Okay, I’m Going There: Bathroom Breaks – Where Do Officers Go?

Sure, duty calls, but so does nature. And sometimes nature calls quite loudly.

In those times of great despair, it is imperative that an officer find the proper location to meet the need, especially in these dangerous times where ambushes are, sadly, a very real possibility.

So how do cops handle those “immediate needs?”

Well, deputy sheriffs are most often found patrolling rural areas; therefore …

… to “water the cacti alongside Route 66” is more often the norm than not.

Of course, if the deputy, especially a female deputy, is able to hold on until they reach the lobby of the Hotel California, well, I hear the restrooms there are nice, and they have real towels available instead of those hot blowy things mounted to the wall.

Sometimes, when stopping at hotels for “the break” hotel staff will offer a free cup of coffee and maybe a freshly-baked (microwave) cookie, if you’re lucky. But yes, roadside watering is a regular thing for those who wear the star. It’s as much a part of the job as arresting drunks and … hmm … those who urinate in public. Well, that’s awkward.

• Go home! Yes, deputy sheriffs are fortunate because they often have the option of using the restroom in the comfort of their own homes, or the homes of family and friends.

Officers working in urban areas have to be a bit more creative. Sure, there’s always the backside of a dumpster that needs checking, or …

• the firehouse
• the police department
• all-night diners
• truck stops
• construction site porta-johns (while your partner stands guard at the door, of course)

Keep in mind, though, that bathroom concerns are:

1. Ambush while your gun and other tools are not at your side (you have to remove the gear from around your waist—all of it).
2. While standing in a stall, you are typically facing away from the door.
3. While sitting in a stall you must do something with your gun belt. Hanging it on the wall or door hook makes it practically impossible to access your gun. However, it would be easy for someone to reach over the wall/door to steal the entire belt leaving you with your pants down around your ankles. And there would be nothing worse for the ego than having to chase after guy who’s stolen your gun belt, especially while your pants are dragging the ground and your bare hind parts are jiggling and wiggling around for all the world to see. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight. And you’d never live down the exposure of your strategically placed butterfly, Disney Princess, and I “Heart” Mom tattoos.

And, then there are the female officers and their bathroom needs.

Watering the desert cacti is typically not an option for female officers, with the exceptions of extreme and dire emergencies. Neither are peeing in alleys and behind dumpsters.

Gun belt placement while tending to personal needs is always a concern for female officers, and truck stops and other places of similar … well, let’s just say they’re often less than “female-friendly.” Not to mention the grunge factor.

So what are the options for female officers?

• police department restrooms
• home
• businesses (while your partner stands guard at the door, of course)
• fire stations
• construction site porta-johns (while your partner stands guard at the door, of course)

And … Go Pants.

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