What to Expect at the 2016 Writers’ Police Academy … sort of


Many of you have sent questions regarding what to expect at the 2016 Writers’ Police Academy. I hope the following addresses at least most of your concerns and will also alleviate any anxiety you may be experiencing at attending THE most exciting event (on this planet) for writers.

Here goes:

  1. Wear comfortable clothing (see top photo for one example of what NOT to wear). After all, it is nearly impossible to duck live ammunition, crawl under loops of barbed wire, and defend yourself against twelve knife-wielding attackers while wearing heels and a skintight sequined ball gown.
  2. Bring only the things you need to the academy grounds. It’s tough to kick in doors and fight fires with a mini-fridge, desktop computer, and your three small kids strapped around your midsection.
  3. Speaking of kids, there are no childcare options at the WPA. We only have room in the timeout corner for misbehaving adults (those of you who insist upon breaking our ABSOLUTELY NO VIDEO rule).
  4. Camping is not allowed at the academy. Why not? Because we need the open spaces for helicopter landings and for hiding explosives. Yeah, you might not want to stray away from the group. I’m just saying.
  5. Please bring a photo ID and keep it with you at all times while at the police academy. Police officers are used to arresting people who have several aliases, so it’s best for them to know upfront who you really are instead of thumbing through a list of pen names and “writing as” monikers. Book covers/dust jackets do not count as official ID.
  6. When participating in the emergency driving workshops, please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times. And no mooning your fellow recruits as your car passes by them while spinning wildly out of control.
  7. If you plan to drive to the academy, please remain inside your cars until the buses arrive and your fellow recruits begin to exit. There’s a very good reason for this rule and I think it has something to do with the armed tower guards who’re trained to pick off anyone moving around outside the academy.
  8. Thursday night orientation is where and when we provide details about the event—where to go, when to go there, what to expect when you arrive, receive your instructions regarding what to do and say if captured, and …
  9. The hotel bars and casino are well-stocked with alcohol, so pace yourselves. They will not run out of your favorite beverage. Keep in mind, too, that the next morning will indeed arrive and it will include lots of loud gunfire, sirens, and barking, snarling police dogs.
  10. We are currently seeking volunteers for the following:
  • someone to wear a Kevlar vest in the class that demonstrates how well those vests and trauma plates stand up to gunfire.
  • someone who’s willing to run away from a snarling police K-9 who’s hellbent on biting someone.
  • someone to be on the receiving end of multiple TASER deployments.

If we don’t get enough volunteers for these assignments we’ll simply pick people at random, without prior notice.

11. Those of you who’re scheduled to tour the prison. Good luck. We’ll see you back at the hotel … maybe.

12. Brings lots of smiles and be prepared to have the time of your lives. We’ve always presented a thrilling and action-packed event, but the 2016 Writers’ Police Academy is absolutely a heart-pounder. My goodness we’ve outdone ourselves, from a stunning hotel experience complete with an in-house casino and delicious meals, to an international police academy that trains elite law enforcement professionals from all over the world. We feature top experts and instructors, modern equipment, and the best attendees of any event anywhere!

You guys are indeed the best and you deserve first-class all the way, which is why we do what we do. The WPA is all about YOU!

*The WPA event hotel is completely sold out. However, we, along with the hotel staff, are working toward securing a nearby spillover/overflow hotel. We should have those details later today.