Well, it finally happened. Melanie ventured over to the dark side this week, resulting in the reversal of our roles. See for yourself, if you dare. Tread lightly, though, because her claws and fangs are showing, and she’s out for blood!

Melanie Atkins

Last week, I was the good cop. I loved Veritas, while Lee hated it. That actually happens quite often, as many of you know. This week, however, I cannot be the good cop, because I despised For Better or Worse. Except for the delightful scenes at the beginning filled with wedding prep and a stumbling block that should’ve been easily removed, plus the touching scene between Martha and Kate near the end, I want to erase the entire show from my brain.

Andrew Marlowe said in a TV Guide interview I just read that they’re setting up a “new mythology” for season seven. I don’t care. I wanted the wedding they led us to believe would finally happen. We’ve struggled through six years of stumbling blocks, some of them stupid, some of them not… and now to have to endure a season finale filled with more of them — most of which seemed totally contrived — I feel cheated. I’m angry. I want to scream. The horrific way the episode ended was just the icing on my I-hate-you-Andrew-Marlowe cake. If I hadn’t been in a hotel room watching a TV I do not own, I might have thrown something through it.

Marlowe had better fix this ASAP when the new season opens, or he’s going to lose viewers. Kate and Rick might be fictional people, but Castle fans have invested a heck of a lot of time and energy in following this show, and we want a payoff, not a rip-off. That’s happened to me too many times before with other shows, thanks to bad writing and poor story-making decisions. I did not expect such a debacle from Marlowe. He says in the interview that we should trust him, that we’ll eventually get our happy ending, and yet after last night’s tragic fiasco of the wedding that never happened… I’ll believe it when I see it. We, as loyal viewers, deserve better.

Lee Lofland

Is it safe for me to come inside? Is Melanie gone? Yes?

It’s not that I don’t trust you guys, but I think I’ll draw my weapon and clear the room before I begin.

Okay, she’s definitely gone. So let’s begin my part of this, shall we say, bad cop/bad cop review.

First of all, and I know this will come as a shock, but I liked this episode. Well, I liked parts of it. Sure there were a few goofy things relating to police procedure, like Beckett driving her police car around the countryside for a couple of days while in a jurisdiction other than her own.

Not to mention the entire trip was unrelated to an NYPD case. Then she parks the car on a dirt road, in plain view, within binocular range of a mobster hideout.

And no one spots it, even though the mafia dude is supposedly smart enough to elude the local police and FBI for a very long time. Yeah, right.

Still, I thought “Kit Kat” did another nice job of acting this week. She was even convincing when she used a Slim Jim to open a locked door on her husband’s truck. If you’ll recall, Esposito also used one of these devices in an earlier episode—Under Fire.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with breaking into locked vehicles, here’s a quick lesson.

Slim Jims are most effective on older model vehicles, since most modern car doors unlock electronically. Still, a person with lots of practice and skill can use a Slim Jim to gain entry to almost any car.

Slim Jim with rubber grip

Cut-outs are used for hooking various lock parts

In the old days we all carried a Slim Jim in our patrol cars, and we unlocked several cars each week for the unfortunate folks who’d locked their keys inside. Then, when cars moved away from the manual locks to electric, the risk of damaging electrical systems caused most police agencies to abandon the service. Well, that and the number of officers who managed to get the devices firmly stuck inside car doors.

By the way, carrying a Slim Jim around in your car, along with a screwdriver or two could be considered as “possession of burglary tools.”

Got it? Good. Let’s move on to more interesting parts of the show. Like when Castle saw the “head” roll onto the barn floor? His expression? Well, that’s a face only a mother could love, bless his heart.

Then there was the cameo appearance of the folks from Duck Dynasty.

Still, as funny as some parts of the show were, it was a bit of a chore to sit through hurdle after hurdle after hurdle that prevented the happy couple from walking down the aisle. It was total BS, and a slap in the face to Castle fans who’ve waiting to see a wedding for what seems like hundred years—a hundred years of stupid excuses, subtle hints, and goofy writing.

Speaking of writing, this episode seemed like it was intended for a kid’s show, not for the gazillion Castle fans who deserve much better than what those behind the Castle keyboards offered this week.

For me, though, I enjoyed the humorous parts of the episode. However, if I learn that 3XK is behind Castle’s apparent abduction/crashed and burning car, well, I’m done. I believe I’ll have to leave the reviews to Melanie.

But, at least Beckett was held hostage again this week. We do have that bit of normalcy to help get us through the tough times.

Anyway, it was a funny episode in part, but a huge disappointment otherwise. And it was kind of cool to see the bad cop side of Melanie. What a beast!

See you next season…maybe.

 

 

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This week Castle borrowed Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine and used it to take us on a trip to the 1970’s, when shoes were tall and halter tops were short. The 70’s arrived on the heels of the assassinations of King and Kennedy. It was a time was of festering and changing social issues, Reddy’s song “I Am Woman,” and demonstrations protesting the war in Vietnam. Castle writers, however, chose to take us to the lighter side of the era.

Aside from the episode’s somewhat iffy murder case, the rest of the show was, well, if you were a child of the 70’s you already know that segment of history was, in some respects, almost magical. And that feeling of “goodness” was what flowed from the TV set this week. Well, that was my take. Let’s see what Melanie has to say.

Melanie Atkins

The long spring hiatus is finally over, but I must say I was a bit disappointed in this episode. I wasn’t happy with the writing or the story line. After all the hype, I expected a better plot. I liked the show okay up until the strange turn in the case involving Harold Leone, the man who was stuck in the ’70s, and his boss—the victim—Vince Bianchi. That was one weird twist out of the blue I did not see coming. Seemed more sensational than possible. Just sayin’.

Not that any of the rest of the show was normal, except for the body-discovery scene at the beginning. Harold believing it was still 1978? Martha providing ’70s set dressing for the precinct? Everyone wearing period dress? All of it was odd, but I was able to suspend my disbelief to go along with most of it… especially the funny parts.

I thought Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie had the best outfits and all of the best lines. I didn’t even recognize Seamus Dever (Ryan) at first. He looked totally different. And Esposito sliding off the hood of the Starsky & Hutch-style car? Priceless.

Martha’s strange, gung-ho ideas about Rick and Kate’s wedding were off-the-wall as well, but believable (for her). I do hope they keep her far away from everything related to their nuptials, or I’m sure they’ll live to regret it.

I really don’t have much else to say about this episode, except that once the big twist took us down the yellow brick road, the whole thing went downhill. The final scene at the disco with Harold dancing alone and paying homage to Vince made me shake my head. Seriously?

If I recall correctly, I panned the last episode written by David Amann as well. Maybe Andrew Marlowe should rethink some of these odd stories. We only have three more episodes left to watch this season. I certainly hope Amann didn’t write any more of them.

Lee Lofland

As many of you know I’m still homeless, living in a hotel until our new house deal is all said and done. And, as a result, I’m without a DVR (the horror of it all), so please forgive the brevity of my portion of these reviews. Hopefully, I’ll see “normal” in a few weeks. Until then I’ll leave it to Melanie to do all the heavy lifting.

As for this episode—the 70’s Show thing—I thought it was fun. And, for me, it was a refreshing change from the usual routine boilerplate scripts. The scene in the precinct was “groovy and hip,” and it took me back to the “good old days” of 8-track tape players and record albums filled with the music of Led Zeppelin, The Carpenters, Carole King, James Taylor, and The Temptations. Then there was Pink Floyd’s mega hit album “Dark Side of the Moon”. It was also the time when we lost Jimi, Janis, Jim, and, of course, Elvis.

Television in the 70’s introduced us to Fred Sanford, Kid Dyn-O-Mite “JJ” Evans, Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda, and The Bionic Woman. Then the curtain went down, slowly, bringing an end, a sad end I might add, to The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour and The Carol Burnette Show.

Anyway, back to Castle. The case of the week was just that…weak. But the rest of the show, well, I enjoyed the hour of memories. As an episode of Castle…not so much.

I almost forgot…Lanie and the rubber mold of the murder victim…puhleeze.

Lastly, as Carol Burnett said so many times,

“I’m so glad we had this time together

Just to have a laugh or sing a song

Seems we just get started and before you know it

Comes the time we have to say, ‘So long.'”

 

 

Well, it had to happen sooner or later, considering Rick Castle’s fascination with all things strange and unusual: A ninja-centric Castle episode.

Melanie Atkins

The Way of the Ninja was a funny, fast-moving change of pace from last week’s angst filled drama, and I loved it. So many great lines and fun ninja fight scenes. Even had a little romance thrown in.

The show began with the brutal murder of a Japanese ballet dancer, then quickly refocused on Kate and Rick at the loft getting ready for the day. Kate turned down Rick’s suggestion they go to Lincoln Center that evening to hear some great jazz, because she’s supposed to have dinner with an old friend. Kate doesn’t seem too thrilled to be meeting her friend, so Rick offers to go along. “Definitely not,” Kate responds with a smirk. “You’re exactly her type, and the last thing I need is to watch someone from my past trying to seduce my fiancé while talking about the goddess that lives in her hoo-ha.” So funny! I laughed so hard, I had to run the DVR back to catch the next scene.

I was thrilled to see Perlmutter back, but less elated with his certainty the knife that killed the dancer had been hurled into her chest. He also claimed she died from having her left anterior descending artery severed before he’d done an autopsy. Heck, she was still at the crime scene with all her clothes on. Guess Perlmutter, like Lanie, has gone psychic. Didn’t like that part.

The ninja stealing the murder weapon out of Rick’s hand after they found the shrine had me rolling again. Classic Castle. Enter the woman from the Japanese consulate. I pegged her as the killer… and a ninja. Was I wrong? Yes, but only on one count.

While Kate went to have dinner with her old friend, Rick and the boys investigated the area surrounding the crime scene and found a Japanese hostess bar. More good, clean Castle fun, even with Rick being lured into a back room for some “private time” by one of the hostesses… to research a lead, of course. Ryan singing karaoke cracked me up again… especially when the guy dragged him off stage. Hilarious. Then the three of them got thrown out of the place, and the manager slapped a bill for $6K into Rick’s hand. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Kate’s evening with her friend didn’t turn out like she’d expected, either. Instead of her friend raving about her perfect life and inner goddess, she complained about her boring married life. This led Kate to question Rick about their life once they married. Would their relationship turn staid and boring, or would they keep romance alive? Rick suggested they put a promise to keep romance aflame in their marriage into their wedding vows. A noble idea followed up by a series of increasingly passionate kisses.

More twists and turns in the case as the show moved along had me picking a different person as the killer every five minutes. I must say I never zeroed in on the murdered girl’s sister as a member of law enforcement or Bedford as the killer and the “green dragon”, the man who had killed their parents back in Okinawa. When the sister unmasked Bedford after the epic final ninja fight, I was genuinely surprised. Although I’m betting Lee picked him right off.

Any way you look at it, The Way of the Ninja was a fun, entertaining episode. It held my attention and kept me laughing even after the show ended. Of course, Rick slinging the throwing star lodged in his phone into the captain’s office helped with that. How can Kate think life with Rick Castle would ever be boring?

Lee Lofland

I was happy to see Perlmutter this week. Well, I was glad until he opened his mouth to speak, spewing a ton of gobbledygookish nonsense. But then I realized what had actually  happened that turned my happy face into one gigantic frown. That wasn’t Perlmutter at all. Instead, I believe Lanie had someone in her one-stop-shop-we-do-it-all voodoo laboratory build a ventriloquist dummy that looked like Perlmutter. Because the real-life Perlmutter would never, not in a million years, say the stupid things that we heard the “dummy” say last night.

It was so bad that even the Perlmutter stand-in had a look of shame on his face when the ridiculous words fell from its wooden lips. You all know what I’m talking about, right? That nonsense about merely looking at a laceration on the victim’s chest and then magically determining that someone had “hurled” (the dummy’s word, not mine) a knife at the victim.

Even the untrained eye could certainly tell this wound (below) was caused by a knife that had been thrown by the killer, right?

Then, to add icing to the cake, Perlmutter the Pretender went on to say that the knife severed the victim’s left anterior descending artery.

AND, the faux M.E. went as far as saying the wound caused by the flying dagger killed the victim instantly.

The best/worst part of all this crap was that “Perlmutter The Sequel” was able to “see” this devastating internal damage to the victim while the body lay fully-clothed in the street—pre-autopsy.

This one earns this week’s PUHLEEZE award.

Step right up, folks, and see the incredible, amazing Dr. Perlmutter, the medical examiner with the gift of x-ray vision. No autopsy needed, and no waiting!

I know better, though. Perlmutter II must’ve answered one of those ads in the back of comic books. For the low, low price of $1 anyone can see through human flesh.

Add another twenty-five cents and buyers can see a friend’s body beneath their clothes.

As far as Beckett and the police procedure go… I think I’ll let Castle sum it up.

Of course, the ninja-killer was really easy to spot this week. When we first saw him he was standing, in silhouette, in front of a window. It was a great profile shot that screamed, “I’m the killer of the week!”

Overall, the show was a lot of fun. It took us back to earlier times when Castle and “the boys” were good for several laughs during the show.

But, my writer friends, please drop the pens and step away from the police procedure and M.E. material. You do not want this in your books. Well, unless you want to rid yourself of numerous fans/readers, and a whole lot of credibility.

 

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Writing these Good Cop/Bad Cop reviews over the past few years has been quite interesting, to say the least. Melanie and I write our individual sections without reading the other’s. Then they’re pieced together and images are inserted. Sometimes our view of the episodes are sort of close while other times we couldn’t be further apart if we stood on different planets. This week, I think I’m on Saturn and she’s on Mars.

How about you? Do you stand with Melanie, or do I bring out the Soft Scrub and try to wipe away those pesky rings before you arrive?

Melanie Atkins

Another good episode this week. Not great, but pretty darned good. A weird case, trouble in Alexis-land, and a wonderful moment between Alexis and Kate. Throw in Castle over the moon about the odd turns in the “story” that was their case, and I had to smile. Never mind the cringe-worthy statements from Lanie at the crime scene. I’d like to know how in the world she checked the victim’s liver temp when his shirt was still tucked in, but I digress.

As you know, I’m along on this ride to dissect the relationship part of the show. This episode did not disappoint. After we got a brief view of our victim at the Best Traveler’s hotel, Kate and Rick wake up to the smell of coffee and go investigate. They obviously believe they’re alone in the loft. Don’t know where Martha is, but I’m assuming she was out. Not only do they find a steaming cup of java on the counter, but Alexis pops up and scares them both to death. Turns out she spent the night because her tutoring job went late and she couldn’t get a train. Rick urges her to move back in since she and Pi the fruitarian broke up and she’s living alone now, but she resists, claiming she has to fulfill her lease.

Alexis’ decision bothers Rick, and he tells Kate he doesn’t understand why the girl won’t come home. Sure, Alexis said she wants to fulfill her lease, but he believes something else is going on. He’s also worried she’s burning the candle at both ends. Between school, her work-study program, and tutoring for extra money, she’s exhausted. Rick’s a good dad, so naturally he is concerned. Kate’s stark reaction to his insistence that something other than the lease is keeping Alexis from coming home told me Kate believes she may be the reason. That Alexis doesn’t want to interfere in Kate’s relationship with Rick, or that maybe the girl no longer believes the loft is her home.

As one, then two, and finally three seemingly ordinary people confess to the crime, Kate continues to ponder the situation with Alexis. We get a quick glimpse of a one-sided phone conversation with an anonymous person, and at first I assumed the call had to do with the case. Turns out, however, that Kate had taken the bull by the horns and called Alexis to set up a meeting at a coffee shop.

I’ve wanted to see Kate and Alexis bond for a long time now, but Alexis dove into her relationship with Pi around the time Kate and Rick got engaged and pretty much ignored Kate. Maybe she had trouble accepting the fact that her dad was in a real relationship, or maybe she was truly angry he had asked Kate to marry him without telling Alexis first. Who knows? Whatever happened, Alexis has finally morphed from a spoiled brat into a driven young woman, and I couldn’t be happier. I was also thrilled by her reaction to Kate’s concern that she was the reason Alexis didn’t want to come home. Kate also gave Alexis some great advice: “What you’re actually doing is punishing yourself,” Kate said. “This isn’t necessary. Your dad loves you. Your penance is paid.” She urged Alexis to at least think about it, and then she went back to work on one of the twistiest cases I’ve seen yet.

I did not guess the killer this week. Did any of you? Lee? I really thought the creepy doctor had something to do with it. He made the hairs stand up on my arms. Yet lo and behold… well, if you watched the show, you know the culprit. Not the best story ending, but then again the writers only have forty minutes to solve the case. Someone had to have killed that poor guy.

My favorite part of the show, other than Kate’s heart-to-heart with Alexis, was the last scene… when Alexis knocked on the door and asked her dad if she could move back home.

Rick’s joy at the prodigal’s return made me all gooey inside. Such a fabulous ending. I’m glad Alexis finally came to her senses and rejoined their happy family. Love. It!

Lee Lofland

Before we dive into the show, how many of you instantly thought of Led Zeppelin when you saw the EHI company logo?

Ah, so you’re not a Zep fan. Well, a very similar symbol appeared on the band’s untitled fourth album, known as Led Zeppelin IV. Singer Robert Plant said that in lieu of a title each of the band members decided to choose a symbol that best represented them. The logo we saw on the show last night was pretty darn close to the image selected by Zep bassist John Paul Jones. The symbol is believed to stand for someone who is confident and competent. Jones’s symbol has been seen on the cover of a book about the Rosicrucians, a religious cult in the middle ages. Perhaps Castle writers selected their image because of the cult-like workings of EHI. Maybe so.

The four symbols selected by the four band members of Led Zeppelin. Left to right – Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, John Bonham, and Robert Plant.

Okay, on to the case. One word. Pitiful. More words—one of the worst cases we’ve seen on the show…ever. I’m sure the ghost of Agatha Christie is on her way to the set of Castle to haunt the snot out of that place. Personally, I hope the NYPD is also on the way, but to arrest everyone connected with this episode, because we were robbed of a decent ending!

Marlowe and company told a quirky story that was sort of fun, but then dished out a killer without the first sign or clue that she could’ve/would’ve been the villain of the episode. Thankfully, they didn’t stray from the boilerplate script because Denene and I both decided the actor-woman was the murderer when she first appeared on screen. I think Marlowe has each killer attend a “guilty look” school before filming the episode. This character definitely gave us “the eye” when she appeared in the early scene at the theater. I think even she was amazed that Beckett and Castle discovered her identity because there wasn’t a single tidbit of evidence pointing in her direction.

Of course, the school of red herrings were there to throw us off track, and they were a fun part of the show.

But, Lanie… I think she’s been sniffing far too much formalin, and it’s beginning to pickle the part of her brain in charge of common sense. For example…

How could she possibly guess the size of the round that killed the victim of the week, when all she had to go on was a red spot on the dead guy’s shirt?

She said to Beckett, “Judging by the size of the entry wound I’d say it was a small caliber handgun.”

Well, not only can her Ouija Board tell her the size of the round, it now predicts the type of weapon used. Why not a .22 rifle? Why not a big and heavy .357 with a ten-inch barrel, but loaded with .38 rounds? It’s possible.

You cannot tell anything by looking at a red spot on a shirt other than it’s wet and has a hole in it. That’s it. Besides, without removing the shirt and/or conducting an examination, you couldn’t even be absolutely sure there was a wound beneath the red spot.

I finally figured out why we never see Lanie from the rear. I’m fairly certain there’s one of those pull rings back there that we used see on talking dolls. Marlowe pulls Lanie’s string and she says…

Okay, let’s put this lividity thing to rest once and for all. Lanie, Marlowe, and the rest of you out there in CastleLand, please read this section if don’t read anything else (I know a few of you read this blog, so there’s no excuse for these errors).

Even Castle knows better.

Lividity (sigh) is the pooling of blood at the lowest areas of the body. The process starts as soon as the heart stops beating. Picture yourself holding a garden hose, aiming a stream of water at your prize-winning onions. Suddenly, the water stops flowing (you forgot to pay your water bill). What happens to the water in the hose? It no longer has the pressure to send it to your garden (like a heart pumping blood throughout the body), so gravity takes over and pulls it to the lowest section of the hose.

Likewise, when the heart stops beating, blood is pulled (by gravity) to the lower areas of the body, where it begins to leak into and stain the tissue there. That stained tissue takes on a purplish color. If the victim is found lying face up, the back, and the back of the extremities will present the purple coloring. If the victim is lying face down, the chest, stomach, etc. will exhibit the purple tint.

So how do investigators and medical examiners know if lividity is present? THEY LOOK AT IT. THEY INSPECT THE BODY.

And, to inspect those areas what needs to happen? THE CLOTHING MUST BE REMOVED.

There is absolutely no way Lanie could offer any kind of information about the presence of lividity on this week’s dead guy. No way. Unless, of course, she’s wearing her x-ray specs.

Same thing for the liver temperature. Can’t check it without at least, as Melanie pointed out, pulling the shirttail from the pants.

So, my writer friends, are we good on lividity?

I thought so.

Oh, Beckett, it’s BOLO (Be On The Lookout), not APB. You had it right for so long, but have somehow slipped back into your old and evil ways.

I guess the relationship aspect was okay this week, but the case? Not so much.

By the way, what happened to the intelligent Castle, the guy who thought like Holmes and Poirot, and was able to solve these odd cases? Instead of the old Castle, we now have a fourth Stooge—Moe, Larry, Curly, and Castle. At least he did come up with the refrigerator door/water bottle thing. Still, the slapstick, dumb guy routine is wearing a bit thin.

However, Pi is gone and that’s a good thing. A really good thing.

So we’re done with this episode, and we hope to see you here again next week. Until then, here’s a song from the Led Zeppelin IV album. Any idea what its (the song) connection is to me?

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Well, this episode of Castle was much better than the last one. I enjoyed the case more (I’ll let Lee handle that critique) and was enthralled by all of the delicious Rick-Kate moments… even the touch of angst brought on by the wedding dress the fashion barracuda had Kate model.

Melanie Atkins

The first scene with Martha tickled my funny bone. Susan Sullivan is priceless in that role. Nobody else could play Rick’s mom with such theatrical flair. So smart and funny… and Rick and Kate agreed to try to book the Cordova House as a wedding venue. A beautiful place, truly… but it isn’t exactly what I have in mind for them.

Good thing, because Kate’s panicked hesitation during Rick’s phone call — while wearing the gorgeous, yet unusual wedding dress — caused them to miss out on booking the Cordova House for a spring ceremony. She looked beautiful in the dress. Beautiful, reverential, and overcome with emotion. Had the dress made everything all too real? Was she getting cold feet?

Of course not. She’s marrying Rick, right? She loves him… always. We learned later, after the two of them finally got to talk about her hesitation, that her balking about moving up the date came because she missed her mother. What little girl doesn’t dream of shopping for a wedding gown with her mom? Picking out flowers, planning the reception, digging through magazines for ideas. Maybe not everyone longs to do that, but Kate obviously does. She expected to see her mom standing behind her, looking at her in that dress, and all she saw in the mirror was empty space. Had to have been a punch to the gut. No wonder she freaked.

I loved how understanding Rick was after her declaration. She’s a lucky woman to have found such a kind, loving man. Kate was right saying her mom would’ve adored him… that goes without saying. He was Johanna’s favorite author, after all.

I was so happy when Kate told Rick she wanted to get married in the spring after all. Aha! Andrew Marlowe had hinted September wasn’t set in stone, and I’m so glad. Bet we’ll get a wedding finale in May. What do you think?

Loved this episode. It had the best beginning and ending scenes of the season, in my opinion. We got kisses. More than one!

Bring on the next new episode — in two weeks because of the Winter Olympics. Can’t wait.

Lee Lofland

You know, sometimes it’s difficult for me to write these “bad cop” reviews. Not because there’s nothing incorrect as far as the police procedure and forensics in this show. Goodness knows, there’s always a barrel full of goofy stuff in nearly every episode.

It’s just that I sort of dislike having to constantly ding poor Tamala “Lanie” Jones. Of course, having acted in blockbuster hits such as My Name Is Earl and Booty Call, well, I’m sure she’s used to hearing tongue-in-cheek comments about her characters.

But this is Castle, and Jones’ character is a medical examiner whose main purpose is to “info dump” clues so the killer can be located and arrested within the time allotted for the show. So, the information she provides could and should be, at the very least, somewhat accurate. If her character was spouting off nonsensical information on My Name Is Earl we wouldn’t give a flying flip.

However, Lanie is portraying an expert who should be providing reasonably accurate information to her TV detective friends. At the very least, she shouldn’t screw up things that totally defy common sense. For example, always saying that “based on lividity the time of death is…”

*Remember, my dissection of the police procedure and forensics is for the benefit of writers who do not want to make the same silly mistakes in the current works-in-progress.

Let’s all say this loudly enough so the Castle writers can hear us. “IF LANIE BASES ANYTHING AT ALL ON LIVIDITY, SHE MUST BE ABLE TO SEE THE EFFECTS OF LIVIDITY!”

You cannot see the purplish stained tissue/flesh caused by livor mortis (lividity) when the victim is fully clothed and lying face down with her long blonde hair covering the face. Lividity presents on the LOWEST points of the body; therefore, an examination of the body must be conducted to determine the stage of livor mortis (fixed or not). Even then, lividity is not the most accurate means of determining TOD (time of death), if at all.

Okay, enough of that tired and old rant. Let’s move along to this particular episode. Could it be that even Lanie is growing a bit tired of saying the same things over and over again, especially when the lines are as wrong/silly/dumb/incorrect/ridiculous as can be? Do I detect a silent apology and maybe a slight eye-roll as she once again mentions lividity?

Anyway, the victim of the week was strangled, and Lanie said the killer used “a scarf, a sash, or something.” That really narrows it down, huh? However, I have to question how anyone could make that determination in the field, BEFORE conducting an in-depth exam, especially when the ligature mark is extremely narrow and bears no resemblance to a scarf or a sash.

The mark, however, does have the appearance of “or something.” So I guess she called this one right (picture me doing an “eye-roll” here).

Next, Lanie told Beckett she’d found animal hair (dyed blue) on the victim’s neck. She even went a step further to say they’d been left there by the killer. I ask you this…HOW COULD SHE HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN THE HAIRS WERE LEFT BY THE KILLER?

Sorry…but this show makes me lose my patience, and I tend to shout when the writers force poor Ms. Jones to say stupid things. I’ll try to control myself for the rest of this review.

Okay, the body was found in a dumpster with tons of fabric and other items discarded from various clothing designers. Wouldn’t it be a safe bet to at least consider that someone who works in the high-fashion world just might be exposed to a garment made of blue animal hairs? Or, is it a new thing for all killers to stock and carry blue animal hairs to deposit at the scenes of their crimes. Did the Murderer’s Local 666 union negotiate a new contract that includes leaving blue animal hair at all crime scenes?

Let’s not forget Lanie finding black coral on the victim’s shoe (yes, I’m sitting here shaking my head from side to side). How in the &^*% would she know the stuff was black coral? Is there nothing her Ouija board doesn’t have in its database?

How many of you noticed that Ryan was silently announcing a big clue when he tried to make a call using the landline in the dead woman’s apartment? Ryan picked up the receiver and instantly heard a lot of static on the phone (we heard it too). He frowned so hard his eyebrows almost came together as one. Then he glanced around his immediate area. Obviously, we were supposed to notice (and I did, and I knew exactly why he did it). The static was caused by a “bug” planted in a nearby lamp.

So, we’re to believe that the two women who lived in the apartment never bothered to have the phone company send someone over to repair the faulty line? Wouldn’t you want that problem fixed? And, were we supposed to believe that in New York City, in an upper floor apartment with plenty of windows, there would be absolutely no cell phone service?

By the way, I’ve used a handheld police scanner to check for transmitters. It worked quite nicely. The scanning function locked on a transmitter’s frequency when the scanner was close to the bug. Move away and the scanner began searching for a signal again.

Of course, back in those days some scanners also locked in on cordless and wireless phones. It was not uncommon to drive through a neighborhood and hear everything from people exchanging recipes to someone saying, “Hey, a cop car is driving by. Hide the dope.” Nowadays, that shouldn’t occur since phones have built-in protections. And, it’s not legal to possess a scanner that intercepts phone conversations. Actually, it was illegal to listen in back in the early days, too. But it happened automatically with certain scanners.

Ryan told the dead woman’s roommate that he’d have someone come by later to take her statement. Gotta call BS on that one. That’s his job and he should’ve taken the statement while he was there. That’s part of “clue-gathering.” But, how else would the writers have introduced the phone static that led to the bug in the lamp? This was lazy writing.

Hey, what happened to Beckett’s scar from the rifle bullet that hit her chest many seasons ago? It wasn’t there last night.

Let’s see a show of hands. How many of you knew right away which character was the killer?

Could he have been more obvious?

Beckett, though, had to learn the hard way that Julian was the murderer. She had to wait for DNA test results to come back (I guess she’d misplaced her copy of the boilerplate script).

She announced to the killer, and to the TV viewing audience, that the DNA of two people were discovered on a hairy, blue scarf found in a dumpster outside of his apartment. Well, that was great information, but to what did the lab compare the DNA in order to reach their conclusions? They had the dead body for comparison to one sample, but what about Julian’s DNA? Where/how did they obtain it? Perhaps the second DNA sample found on the scarf came equipped with a tiny ID bracelet on which was a message that read, “If found please return to Julian. I’m his DNA.”

Well, that brings us to the end of the goofy police stuff (as much as I cared to mention, that is). So let’s end this week’s review with something for you diehard fans of the mushy stuff…

 *By the way, I never edit my posts (there’s not enough time in the day), so please excuse the errors.

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