Men and women become police officers for a variety of reasons—to help their communities, the love of their country, to serve their fellow man and, well, sometimes there are other reasons, such as …
1. There’s a unique enjoyment associated with being cursed at, spit on, and punched, kicked, and pummeled by grown men and women, and by smart-alecky kids who believe their purpose in life is to “buck” the system.
2. The lifelong dream to drive around in a car that members of the general public have used as a receptacle for their body fluids…all of them.
3. Finally having the question answered about those cool TV gunshot ricochet noises. Are they realistic, or not? They’re not, by the way.
4. Never having to be home on holidays. Or for birthday parties, baby’s first steps and words, and for their kid’s first solo bike ride.
5. The love of those quick “on the run” meals of greasy fast food between working an automobile crash and a gruesome homicide.
6. The warm and fuzzy feeling that comes with working long hours for low pay.
7. Bleeding is cool!
8. Who isn’t their happiest when worrying about things like living another day.
9. Polyester uniforms, heavy gun belts and vests, goofy hats, and clunky shoes are so comfortable … and stylish.
10. It’s always a pleasure knowing that the largest, meanest, nastiest, smelliest, strongest, sweatiest man in the bar is guy they’ll have to arrest, by themselves, while everyone else, per the mayor’s order, is busy providing security for a visiting politician or celebrity.
11. It’s fun having practically everyone in the entire world telling you how to do your job and that they play golf with your boss. Oh, and the pleasant workplace conversations and hearing these kind words, every single day of your life:
- “I know my rights!”
- “I’ll have your badge!”
- “Take off that badge and I’ll kick your a**!”
- “I’ll bet your not so d*** tough when you’re not wearing that uniform!”
- “Arrest me? You and who else?”
- “Shoot me, mother******!”
- “I know where you live.”
- “I thought you were my friend.”
- “A monkey could do your job.”
- “Why don’t you go somewhere and arrest a real criminal?”
- “Stop harassing me! I’m just selling a little dope.”
- “I pay your salary!”
- “I know the law.”
- “My uncle is a lawyer. Wait until I call him. You’ll be sorry.”
- “You’d best go for your gun ’cause I ain’t going to jail.”
- “I’m not going with you and don’t put your hands on me.”
- “$&@# You!”
12. There’s nothing better than telling a mother that her child was just killed in an automobile crash.
13. Knife fights are fun!
14. Seeing mangled and mutilated human bodies has been at the top of their bucket list since childhood.
15. Pinning a badge to your chest is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
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