Common Core Math v. Common Whore Math

Common core math v. whore math

You’ve all heard the bellyaching about Common Core Math and how difficult it is to understand, especially for parents who try to help their kids with homework assignments. After all, it’s pretty senseless to turn a speedy and basic 2+2=4 problem into a series of spinning tornadoes, dashes, dots, boxes, arrows, circles, and/or clouds that somehow, after a minute or so of stomach-knotting scribbling and wrinkled brows, strays miles from the original problem and often results in an incorrect answer (answer-accuracy, for some unearthly reason, is not entirely the goal of this twisted process).

The basic grade-school problem above—9+6—is fairly simple to solve, right? Well, it used to be. Let’s follow the “new” method of solving this basic math problem and see if you still agree that 9+6 is an easy-to-solve math problem.

Step 1

Forget the original problem.

Step 2

Transform the original and easy equation into a difficult different math problem. To do so we must break down the “6” into two parts.

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One of those two parts of the 6, when added to the 9, must equal 10 (9+1=10). This is assuming the problem-solvers already possess the knowledge that 9+1=10.

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Of course, there’s probably a series of spinning tornadoes and right and left arrows that lead us to the number 10 starting point.

Step 3

We know these two numbers (1 and 5) are correct because when we add the 1 to 9 we get 10. With me so far?

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 Step 4

Now that we’ve dissected the “6” into two parts and added one of the those two parts to the 9 we saw in the original equation (yes, we’re already deep into solving multiple problems at this point), we can add the sum of the last problem (10) to the remainder of the dissected 6, which is 5.

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Step 5

The answer to 10+5, of course, is 15 and, thankfully, 15 is the correct answer to the original problem of 9+6.

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You now posses the valuable knowledge and skills to solve 9+6 using the easy-peasy common core method. However, 10+5 is an entirely different problem than the one we originally set out to solve, right? So, here we go again…

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I say we convert to the “Common Whore Math” method of problem solving, where prostitutes automatically know that 9 arrests for having illegal paid sex with 6 johns results in 15 months in jail.

9+6=15

Problem solved.

*By the way, Common Whore Math also works well for thieves, robbers, and murderers. 

*This post is intended as a tongue-in-cheek piece. It was certainly not my intention to offend anyone, especially those wonderful people who serve as educators in our learning institutions. I say I especially meant no ill will toward teachers because I’m married to a professor at a medical university, a few of my in-laws are longtime teachers, and I, many, many years ago, taught business math at a high school. Believe me, I understand what teachers go through to do their jobs. Actually, becoming a police officer was a safer career choice for me. So no, in no way did I mean to offend anyone by posting this piece. Sorry if it did.