Madam Zelda’s Predictions for 2022, the CDC Edition

Each year, as the final days of December reach their end, I travel to a secret location where I meet with my friend Madam Zelda to learn her predictions for the coming year. The mysterious clairvoyant is so good at what she does that she’s rarely, if ever, wrong. The woman is uncanny.

So, in keeping with year-end tradition, Madam Zelda did a reading for us. However, this time her crystal ball showed only predictions relating to the CDC. Here’s a list of those top 20 prognoses. Believe me, she’s always right … sometimes.

1. The CDC will announce a new COVID recommendation.
2. The CDC will backtrack on their latest COVID recommendation.
3. The CDC will recommend a new COVID recommendation.
4. The CDC will backtrack on their latest COVID recommendation.
5. The CDC will recommend that the Karate Kid movie franchise replace the saying “Wax on, Wax Off” with “Mask On, Mask Off.”
6. The CDC will recommend to not run with scissors because it causes your parents to say, “Do I look like I’m made of money?”
7. The CDC will recommend to eat an apple a day to keep Dr. Fauci away.
8. The CDC will recommend to take two aspirin because only you can prevent forest fires.
9. The CDC will recommend to “feed a mole, starve a beaver.” Or something like that.
10. The CDC will recommend to not hang out with turkeys on Thanksgiving. They believe, for some reason, that turkeys make you tired.
11. The CDC will recommend that eating carrots will prevent you from going blind from sitting too close to the TV.
12. The CDC will recommend that you go swimming within an hour after eating spicy foods to prevent getting ulcers caused by eating spicy foods.
13. The CDC will recommend to not swallow watermelon seeds while pregnant since doing so causes hairy babies.
14. The CDC will recommend to not drink straight from the milk jug because doing so will cause you to play with matches.
15. The CDC will recommend that you not go outside with wet hair because doing so causes warts.
16. The CDC will recommend that you “stop, drop, and roll” before reading a book.
17. The CDC will announce that you can tune a piano but you can’t eat tuna fish in front of others unless you’re prepared to share.
18. The CDC will announce that you should always wear a mask while attempting to tune a fish.
19. The CDC will announce that chewing with your mouth open will cause you to have on dirty underwear when involved in a traffic crash.
20. The CDC will recommend that you don’t put your foot in your mouth because you know where it’s been.

And, at the last second, this message unexpectedly popped up on the Madam’s crystal ball. “Everyone must attend the LIVE 2022 Writers’ Police Academy on June 2-5, 2022, featuring Robert Dugoni and exciting hands-on classes. Oh, and tell them the 2022 WPA website and class schedule will be live in a couple of days, and that registration opens in February. OMG, this event is at the top of the “THRILLING” scale!

www.writerspoliceacademy.com