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Definition of sadness: Sitting in a dimly lit hospice room, holding your sick child’s hand while watching the bright red second hand of a wall clock spin round and round and round as it tick-tocks her life away.
And there’s not a d%#* thing you can do to stop it.

If you’d like to contribute to Ellen’s fundraiser, you can do so by clicking the link below. They need all the help they can get to help with staggering medical bills, and for the inevitable expense that will present itself within the very near future.

Due to a a couple of serious illnesses in our family, I will be taking a break from the blog for a few days and maybe slightly longer. I’ve tried to write something for the past couple of days but my mind wanders back to our loved ones, Denene’s mother and Ellen, our daughter.

As many of you know, they were each diagnosed with serious cancer just weeks apart  approximately three years ago. Denene’s mom has been receiving chemo for the entire three years, along with a couple of emergency surgeries. Three weeks ago she was rushed to a Raleigh hospital where she underwent another surgery. She has been extremely ill since and has had to pause her much-needed chemo treatments.

We’d hoped to travel there to visit with her for a few days, but COVID concerns have not made it possible for us to do so. She’s ill and I take medication that greatly suppresses my immune system. Denene and I have not left our property since March, with the exception of a very brief ride in he countryside just to see civilization again.

Then the big whammy hit this week. Ellen called me one night to say she was experiencing severe abdominal pains so her husband was taking her to the ER. There or four hours later she texted a message to me that sent my heart to the floor. Her cancer had returned and it was far worse than before.

I Am Crushed. Numb. Heartbroken. Devastated. And Helpless.

So please forgive me for neglecting this blog, MurderCon, responses to emails, etc. I need time to process, to hold back tears and even to shed a few, and to pray for our daughter and my mother-in law. My thoughts are scattered and bounce around inside my head like rubber balls. Emotions are all over the place.

It’s not been a good year for any of us, and I feel quite selfish for just days ago hoping to see enough Virtual MurderCon registrations to save the event from sinking lower than the Titanic. Right now, well, my mind is on the pain I heard in my daughter’s voice when I spoke with her by phone this afternoon.

Ellen had beaten the odds before, after enduring emergency life-saving surgeries and chemo and radiation, sickness, hair loss, extreme pain, memory loss, and more, and then their home was totally destroyed by fire not long after she rang the bell celebrating her last chemo treatment. They lost everything they owned, but thanks to many of you they pulled themselves together and found and fixed up a small home. Then, Ellen’s husband lost his job due to COVID restrictions.

Your generosity and kindness has much appreciated and needed.

Tyler, our grandson, is scheduled to head to college in three weeks, a few days after his mom sits to receive the first of many aggressive chemo treatments, and radiation. It’s tough enough to start college without having such a huge weight resting on his shoulders. He’s a remarkable young man who, during all the hardships he faced, continued to maintain his grades and compete as a champion wrestler who earned his pick of scholarships at colleges around the country.

Anyway, this where I am right now, wandering around aimlessly and unable to concentrate. I humbly ask that you please stick with me. I’ll return here as often as I’m able.

In the meantime, kind thoughts, prayers, and well-wishes are appreciated.

Thank you,

Lee

It seems like just yesterday when they were last here,

Sharing their laughter and their love,

Playing silly games and offering warm hugs.

 

Telling bedtime stories,

Of giants and beanstalks,

Jack Horner and Miss Muffett too.

 

Family meals,

School plays,

And summertime fun.

 

The beach,

The boardwalk,

Taffy and arcades.

 

A milkshake and french fries,

Special times,

Fun times.

 

It seems like just yesterday when my mother held me in her arms,

While an aunt made goofy faces,

And funny sounds.

 

Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins,

Ah, yes, the cousins,

All sizes, all shapes.

 

Boys and girls alike,

Playing in the old barn,

Cowboys and cowgirls.

 

Pretend horses, and sticks for guns and bats,

Toy trucks and wagons,

A ride.

 

With me in the middle,

An uncle pulling,

And another to the rear.

 

Such joy,

When sometimes doing things,

Things we knew we shouldn’t.

 

Yes, we were carefree,

And worried not,

Life was forever.

 

Fireflies,

Hide-and-seek,

And freeze tag.

 

Seasons came and seasons went,

Holidays too,

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and each new year.

 

Sleigh bells,

Santa,

The tree, the lights, and the angel perched high above.

 

Turkeys and hams and holiday treats,

Presents and eggnog,

Joy and comfort.

 

But it’s mostly quiet now,

As I often sit, lost in thought,

They’re gone now.

 

My grandparents,

My parents, uncles, and aunts.

The givers of hugs, love, and much-cherished treats.

 

Times change,

Wrinkles come,

And memories fade.

 

Falling leaves,

Long, cold nights,

And sad, lonely hearts.

 

It’s almost Christmas,

And it seems like just yesterday,

But they’re no longer here.