Tag Archive for: bad guys

Crooks say the darndest things, especially when operating their mouth parts while under the influence of alcohol, coke, and/or meth.

Here are some (only a few) of the things the little darlings said to me over the years. Use your imaginations to determine my response(s).

1. “Pepper spray me. Go ahead, I dare you. Spray me. That hot stuff don’t bother me.”

Okay, you asked for it …

2. “I’ll kill your family.”

3. “I know where you live.”

4. “You think you’re man enough? Well, you’re not. And your backup’s not so tough either. Bring it on …”

Sharp-dressed cops

5. “I’m not getting out of my car, and you can’t make me.”

6. “I’ve got a gun.”

7. “You’re not big enough or man enough to put me in that police car.”

8. “Don’t put your hands on me.”

9. “You won’t live long enough to put those handcuffs on me.”

10. As he rips off his shirt and flexes, while backing up … “You don’t want none of this.”

Why is it that even the smallest of the small think they’re toughest of all when they’re intoxicated?

11. “If I ever catch you out of uniform …”

12. “Does your dog bite?”

13. “If you think that fancy nightstick will stop me, think aga … OUCH!”

14. “Yeah, what are you going to do if you catch me?”

15. “You’re going to have to come in and get me.”

16. “I’m not scared of you or your police dog. I don’t care if it is a rottweiler.”

Police K-9

17. “You can’t arrest me. I play golf with your boss.”

18. “You can’t prove none of that.”

19. “I’m glad you’re the one who caught me. We’re friends, right? Want a chicken?”

20. While working undercover narcotics. “You have to tell the truth when I ask if you’re a cop, right?”

21. If you think my dog will let you take me out of this house, well, think again, Barney Fife. Sic ’em, Blue!”

Finally …

The list, my friends, is endless. As is the stupidity.


MURDERCON

REGISTRATION IS OPEN!

Seats at this unique event for writers are LIMITED!

2021 MurderCon takes writers behind the scenes, into actual murder cases where you’ll learn intricate crime-solving details, including the nitty-gritty about the instruments of death used by killers, such as poisons, a favorite means seen in countless numbers of books.

To help gather “poisonous” fodder for your next book, JOHN HARRIS TRESTRAIL, the renowned Forensic Toxicologist who’s known as worldwide as The Poison Detective, is scheduled to present “Forensic Toxicology: Poisoners Throughout History. This thought-provoking session is an entertaining and educational discussion of the history of homicidal poisoning from the days of early man, down to the present, with case discussions of real poisoners drawn from criminal history. Also discussed will be the psychology of the poisoner, and poisons used by writers in their fictional works.”

Other MurderCon classes include forensic botany, entomology, cold cases, case studies of the FBI, and much more.

I strongly urge you to take advantage of this rare opportunity to learn details not typically available for non-law enforcement.

www.writerspoliceacademy.com

Cops truly see and experience the odd, weird, and often dark side of society, and this experience is not limited to dealing with criminals and all the lovely things bad guys offer their communities. For example:

  • The preacher who killed his lover, a woman married to another man. The reverend shot her dead because because she was sleeping with another man, a fellow who was also not her husband. During the fit of jealous rage the murdering minister also killed the “other man.”
  • While checking what was thought to be an abandoned vehicle parked at the end of a deserted, cracked asphalt stretch of dead-end country road, a deputy was surprised when he discovered a local government mental health professional inside the car engaged in frantic sexual activity with a young girl under the age of 17. One of the official duties of the professional person was to counsel victims of sexual abuse.
  • A 911 call from an area by-the-hour motel led law enforcement officers to a room rented by a known prostitute. She dialed the police when her “client” began to get a bit too rough for her liking. The client was a prominent business leader who also taught Sunday School at his church.
  • A probation officer was shot to death when he was caught having sex with a probationer’s girlfriend. The recently released offender arrived home early from work, discovered the pair in bed, and then quickly grabbed a gun and proceeded to fire rounds at the man who was in charge of his supervised release. Well, the shooter’s aim was pretty good because he shot the nude man in the back as he climbed out of the couple’s bedroom window with his clothing in hand.

The probation officer managed to stumble a few steps before collapsing onto the sidewalk. When police arrived they found the probation officer’s naked body curled in a fetal position. Lying next to him were his clothing, including the shiny badge that was still attached to his belt.

  • While working graveyard shift, an officer parked his patrol car on a side street where he began to complete a bit of paperwork. While there he witnessed a state law enforcement agent park his government vehicle in a dark area of a neighborhood. The agent opened the car door and shut is slowly and quietly and then trotted to the side door of a house. The door opened and a woman let him inside. The woman was the wife of a corrections officer who worked night shift at a prison. The agent’s wife who was most likely at home asleep, had no idea that her husband was cheating with one of her friends.
  • While running radar late at night on a lonely stretch of highway, an officer stopped a car that was swerving from side to side. When the officer had a look inside the vehicle he saw that the male driver wore a corrections uniform.  His passenger, a totally nude (male), was handcuffed to the car door. His corrections uniform was on the backseat in a crumpled pile. The pair of COs said they were merely out for a late night, relaxing drive to unwind after finishing their shift at the prison.

In light of the current state of affairs, it’s become apparent that we’ve not given criminals the appropriate credit for their ingenuity, forethought, instinct, and an incredible amount of insight. Here’s why I say this.

  • We’re now wearing masks when we enter businesses. Robbers and other crooks have worn masks since, well, forever.
  • We wear gloves when out in public. Bad guys have utilized this method of protection for a long, long time.
  • We stand no closer than six feet from other humans. Criminals have long preferred to keep their distances, especially from police officers. In fact, when cops approach a crook the suspect often uses the quickness of their feet to enhance the recommended social distance.
  • We’re told to not cough or sneeze around others to avoid contamination. Bad guys use every means possible to prevent the distribution of  body fluids and other sources of DNA, and they’ve done so for many years.

The CDC published a checklist of things we should do to protect ourselves against contracting serious illness. Crooks developed a similar guideline and have used it since before Jesse James was knee-high to a grasshopper.

For example:

  1. Practice everyday preventive actions now. This is a no-brainer to a crooks—hide from the police, hide the drugs, don’t tell anyone anything, and don’t return to the scene of the crime. This is part of the lesson plan from the Bad Guy 101 Training Manual, 1st Edition.
  2. Learn about  employers’ emergency operations plans. This is known as “casing the joint.”
  3. Staying home from work, school, and all activities. AKA – On the Lam.
  4. Talk with the people who need to be included in your plan. AKA – Meeting with the gang to coordinate the next caper.
  5. Plan ways to care for those who might be at greater risk for serious complications. Make sure the slowest and dumbest accomplices don’t get caught. Help them during the getaway. Never snitch.
  6. Get to know your neighbors. Find out if the guy in the house next to yours is a cop. If so, don’t do anything to attract attention to your operation.
  7. Create an emergency contact list. Always carry a list of phone numbers of good defense attorneys and the local bail bondsman.
  8. Wash your hands often with soap and water. Doing so removes trace evidence, such as gunshot residue and and the blood of your latest victim.


*The coronavirus is serious, and not something to be taken lightly. This post is merely intended to add a smidgeon of tongue-in-cheek brightness to a cloudy day. However, if you take a moment to focus on the information you’ll see that it is indeed instructional and could be used as research for works fiction … sort of.

Please stay safe. Do go out unless absolutely necessary. Wear your masks and gloves. Use disinfectants and hand sanitizers.