonymous. They are not the same! I’ll say it again, robbery and burglary are not the same.

7. Cordite. Need I address this again? Your hero won’t smell cordite because the stuff is no longer used in modern ammunition.

Now, let’s delve a bit deeper into a couple of the areas I mentioned in the above list of things a protagonist should not do. For instance, I highlighted the fact that detectives should NOT cover the body with any item found at the scene. I also detailed that people entering a crime scene could contaminate the area by bringing in trace evidence on their shoes, clothing, etc. Tertiary transfer, my good friends, is the reason why these things should never take place, and here’s why not.

8. Tertiary DNA Transfer – DNA can be accidentally transferred from one object to another. A good example could be the killer who shares an apartment with an unsuspecting friend. He returns home after murdering someone and then tosses his blood-spattered shirt into the washer along with his roommate’s clothing. The machine churns and spins through its wash cycles, an action that spreads the victim’s DNA throughout the load. Police later serve a search warrant on the home, seize the clothing, and discover the victim’s DNA on the roommate’s jeans. The innocent roommate is arrested for murder.

Tertiary Transfer of DNA Evidence

The same can occur with touch DNA. A man shares a towel with his wife and his DNA is subsequently transferred to her face and neck. Later, a stranger wearing gloves chokes the woman to death, transferring the husband’s DNA from the victim’s face to the killer’s gloves. The assailant removes the gloves and leaves them at the scene. Police confiscate the gloves, test them, and find the husband’s DNA. He is then charged for his wife’s death while the real killer is free to murder again.

The example above (the choking case) actually happened, and those of you who attended the Writers’ Police Academy session taught by DNA expert Dr. Dan Krane heard him speak of it. He was the expert who proved this was indeed possible and he testified to it in the groundbreaking case involving accused killer Dr. Dirk Grenadier.

By the way, I’ve been talking about tertiary transfer/secondary-transfer of DNA evidence for a few years now. In fact, I first wrote about it in my book on police procedure, but I don’t think everyone believed me.

Here’s what I wrote (page 170 – 171 of Police Procedure and Investigation).

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“It’s actually quite easy to transfer DNA evidence. When evidence is transferred from a person to an item, it’s called a primary transfer of evidence. When evidence is transferred from one item to another, it’s called secondary transfer. Tertiary transfer occurs when the DNA that’s been transferred to a second item is again transferred to a third item. 

DNA can also be transferred to people who then use that item, such as a towel that’s been used by someone else. DNA can even be transferred from one article of clothing to another in a clothes washer.

Evidence that’s been cross-contaminated will exhibit false results and could be used to convict the innocent and allow the guilty to go free.”


“In December 2012 a homeless man named Lukis Anderson was charged with the murder of Raveesh Kumra, a Silicon Valley multimillionaire, based on DNA evidence. The charge carried a possible death sentence. But Anderson was not guilty. He had a rock-solid alibi: drunk and nearly comatose, Anderson had been hospitalized—and under constant medical supervision—the night of the murder in November. Later his legal team learned his DNA made its way to the crime scene by way of the paramedics who had arrived at Kumra’s residence. They had treated Anderson earlier on the same day—inadvertently “planting” the evidence at the crime scene more than three hours later.” ~ by Peter Andrey Smith, Scientific American


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Exciting News!

The Writers’ Police Academy is pleased to announce the June 2022 return to in-person, hands-on training at one of the country’s top law enforcement training academies. Registration for this action-packed, thrilling event often sells out quickly. Therefore, for the first time ever you’ll have a chance to secure your spot now. In addition, this offer includes a 5% discount off the 2022 registration fee.

Here’s all you have to do to take advantage of this incredible opportunity—sign up to attend 2021 MurderCon. It’s that simple!

Once you’ve registered for MurderCon, your 2022 WPA spot is automatically reserved at the specially discounted rate (5% discount off the 2022 rate).

Writers drive police vehicles in hot pursuit, then perform PIT maneuvers. THRILLING and HEART-POUNDING!

This offer applies retroactively to everyone who’s already registered to attend the 2021 MurderCon event!

Those of you who elected to rollover your Writers’ Police Academy registrations from the 2020 event that cancelled due to COVID, your spot is reserved for the 2022 WPA, at the 2020 rate. 

To claim your discounted rate, you must complete a new registration form. The 2022 WPA registration opens in February. Details coming soon.

In the meantime, sign up to attend the 2021 MurderCon, the ultimate training event featuring incredibly detailed and cutting-edge workshops. 

*MurderCon sessions, taught by some of the world’s leading experts, have never been available to writers, anywhere.

Mr. X is a former business professional who committed a crime that landed him in federal prison. He’s out now and agreed to share his story with the readers of The Graveyard Shift. Off we go …

GYS: Describe your first day in prison.

Mr. X: The place itself wasn’t as bad as it was being away from my family. I kept wondering how they were, what they were doing, and what they were going to do. Also, my gut was craving my medication. Of course the prison staff didn’t care about either of those things. Don’t get me wrong, they treated my okay—they didn’t beat me or anything like that. But it was obvious that I was just a number. Even though what I’d done was not violent they still treated me as if I were another Charles Manson or Jeffery Dahmer.

Still, I was an addict and I needed medical help. But some of the guards thought otherwise. One thought I was faking and told me to knock it off or he was going to put me in the hole. I didn’t know what the hole was at that point, but it didn’t sound good. Another guard, a female, managed to get me to the medical department. That was a real experience. I wound up being really sick—lying in the floor vomiting quite badly into a metal trashcan. A nurse kept peering at me through a small, thick glass window. After twenty minutes or so she came out and told me to fill out a sick slip (a request to see the doctor) and the doctor would see me on his next visit to the facility, in two or three days. I ended up toughing it out, going cold turkey in my cubicle. My bunkie (cellmate) helped me through the ordeal.

GYS: You were in a federal prison, right?

Mr. X: Yes, it was a minimum security federal prison. Before I was arrested I never knew there were such places.

GYS: You mentioned a “bunkie.” Tell us a little about sharing a living space with another inmate.

Mr. X: Honestly, I was horrified at the thought. I’d never been in trouble before. I’d always obeyed the law—until I was sick. I’d never stolen anything, or hurt anyone. I never would either. So to be dropped in a dormitory with 300-400 criminals was a real shock to me. There were honest to God bad guys in that place. I met bank robbers, big-time drug dealers, and even a mafia underboss. On the other end of the spectrum were the tax evading doctors, lawyers, and dentists. I learned that lots of people in federal prison are business people—the guy next door—who committed white collar crimes. Crooks, yes. But harmless.

I will say this, I never met anyone in the system who didn’t deserve to be there. Me included. Sure, I heard lots of men proclaim their innocence, but that’s basically BS.

My bunkie, the man who slept in the upper bunk above me, was a decent sort of guy. He’d been drafted to play pro sports, but couldn’t seem to leave the drugs alone. Long story short—he got caught with a couple of kilos of cocaine before training camp. Next thing he knew he was living in a concrete building with several hundred men, many of whom had followed his college career on TV. What a shame.

GYS: How did you spend your days?

Mr. X: Well, if you believe what you see on TV and in the movies—the rock breaking and planning the next escape—you’ll be a little disappointed. Every inmate has to have a job. For the first year my job was in the prison kitchen wiping tables and keeping the little chrome napkin holders full. I worked the evening shift which also meant I mopped the floor after dinner was complete. The rest of the day I spent taking classes, reading (I read over 500 books during my time in prison), or out on the recreation yard playing Bocce whenever I could get in a game. The Italian guys monopolized the Bocce courts. Oh, that’s one thing about prison—the place is strongly divided into ethnic groups. Italians hang out together, Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, etc. Even the TV rooms are segregated, and the wrong person better not wander into the wrong room.

When I finally made my way to camp for the last year, my job changed to working in landscaping. That was pretty relaxing—hard work, but relaxing.

GYS: Sounds as if your days were full. How about the evenings and nights?

Mr. X: I didn’t get out of the kitchen until around 7 p.m. so I missed a lot of action on the yard—the football, basketball, and soccer games. But I did get a chance to hear some of the music played by the various prison bands. They’d set up the music equipment on the yard and play for the guys. Some of the bands were really quite good. Even the bands were all ethnic based.

Did I mention food on the holidays? Special meals were prepared on various holidays, such as Mexican food on Cinco De Mayo.

Anyway, the yard was cleared at 9 p.m. We all had to be back inside our dorms for 10 p.m. count. They were very strict about the count rules. We had to stand perfectly still by our bunks—no talking—while two guards came by to count us. Any violation meant a trip to the hole (the hole is a no frills/no privileges jail hellhole inside the prison). After count was cleared (a buzzer sounded) we were free to watch TV, play cards, do laundry, cook food, visit guys in other cubes, etc. We just couldn’t go back outside.

Nighttime was also the time when guys got tattoos, drank alcohol, did drugs, etc. It was also the time to steer clear of the showers unless you wanted to participate in the goings-on in there. The showers were place to go to dole out punishment on someone. Groups of prisoners would grab an offender (someone who had disrespected them), drag the guy into a shower stall, and then beat the daylights out of him. And if he told what happened he got it worse the next time. Of course other things I won’t mention happened in there, too. Needless to say, I showered in the morning and in the early evening, during the safe times. It didn’t hurt that my bunkie was the size of a small bulldozer, either. People generally left him alone. I was shown professional courtesy—you didn’t mess with the bunkie of guys who could rip off your head with one hand.

Lights out was at 11 p.m. I was usually in bed reading by 10. I had to wear earplugs (the commissary sold them) to sleep because of the noise. Lots of talking at night. And the snoring! Oh God! Imagine trying to sleep in one large room full of men that snore like lions.

It was tough.

Leavenworth Prison dorm – circa 1910

We were permitted to purchase small radios and earbuds from the commissary, so I’d lie in my bunk at night listening to the sad-sack songfest played by radio DJ Delilah. Those tear-jerking tunes and pitiful stories about the lovesick, lonely fans of her show added to my misery and homesickness, yet I’d listen night after night until I drifted off to sleep.

And so it went, day after day and night after night. Three long years of no change, nothing new, same-old, same-old, and a clock ticking at the pace of a snail on barbiturates.

I’m the old guy at the end of the street. The Grumpy Gus who doesn’t want kids in his yard. In fact, I don’t want to hear their squeals and the squalls or their giggles and games. I don’t want to see their toy cars and trucks, their skateboards, basketballs, and pigtails and buzzcuts. None of it. I do not want them in my yard. Nor do I want them in my driveway scrawling cutesy multi-colored chalk pictures across the concrete. I don’t even want them playing in front of my house.

The neighbors talk. They don’t like me because I don’t step outside to chat when they pass by while walking their four-legged pee and crap machines who leave little “bundles of joy” on my property, offensive “stuff” I have to scoop up. I know they leave it on purpose.

The people who live on my street, the adults, think I’m odd. Crazy, some say. They point and they whisper when they see me rolling my garbage cans to the curb each Tuesday evening.

The children won’t stop coming into my yard. They enjoy taunting me. They’re bullies, but in miniature size. They toss my landscaping rocks out into the street and they uproot the accent lighting around my trees and shrubs. They write on my sidewalk and they spray-paint the sides of my car. They’ve scratched both car doors, using a nail or something of the sort, and they steal mail from the mailbox and then scatter it along the street.

I used to like kids. Really, I did. All ages and sizes too. I adored their precious little smiles and their innocent questions and nonstop chatter. I enjoyed watching them play. They made me smile. The sounds of their giggles and yowls and shrieks were like music to my ears.

My house, in fact, was once the hub of activity for the neighborhood kids. They came to play with my two children, Seth and Sarah. They’re both grown now, though, with kids of their own, and they moved away many years ago, long before my current neighbors moved in. I’m the last of the original homeowners in my development.

My new neighbors are strangers. They don’t know a single thing about me. They didn’t know me back when I was still in uniform patrolling the interstate highways and county roads. They didn’t know me on the day when I was stabbed three times—one wound to the head, one in the hand, and the other in my right shoulder. They weren’t around when the house on Maple was fully engulfed in flames and I went in and pulled out the old man trapped inside. Sure, I lost some hair and earned a couple of nasty burns, but the gentleman survived and he stops by to see me once in a while.

My neighbors …. well, they don’t know about the incident that started the “kids in the yard” thing.

It was a Wednesday night. My report indicated the the weather was clear, but no moonlight. Road conditions were also clear, and dry. No obstructions. Nothing, including skid marks. There were none.

When I arrived, a citizen was standing by. She’d called it in. Had to drive to a nearby country store to use the payphone hanging on the wall outside, next to the Coke machine. I’d passed by it a million times.

The car was fully engulfed in flames.

The driver was obviously deceased. The woman on the passenger side, well, her head was missing. I later found it lying in the ditch, staring up at me after I pulled a stand of weeds to the side to better see the object hidden at their base.

Three children occupied the backseat. We didn’t know this until after the firefighters extinguished the blaze.

I only knew about one of the rear seat occupants—a little girl. The medical examiner later told me she was seven-years-old. Hers was the only face I could see through the boiling black smoke and yellow-orange fire with heat was so intense it burned my eyebrows and the hair on my arms before I ever reached the car.

Fifteen feet. That’s as close as I could get without being severely burned.

But she was screaming. “Help me, please!”

Her sweet face was knotted in agony. Her eyes … I’ve read it in books before, “Her eyes pleaded with him,” but I never truly grasped what those authors had in mind when they penned the words … until I stood helpless before a girl whose tiny doe eyes pleaded with me to rescue her from the hell she was experiencing.

Tires deflated and dissolved. Paint bubbled like hot tar. The asphalt beneath the burning car melted like butter dancing and sizzling in a hot skillet. Glass shattered. Flames crackled and buzzed and things inside the car popped and fizzed and banged and settled. Car seats burned like fireplace logs. In the middle of of all of this sat the little girl, clawing at the scorching-hot metal car door.

I pushed through the heat and smoke and I tried to grab the child. I tried to open the door but  it was like grabbing molten lava. I reached for her and she for me. But …

She screamed and she screamed and she screamed.

And then she was calm, and the screaming stopped.

Her pitiful cries for help still haunt me to this day.

So does the fact that I failed to save her.

It’s not that I don’t like kids. I love them. I really do.

I just can’t take the sounds they make, or seeing their happy faces.

They remind me that I failed that little seven-year-old child.

That sweet little face.

I see it every time one of those kids comes into my yard, or when they play in the street in front of my house.

That sweet little face.

So that’s why I’m the old guy at the end of the street.

Because it hurts.

*This tale is based on a ton of fact, but presented in a fictional sort of way. Yes, it’s most definitely true, but it’s about a lot of people, not just Grumpy Gus.

Gus, by the way, is very close to me. Extremely close …

Has political correctness gone amuck in the world of cops and robbers?  After hearing this radio transmission, I’d say yes.

“Be on the Lookout for a morally challenged subject who’s a rube-esque prone repetitive exterminator of respirations and pulse. Subject described as follicularly challenged and metabolic phenomenon. Use caution. He is a person with a flesh perforating corpuscle leaker.”

10-2. Morally Challenged Subject: Bad guy

10-3. Person of Unsavory Qualities: Crook

10-4. Understand Request/Statement: Okay

10-5. Residentially Challenged Individual/Displaced Homeowner: Homeless Person

10-6. Authenticity Challenged Subject: Insane Person

10-7. Exterminator of Respirations and Pulse: Murderer

10-8. Repetitive Exterminator of Respirations and Pulse : Serial killer

10-9. Rube-esque Prone: Redneck

10-10. Sexually-Focused Intelligence Gatherer: Peeping Tom

10-11. Mechanically Challenged Automobile: Disabled Vehicle

10-12. Intra-Species Diner: Cannibal

10-13. Living Impaired Upon Disembarkation: DOA (Dead on Arrival)

10-14. Aquatically Challenged Subject: Person Who’s Drowning 

10-15. Chemically Challenged/Inconvenienced: Drug Addict 

10-16. Life Inhibited: Dead

10-32. Person with Flesh Perforating Corpuscle Leaker: Man with Gun

10-33. Crisis Insistent Situation: Emergency

10-36. Appropriate Allotment on Chronograph: Correct Time

10-37. Involuntarily Terminated: Assassinated

10-38. Undocumented Apothecary: Drug Dealer

10-39. Undocumented Acquisitions Expert: Burglar

10-40. Temporary Guest of Government Housing: Prison/Jail Inmate

10-41. Wealth Redistribution Expert: Robber

10-42. Public Service Bonus: Kickback/Bribe

10-43. Population Control Expert: Mass Murderer

10-44. Unplanned Retrospection of Recent Meal Selections: Vomiting

10-45. Metabolic Phenomenon: Fat

10-88. Follicularly Challenged: Bald

10-100. Urgent Need to Eliminate Food and Drink Byproducts: Restroom Break

*Please remember that 10-Codes vary from one area to another. 10-4?

Also, let’s hope that neither of these goofy codes are in use, but these days, well, you never know what to expect. 

 

There’s been quite a bit of recent discussion among writers about which agencies investigate crimes that occur on tribal lands. Therefore, I thought you might be interested in seeing a few of the May, 2021 indictments handed down by a federal grand jury.

This is one list, from one district, in one U.S. state—the Northern District of Oklahoma.

The list names the defendants and offers a brief description of the crime(s) for which they’re charged. In addition, contained within the descriptions are the investigating agencies. You’ll see that in most of the Indian Country cases, the investigations are conducted by multiple agencies, such as the FBI, ATF, DEA, local police and sheriff’s offices.

*To learn more about the relationships between agencies and how they interact, please read the brief section below the list of indictments.


Federal Grand Jury B Indictments Announced by Acting United States Attorney Clint Johnson

The following individuals have been charged with violations of United States law in indictments returned by the Grand Jury. The return of an indictment is a method of informing a defendant of alleged violations of federal law, which must be proven in a court of law beyond a reasonable doubt to overcome a defendant’s presumption of innocence.

Bryce Martin Agnew. Aggravated Sexual Abuse of a Minor in Indian Country. (21-CR-224)Agnew, 77, of Bartlesville, is charged with knowingly engaging in a sexual act with a minor under the age of 12, on July 9, 2009. The FBI and Bartlesville Police Department are the investigative agencies.

David Abel Alvarado. Assault with a Dangerous Weapon with Intent to do Bodily Harm in Indian Country. (21-CR-232)  Alvarado, 19, of Tulsa, is charged with assaulting a victim on April 26, 2021, by stabbing the victim in the chest. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Lucas Wayne Armentor. Assault of an Intimate/Dating Partner by Strangling and Suffocating in Indian Country (Count 1); Assault by Striking, Beating, and Wounding (Misdemeanor) (Counts 2 and 4); and Kidnapping in Indian Country (Count 3). (21-CR-218) Armentor, 37, of Skiatook, is charged with strangling and suffocating an intimate partner on March 27, 2021. He is further charged with striking, beating and wounding the female victim on March 27, 2021, and April 30, 2021. Finally, he is charged with kidnapping the victim on April 30, 2021. The FBI and Skiatook Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Denim Lee Blount; Hunter Lee Hobbs. Conspiracy to Carry, Use, Brandish, and Discharge a Firearm During and in Relation to a Crime of Violence;Attempted Carjacking; Carrying, Using Brandishing, and Discharging a Firearm During and in Relation to a Crime of Violence. (21-CR-233) On May 8, 2021, at 10:29 pm, two men later identified as Hobbs and Blount approached a man who was attempting to hook up his vehicle and trailer. The victim stated that one of the defendants pointed a shotgun at him and the other pointed a rifle at him. According to court documents, the two ordered the victim to get out of his vehicle, and when the victim refused, both men allegedly shot him. The two then fled west in a dark colored SUV, leaving the victim and his vehicle behind. The victim was transported to St. Francis Hospital for non-life threatening injuries. The FBI, Tulsa Police Department, and U.S. Marshals Service are the investigative agencies.

Eric Tyrone Bradford. First Degree Murder in Indian Country; Causing Death by Using and Discharging a Firearm During and in Relation to Crimes of Violence. (21-CR-234) Bradford, 44, is charged with shooting and killing Daniel Watashe on April 30, 2016. He is further charged with using and  discharging a firearm during and in relation to crimes of violence- First Degree Murder and Second Degree Murder in Indian country. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Travas Ramon Estrada. Assault of an Intimate/Dating Partner by Strangling and Suffocating in Indian Country; Assault Resulting in Substantial Bodily Injury to an Intimate/Dating Partner in Indian Country; Kidnapping in Indian Country. (21-CR-219) Estrada, 44, of Tulsa, is charged with strangling and suffocating his intimate partner on April 24, 2020. He is also charged with assaulting the woman repeatedly by striking her in the head and throwing her against the wall, which resulted in substantial bodily injury. Finally, the defendant is charged with kidnapping the victim between April 24, 2020, and April 29, 2020. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Jock O’Dell Gray. Assault with a Dangerous Weapon with Intent to do Bodily Harm in Indian Country. (21-CR-235) Gray, 41, of Jay, is charged with assaulting a female victim with a machete on April 21, 2021. The FBI and Delaware County Sheriff’s Office are the investigative agencies.

Lee Owen Hallford. Assault With a Dangerous Weapon, with Intent to do Bodily Harm in Indian Country; Failure to Register as a Sex Offender. (superseding, 21-CR-23)Hallford, 39, of Tulsa, is charged with assaulting a male with a knife on Jan. 27, 2021. He is further charged with failing to register as a sex offender. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Weston James Hill; Rayna Shianne Parkerson. Possession of Methamphetamine with Intent to Distribute; Possession of Heroin with Intent to Distribute. (21-CR-236) Hill, 29, of Broken Arrow, and Parkerson, 23, of Coweta, are charged with knowingly possessing with intent to distribute 50 grams or more of a methamphetamine. The two are further charged with knowingly possessing with intent to distribute heroin. The Drug Enforcement Administration and Broken Arrow Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Arnold Dean Howell Jr.; Katherine Elaine Freeman. First Degree Murder in Indian Country. (superseding) (21-CR-121) Howell, 30, and Freeman, 33, are charged with aiding and abetting one another when killing Michael Mondier by stabbing him to death during the perpetration of a robbery on April 13, 2015. The FBI, Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation, Creek County Sheriff’s Office, and Sapulpa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Jeffrey Arch Jones.Aggravated Sexual Abuse of a Child in Indian Country (counts 1 and 3); Abusive Sexual Contact of a Child in Indian Country (count 2). (superseding) (21-CR-23)Jones, 31, allegedly engaged in sex acts with a minor under 12 years of age from Sept. 29, 2015 to Sept 28, 2016. He is also charged with abusive sexual contact of a second child under the age of 12 from Oct. 9, 2014, to Sept. 30, 2016. Finally, he is charged with engaging in sex acts with the second child from Oct. 9, 2014, through Sept. 30, 2016. The Broken Arrow Police Department and FBI are the investigative agencies.

Thomas Anthony Pearce. Coercion or Enticement of a Minor; Production of Child Pornography in Indian Country; Possession of Child Pornography in Indian Country; Distribution of Marijuana. (21-CR-237) According to court documents, Pearce, 53, of Glenpool, coerced a minor to engage in sexual activity from Feb. 3-Feb 8, 2021. During the same time, Pearce also coerced the minor to engage in sexually explicit conduct for the purpose of producing images. Pearce is also charged with possessing and knowingly accessing child pornography. Finally, Pearce is charged with distributing marijuana to the minor. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s Homeland Security Investigations and the Jenks Police Department conducted the investigation.

Robert Ray Sheets. Accessory After the Fact to First Degree Murder in Indian Country. (21-CR-240) Sheets, 42, of Owasso, is charged with assisting Tommy Alexander Jones and Wesley Johnston in order to hinder and prevent the offenders’ apprehension after they allegedly committed first degree murder. The crime occurred in October 2018. The FBI, Tulsa Police Department and Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office are the investigative agencies.

Gerald Smith. First Degree Burglary in Indian Country (count 1); Kidnapping in Indian Country (counts 2 and 3); Assault Resulting in Substantial Bodily Injury to an Intimate/Dating Partner in Indian Country (count 4); Robbery in Indian Country (count 5). (21-CR-225) On May 4, 2021, Smith, 27, of Tulsa, is alleged to have forcibly opened a locked sliding door at a former girlfriend’s apartment and entered without permission. He then threatened the victim and told her she needed to get him a hotel room. Due to previous violent acts, the victim went with the defendant, taking her young child with her. Once at the hotel, the woman attempted to escape with her child but was unable.  Smith then beat the woman, striking her in the head repeatedly which resulted in substantial bodily injury. Then the defendant allegedly drove off in the victim’s vehicle. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Louden Dewayne Swaim. Felon in Possession of a Firearm and Ammunition. (21-CR-238) Swaim, 35, of Bluejacket, is charged with being a felon in possession of a GForce Arms 12-gauge shotgun; Smith & Wesson .223 rifle; and 116 rounds of ammunition. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives and the Craig County Sheriff’s Office are the investigative agencies.

Aleta Necole Thomas. False Statement to a Financial Institution (counts 1-5). (21-CR-239) Thomas, 42, of Tulsa, is charged with lying to five different banks for the purpose of securing multiple loans as part of the Paycheck Protection Program, which is administered by the Small Business Administration. Some of the false businesses Thomas allegedly used to apply for the loans were Lead Us Kids Home Daycare, Coming Correction Community Ministries, Coming Correct Community Ministries II, and Lead Us Kids Daycare II. The Office of Inspector General Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System; U.S. Department of Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration, and Small Business Administration Office of Inspector General; are the investigative agencies.

Clinton Kyle Veley. Felon in Possession of a Firearm and Ammunition; Assault with a Dangerous Weapon with Intent to do Bodily Harm in Indian Country. (21-CR-220)Veley, 39, of Nowata, is charged with being a felon in possession of a Rock Island Armory M5 12-gauge pump action shotgun and ammunition. He is further charged with assaulting a man on Oct. 14, 2020, by using the shotgun to strike the victim in the face, causing severe lacerations. The FBI, Nowata Police Department and Cherokee Nation Marshal Service conducted the investigation.

Kevin White. First Degree Murder in Indian Country. (21-CR-222)White,62, is charged with the first degree murder of Donald Iwanski by repeatedly beating him with a metal pipe on Feb. 4, 1995. The FBI is the investigative agency.

Edgar Gene Willhite. Assault Resulting in Serious Bodily Injury in Indian Country. (21-CR-226) Willhite, 57, of Tulsa, is charged with assaulting a man by punching him, causing the victim to fall. The assault resulted in substantial bodily injury. The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.

Steven Dale Worcester. Conveying False and Misleading Information Concerning an Explosive Device. (21-CR-221) Worcesteris charged with conveying false and misleading information about an explosive when he made statements to a city of Tulsa bus driver that “you better get off now and call somebody because I have a bomb.” The FBI and Tulsa Police Department are the investigative agencies.


 

The Bureau of Indian Affairs is comprised of nine districts.

  • District I is located in Aberdeen, SD and covers ND, SD and NE;
  • District II is located in Muskogee, OK and covers KS, OK, and TX;
  • District III is located Phoenix, AZ and covers AZ, NV, and UT;
  • District IV is located in Albuquerque, NM and covers CO and NM;
  • District V is located in Billings, MT and covers MT and WY;
  • District VI is located in Nashville, TN and covers the entire Eastern Region;
  • District VII is located in Bloomington, MN and covers MN, IA, IL, MI, and WI;
  • District VIII is located in Vancouver, WA and covers ID, OR, WA, and AK; and
  • District IX is located in Sacramento, CA and covers the state of California.

Now that Oklahoma, in District II,  now has over five dozen Indian Casinos situated within Indian Country, there’s been a significant rise in serious crimes, such as embezzlement, money laundering and illegal drug distribution. To assist District II tribal law enforcement Special Agents with investigations, they’ve implemented over one hundred Memorandums of Understanding (MOU’s) for cross-deputations involving county, municipal and tribal law enforcement jurisdictions.

District II does not have detention facilities or staff; therefore, they’ve contracted with county jails to house their prisoners.

*Source and images – BIA, USDOI, Department of Justice 


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Andrew Grant was born in Birmingham, England in May 1968. He went to school in St Albans and later attended the University of Sheffield where he studied English Literature and Drama. After graduation Andrew set up and ran a small independent theatre company which showcased a range of original material to local, regional and national audiences. Following a critically successful but financially challenging appearance at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Andrew moved into the telecommunications industry as a ‘temporary’ solution to a short-term cash crisis. Fifteen years later, after carrying out a variety of roles – including a number which were covered by the UK Official Secrets Act – Andrew escaped from corporate life, and established himself as a critically-acclaimed author. He published nine novels under his own name, and in 2020 began a collaboration – writing as Andrew Child – with his brother Lee, to continue the internationally-bestselling Jack Reacher series. He is married to novelist Tasha Alexander, and lives on a wildlife preserve in Wyoming, USA.