Cops: Did That Just Happen…Really?
Every police officer has that special funny story they like to tell—arresting the guy in the clown suit, pepperspraying the toilet seat before their partner “has a seat,” stopping a car and discovering a naked passenger handcuffed to the door (this is one of my real-life stories)…well, you get the idea. There are thousands of tales to tell because the public never lets you down. Here are a few I’ve run across. Anyone else have one to share?
1. Police in Kansas engaged in pursuit of a woman driving pickup truck. When the driver finally stopped, she was driving on three rims and one good tire. The distraught woman told the officers she “ran” because she was simply too embarrassed to stop for their blue lights. Why? Because she’d had a fight with her boyfriend and ran out of the house wearing only a shirt—no pants. Sure enough, the woman truly was em-bare-assed.
2. A Boston woman was arrested for mailing explosive-filled condoms to various places because she’d grown tired of being mistreated by men. Understandable, because the suspect worked as a waitress in a strip club…you know, one of those places where women are highly respected. I’m not saying she deserved the poor treatment. No one does. But exploding condoms???
3. A woman in Ohio was arrested for driving with a suspended license. As a result, she was brought to the police department and placed in a holding cell where she promptly had a seat on the bench. Well, when she sat down her fellow cellmates heard a loud BOOM. Upon investigation, jail officers learned that the woman had hidden a .25 caliber pistol in a very “private area” and sitting on the bench had apparently caused the weapon to fire. I wonder if jails employ on-call gynecologists?
4. A Phoenix SWAT officer’s police vehicle was stolen. Certainly it’s bad enough to have your police car stolen, but this one was packed full of weapons and other tactical gear. By the way, it’s not unusual for thieves to take marked police vehicles. And it’s sometimes difficult to catch the crooks when they do, because they, unlike their counterparts, have the luxury of listening to a police radio while making their escape.
5. A city councilman suspected a police officer of having an affair with his girlfriend so he retaliated in the best way he knew how, by egging the cop’s patrol car. The councilman was charged with 2nd degree criminal tampering. Personally, I think he should be glad they caught him before he became a “hard-boiled” criminal.
6. Two patrol officers saw a small container of baby powder sitting on a young detective’s desk. Since the detective and his wife were the new parents of a baby boy, the cops thought it would be a great joke to fill the vents in the detective’s car with the powder. You know, so that when the car was switched on the white powder would fly all over the interior of the car and on the detective. Well, it seems the detective had just busted a guy for possession of a large amount of cocaine, cocaine that he’d hidden in a small baby powder container. I guess that’s why they call it “blow.” Oops…
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Want real-life stories of your own? Want to drive a patrol car or an ambulance? Ever wanted to pepper spray someone? Are you curious about cyber crimes? Bio-terrorism? Serial killers? Want to see and use real-life CSI tools and equipment? Have you wondered what it’s like to be in a gun battle? Then you’ll certainly want to attend the 2011 Writers’ Police Academy.
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Current favorite was a couple of months back. A rejected suitor sent the young lady a ‘personal massager’ packed with explosive. His thinking was when she switched it on to use it, well… it would re-define the “Big Bang Theory”.
Lee, I’m sure you know the old saying, “You just CANNOT make this shi* up!”
Your comment made me laugh out loud, Jonathan.
SZ – I don’t know, but I’m sure she won’t try that one again anytime soon.
Perhaps the .25 was defense against exploding condoms.
From a male perspective, a shrinking condom might be worse.
Or a pepper-sprayed one…
Pepper spray on the toilet seat ? Too funny. Guessing that must itch like mad !
3} Do you know if she is ok ? Ouch