Miley: In The Thicke Of It

Miley: In the thick of it

I’ve seen more than my fair share of horror. I’ve been to crime scenes and car crashes. I’ve seen spilled blood and viscera. But never have I witnessed anything as ghastly, unpleasant, or as sickening as the train wreck that Miley Cyrus dished out on the VMA awards show.

You may wonder why I, the cops and robbers guy, am addressing an MTV performance by Cyrus, but the answer is simple…I was assaulted, and assault is a still a crime, right? Yes, Miley Cyrus’s over-emphasized gyrations and tongue waggings and wigglings are something I can never un-see. I’ve been harmed by another person and I may never recover.

The overdose of Cyrus’s near skin and bones and somewhat freakish and boyish look, and her appalling gestures were so bad that my brain is threatening to pack its bags and leave home, and it assures me that it’s taking my eyes with it. They’ve each indicated the desire for a transfer to a safer location.

I try to remain current with today’s trends. Well, I at least like to know what’s going on in the world around me, even if I don’t like what I see and hear. But there isn’t enough water in the entire Atlantic Ocean to wash and scrub away the sense of “ick” I felt after seeing this garbage. In fact, I didn’t watch the entire performance. I couldn’t. I opted out just after Cyrus’s X-rated solo session with a foam finger.

More important than the irreparable damage to my psyche, is to warn readers of The Graveyard Shift of things that could be harmful to them and to their children. Well, believe me when I say that there should be a huge warning label tattooed on Miley Cyrus’s forehead that reads…“Warning, the surgeon general of the U.S. has deemed Miley Cyrus to be extremely harmful to all teens of that impressionable age.” And, Ms. Cyrus’s CD’s, posters, and videos should be kept out of the reach of young minds.

Of course, I’m still up in the air about which was the worst, the foam finger solo session, or when Cyrus, practically in nothing but her unmentionables, went through the motions of several sexual acts with singer Robin Thicke.

Thicke bothered me too. He showed up to the Cyrus hoochie-mama show dressed in his best Beetlejuice-go-to-preachin’ outfit, joining little Miley onstage where he participated in the assault on my poor brain. My eyes, bless their little hearts, didn’t have the smarts to turn away from the video.

Well on his way to 40-years-old, Thicke is married with children. I can’t imagine that his wife appreciated seeing her husband like this, with any female, much less a 20-year-old bizarre woman-child (I wonder if Cyrus is what Bradley “Chelsea” Manning sees in his mind as what he’ll look like after his transfer to the female gender).

How could Robin Thicke possibly explain his actions to his young children? “It’s okay, kids, Daddy was just playing horsy with Hannah Montana’s trashy big sister.”

Speaking of kids and their siblings, I’m pretty sure the ghosts of the entire cast and crew of the Captain Kangaroo show are more than likely already on their way to Cyrus’s house to begin some serious haunting. Dancing Bear is most likely the first in line to grab the chains and bedsheets, and has been practicing his best “BOO’s,” since it was his reputation that was most harmed.

Cast of the Captain Kangaroo Show. Dancing Bear is pictured on the far left. Then there’s Bunny Rabbit, the Captain, Mr. Moose, and Mr. Green Jeans.

In fact, there’s a rumor floating around that a few of Dancing Bear’s grandchildren were on stage with Cyrus as backup dancers, and he’s not happy about it. I don’t blame him.

There was so much packed into the Cyrus and Thicke mess, that it’s difficult to pinpoint the most troubling parts.  Now, you tell me, was this something young kids should be watching? Oh, and I haven’t talked about the lyrics and the references to doing drugs at parties.

MTV bleeped the reference to using ecstasy, but not the image of Hannah Montana with her face buried between the buttocks of a seven-foot-tall black woman, an act that many are calling extremely racist. Well, I’m not sure if there was racial intent, but I do know that it was scene that’s not meant for children, or for my poor pitiful eyes and brain.

I think I’ll watch a bit of the real Dancing Bear to help cleanse my mind of the filth. No “twerking,” no foam fingers, and no gold, rubber underwear. Ah, the good old days…

16 replies
  1. SZ
    SZ says:

    She may be hoping to follow in the wild Madonna / Michael Jackson faze, albeit in deplorable fashion. And then the VMA who saw the rehearsals did not stop this sad state of affairs, making us look preposterous.

  2. maegan
    maegan says:

    I’ll admit that the dust-up over this whole mess made me curious. I youtubed the performance and made it through exactly 1 minute and 16 seconds before I had to turn it off. Assaulted indeed!
    At dinner tonight, my kids and I talked about it and my 10-year-old asked me, “What’s wrong with her? She used to be normal?”
    I said, “This is what happens when kids live in a world where no one ever tells them no.”

  3. Larkin
    Larkin says:

    I didn’t see the show you’re talking about, and neither did the kids in my house.

    But I take HUGE exception to the smug and hateful argument that “if you don’t like it, turn off your TV.”

    Right. So I don’t see it and my kids don’t see it.

    But when they leave this house they go out into a world that DID see it, with boys and girls who think that because it was on TV is was OK, and because “stars” did it, it was even kool. They will go to school with these unfortunate children, could be influenced or attacked by them. The contaminated kids become whores and rapists and bullies. They might not spend their lives on welfare or turning tricks or selling drugs. They might become school bus drivers, or administrators, or mayors of San Diego. But they’ll still be people with mindsets that find no problem with performances such as the ones you reference.

    They will grow up to make the argument that “if you don’t like it, just turn off your TV and shut the hell up.”

    That “if you don’t like it turn it off” argument is made by drones who like garbage and don’t want to have it taken away from them. Humans capable of thought don’t buy that argument for a nanosecond, and they don’t put up with it for much longer than that.

  4. Lee Lofland
    Lee Lofland says:

    Erin – That’s exactly why I said (above) that I thought Thicke was totally wrong for participating in this freak show. And what made it even worse is that he’s 16 years older than Cyrus. To me, he came off as a creepy old pervert/pimp in a cheap suit who preys on and abuses young girls.

  5. Lee Lofland
    Lee Lofland says:

    Leslie – This article was about Miley Cyrus and her performance with Robin Thicke, not about rappers.

    As far as Miley’s outfit…sure, she was covered. But it’s what she did while wearing it that was troubling and not for the eyes of young children.

    As far as telling me to change the channel when I see something I don’t like, well, that’s exactly what I did and said so in the article. Actually, I clicked on the video in a news article and stopped it a couple of minutes into it.

  6. Erin O'Riordan
    Erin O'Riordan says:

    CLEARLY the most disturbing thing about this whole performance is Robin Thicke’s creepy “no doesn’t really mean no” song that’s basically an excuse for date rape. I’d be less concerned with the impression Miley’s antics make on young minds and more concerned with teaching young people of both sexes the lesson that no does mean no, to respect other people’s bodies and personal space, to gain clear and enthusiastic concept for all intimate acts, and to respect one’s own body. These are not lessons that our culture values, alas, but they could make the world a much happier place if they become an important cultural value. Sadly, our culture seems to be more hung up on shaming the female body and giving males a free pass for the same acts women get berated for.

  7. Lesley
    Lesley says:

    I’m with Susan. What I find really interesting (twerking aside–I mean, really it’s not sexy or enticing at all) but how people are all outraged at Miley’s outfit when she was wearing more than the average young woman on a beach. You didn’t like the act, fine, so change the channel. Go out to the kitchen and grab a beer. Now, how about a discussion about the rappers who refer to women as b*****s, and espouse violence and abuse?

  8. Susan Reynolds
    Susan Reynolds says:

    Sorry for the typos above. I meant Thicke and his wife say the video with all naked women strutting around while 3 men ogle them and degrade them is not misogynistic. Also, yes we are talking about Miley, but the consensus will hopefully give her (and her advisors, whoever they are) will pause. If she has any true talent, it’s time to focus on THAT, not on being increasingly lewd. I’m only interested in this topic if it brings a conversation forward that reverses the backward trend, for the sake of our entire culture and young women. Enough!

  9. Susan Reynolds
    Susan Reynolds says:

    What’s disturbing to me is that young women have so little self-esteem. Whether she’s motivated by money and fame or simply incredibly dim and immature, Miley Cyrus was only the latest evidence that we’re going backwards. The Robin Thicke video with the naked women was repulsive, yet both he and his wife continue defending it, saying it is misogynistic, when it so clearly is. The more our society pays any attention to celebrity twits, the lower our intelligence declines. But please, young women, I beg you, value yourselves enough to know when what you are saying, doing, singing about, or doing on a vast public stage has to potential to degrade all women and turn us backwards rather than forwards.

  10. Janis Patterson
    Janis Patterson says:

    Great blog, Lee. I didn’t watch the show, but saw enough in a news clip to be glad I hadn’t. Every time something like this comes up, every time there’s something so crude and vulgar that it offends common morality, I think “Surely things can’t get any worse than this!” – and every time I am proved wrong. What has happened to decency and morality?

  11. C.J.
    C.J. says:

    “are all the men pretending to be outraged by her actions so high and mighty that they have never been in as strip club or fantasized about strippers?”

    Wow – do we detect a little bitterness there?

    In spite of your opinionated blanket statement, some of us out here are still good guys. Glad you’re not the judge of that.

  12. Lee Lofland
    Lee Lofland says:

    I blame Miley’s parents, Miley, the people who’re encouraging her, and those who support this stuff by buying “throwing cash” her way. And I blame the parents who allow their young children to watch and listen to things they shouldn’t be exposed to as kids.

    Obviously, I’m one of the men who thought this performance was awful and crude. However, if Miley Cyrus, or any other woman, wants to dance and behave like this, then more power to them. It’s their right to do so. Just don’t do it where young kids are exposed to it. Like on MTV, traditionally a kids network.

    What Cyrus did on stage the other night belonged in an adult setting (like the the strip clubs you mentioned), not on a show geared for kids. Sure Miley is immature, and it shows, but she’s 20. She’s an adult. She’s older than many of the men and women who’re fighting wars, dying for our country. She’s older than some married couples with families. She’s old enough to know better than to expose kids to things that are harmful to them.

    How do you think those creepy men who hang out in strip clubs first got the idea to fantasize about women? It certainly wasn’t from doing homework and playing baseball.

    Miley’s actions (Gaga’s and Madonna’s as well) are all fuel for the male pervert fire, and they show young girls that it’s okay to do the things they do.

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