Jack Reacher Retires…WHAT??

Jack Reacher retires...what?

Don’t you absolutely despise “click-bait” headlines? Do they make feel a bit sick and disgusted, or even slightly dirty, like you can’t wash your hands enough after tapping the “enter” key? I know I do. But while contemplating the subject for a while I thought about my own blog titles, and that’s when I hung my head in shame. Yes, I’m guilty. I write those same types of attention-getters, like the one above.

But I really did see a news story about Reacher retiring from his butt-kicking and name-taking lifestyle, and I’ve listed the headline below as proof, along with a few other “click-baits of the day.”

Here, see for yourself.

1. Jenny Milchman’s Never-ending Book Tour Expands to Mars: Author’s Tales Are Instant Sci-Fi Hits on the Red Planet.

2. Hank Phillippi Ryan Reveals She Has No Idea How to Stop Smiling

3. April Henry Beats Both Ronda Rousey and Holly Holm in Stunning MMA Tagteam Match

4. D.P. Lyle to Perform First Open Heart Surgery on Fictional Character: Jan Burke to Present Live, On-Air Coverage

5. Jack Reacher Retires: Lee Child Taps Chris Grabenstein To Fill Vacancy

6. Sue Grafton Allowed Inside University Safe Spaces to Help Students Learn Alphabet

7. Richard Castle Caught at Local Motel 6 With Author Melanie Atkins: Beckett Sues for Divorce

8. Water For Elephants Author Sara Gruen Builds Modern Ark, All Animals Expected to Attend Maiden Voyage

9. The Walking Dead’s Michael Cudlitz to Direct and Produce New FX TV Show, The Zombies of Southland

10. David Browning, The Mayberry Deputy, Named to Replace Disgraced and Ousted Mayor Pike

11. Karin Slaughter to Headline New Comedy Central Show, Killin’ It With Karin

12. Seamus Dever Threatens to Shoot Lanie If She Mentions Lividity “Just One More Damn Time”

13. Marcia Clark Named to Replace Anita Bryant as Spokesperson for Florida Citrus Commission, Citing the Former Prosecutor’s Extensive OJ Expertise

14. Arrest Warrants Issued After Scotland Yard Formally Names Patricia Cornwell as Jack the Ripper

15. Stephen King Pens Tale About Dean Koontz: Koontz Writes Book About King. Stories Cancel Each Other and World Ends.

16. James Lee Burke Fan Opens His Latest Book and Immediately Drowns in Swamp Water

17. Facebook Explodes After Going One Second Without People Bashing Someone or Something

18. Comet Expected to Strike and End Life on Earth Veers Away at Last Second: Releases Statement Citing Abundance of Stupid People as Reason for Detour

19. Earth Demands Apology From Sun Because All Shadows Are Not Equal in Size

20. Seen in another paper – Earth Demands Safe Space Because Other Planets Refuse to Revolve Around It

21. Senate Passes “Leave All Children Behind” Bill: Politicians Heard Saying, “We don’t worry about the future. It’s all about now and ME!”

22. TV Network Promotes Novel News Show Featuring Actual News: Idea Canned for Being too Edgy

23. Autotune Disabled: Modern Music Dies

24. 2016 Writers’ Police Academy Named As Most Exciting Writer Event on Earth. Details Coming soon. You are going to be so, well, excited!