When Your Car Breaks Down In The African Bush: #HungryLions

When your car breaks down in the African bush

 

Not every African expedition goes as planned, and there’s nothing like car trouble while in an area that’s home to lions and other critters that sometimes consider humans to be the ultimate snack food. So, until help arrives there’s nothing left to do but…PUSH!

Yes, that’s Paul Beecroft on the left.

Next came attempts to tow. When that, too, failed, it was time to swap the Land Rover for one in better working order.

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Then it was time for the hotel bar.

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Views from inside the bar.

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Local book shop

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Tourist shop

Okay mystery writers and puzzle-solvers, Paul took this shot while out in the African Bush at night. Do you know what it is that he captured with his camera lens? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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The sun goes down…

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…and the moon comes up.

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Today’s photographer, Paul Beecroft, has spent a good deal of his life in law enforcement, in England. He’s worked Foot Patrol, Area Car, Instant Response Car and also as a Police Motorcyclist. Paul currently works as a coroner’s investigator and has traveled all over England, Wales, Scotland and even Germany to investigate crimes.

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Friday’s Heroes: Remembering The Fallen

Friday's Heroes - Remembering the fallen officers

 

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Sergeant Alejandro “Alex” Martinez, 52

Willacy County Texas Sheriff’s Office

November 21, 2014 – Sergeant Alex Martinez was killed when his patrol vehicle left the roadway and overturned several times.

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Deputy Sheriff Christopher Smith, 47

Leon County Florida Sheriff’s Office

November 22, 2014 – Deputy Sheriff Christopher Smith responded to a report of a possible house fire where he was shot and killed by ambush. The shooter then took the deputy’s service weapon and began to fire at other first responders, including firefighters. Another deputy was wounded during the gunfire.

Deputy Smith is survived by his wife and children.

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Deputy Sheriff James “Bart” Hart, 50

Elmore County Alabama Sheriff’s Office

November 23, 2014 – Deputy Sheriff Bart Hart was killed when a speeding car crossed the center line and struck his patrol car head-on. The 16-year-old driver along with two 16-year-old passengers were also killed in the crash. A fourth teen suffered serious, life-threatening injuries.

Deputy Hart is survived by his wife and daughter.

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Agent Edwin O. Roman-Acevedo, 36

San Juan Puerto Rico Police Department

November 26, 2014 – Agent Edwin Roman-Acevedo was shot and killed while attempting to stop a robbery at a pharmacy.

Agent Roman-Acevedo is survived by his wife and child.

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Overall officer line of duty deaths are up 16% in 2014.

Deaths by gunfire are up 65%.

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Deadly Force: Yes, An Unarmed Teen Could Kill You

Yes, an unarmed teen could kill you

Okay, raise your hand if you honestly believe that police officers go to work each and every day looking for someone to kill. How many of you think officers shoot people for fun? Do you think officers are trained to shoot to kill?

Are you on the fence about all of this deadly force stuff? Maybe you’re the person who thinks police officers should run and tackle the man who’s firing a semi-automatic at them. Or, perhaps you’d rather see officers duck and dodge bullets while trying to squirt pepper spray in the shooter’s eyes? Oh, wait. I forgot that many of you believe that pepper spray is too cruel to use on suspects (but it’s okay if the little darlings shoot at officers). Tasers are too violent. Beanbags could hurt someone (never mind that the “someone” is lobbing rocks, bottles, or bullets at the officers). Handcuffs … aww, they might leave a boo-boo on the wrists of the guy who just used an ax handle to beat his wife and kids just prior to biting quarter-sized chunk of flesh from the cheek of the officer who arrested him.

Shoot ’em in the knee! Shoot the gun from his hand!

Whatever the reason and/or belief, scores of people simply don’t know or understand the laws and/or the policies regarding the use of force, specifically deadly force. So let’s attempt to put this in perspective. First of all, deadly force can be used in self defense or in the defense of others. Therefore, if a police officer perceives his/her life, or the life of another, is in immediate danger, the use of deadly force is allowable by law. The key word in all of this is “perceive,” (to become aware of through the senses, especially sight and hearing).

One officer may see a situation in an entirely different view than other officers at the scene. One may feel his life is in immediate danger while another doesn’t necessarily see the encounter in the same light. Remember, each person has a unique view of every single situation. Only YOU can see from your own eyes. So, the Monday morning quarterbacks who cry “MURDER” at the top of their lungs every time officers use deadly force, well, they absolutely have no leg to stand on, nor can they make even a half-baked guess at what happened and why it did. Why not? Because they weren’t there when the event happened, therefore they are unable to see what happened through the eyes of the people who were there. AND, they could not—no way possible—perceive the situation in the same light as the officer(s) who are forced to fire their weapons in the course of their duties.

Sure, other police officers can rely on their own experiences to form their opinions of others in similar situations, but even they cannot say how another officer perceived the event because they cannot see through the eyes of another, nor can they adequately sense the emotions and thoughts experienced by another officer.

You know, I challenge anyone to walk in a police officer’s footsteps for one month. And I dare them to reach for pepper spray or try to shoot the gun from the hand of the guy who’s sending bullets in their direction. I dare them to wait until the shooter is out of ammunition and then calmly walk over to arrest the guy who’s twice their size and hell bent on killing a cop.

As an officer for 30 days, I dare you to allow someone to use a deadly weapon against your partners and friends while you stand idly by watching the events unfold. I dare you to hear and see gunfire and then run toward it hoping and praying you can stop the shooter before he kills someone.

I dare you to have the strength to live a “normal” life after killing someone while defending your own life or the lives of others. I dare you.

Police work is not a game where someone can sit at home and control the action with a joystick and a few buttons and wheels. It’s about real people doing a real job that just happens to be extremely dangerous.

What are the rules governing a police officer’s use of deadly force? Where did the rule originate? Was is drafted by a group of trigger-happy cops? Well, it may surprise some of you to know that the law pertaining to the use of force was set in stone by the Supreme Court, and it is the rule of law that must be adhered to by ALL police officers in the U.S.

“The “reasonableness” of a particular use of force must be judged from the perspective of a reasonable officer on the scene, rather than with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. The calculus of reasonableness must embody allowance for the fact that police officers are often forced to make split-second judgments—in circumstances that are tense, uncertain, and rapidly evolving—about the amount of force that is necessary in a particular situation.” [Graham v. Connor, 490 U.S. 386 (1989)]

*One thing to remember, department use of force policies can vary from one department to another. However, agencies can only make their rules tougher than the laws allow, not more relaxed.

Here’s a quick quiz about the use of deadly force.

Deadly Force Quiz

1. Police officers are legally allowed to shoot a fleeing criminal suspect, when?

a) never

b) only when the suspect has killed someone within the past three hours

c) only if the suspect clearly has a weapon in his hand(s)

d) when the suspect has killed someone and the officer believes the suspect will continue to kill or further cause serious bodily injury to others

2. Police officers must be absolutely certain that a suspect is in possession of a dangerous weapon before they’re legally permitted to use deadly force. True or False

3. An officer has been ambushed by two drunken criminals who continue to beat and batter her with a five-foot piece of lumber (2×4). She is unable to escape and is nearing the point of unconsciousness. She’s bleeding profusely from numerous head wounds and one eye is swollen shut. Therefore, she should…

a) somehow find a way to summon back up

b) only employ the use of non-lethal weapons in her attempt to arrest the suspects (remember, the attackers are not in possession of a gun or knife)

c) shoot to wound

d) fire a warning shot to encourage her attackers to retreat

e) take immediate action and use deadly force to stop the attack

4. Officers must always attempt to use less-lethal weapons before resorting to deadly force. True or False?

5. A sharpened stick could be considered as a lethal weapon. True or False?

6. A combative suspect armed with a broken beer bottle suddenly charges an officer. The police officer may use which of the following as a means/weapon of defense?

a) pepper spray

b) Taser

c) firearm

d) bar stool

e) all of the above

7. Which of the following could be used as a lethal weapon?

a) spatula

b) X-box video game console

c) high-heeled shoe

d) pickle jar

e) a and c

f ) a and d

g) All of the above (each of the items listed have been used as a murder weapon).

8. An automobile could be considered as a deadly weapon? True or False

9. A driver attempts to flee after committing a crime. During his attempt to escape police custody the driver strikes a uniformed police officer with his getaway car. The officer dies at the scene.

a) the driver can be charged with murder

b) the car is a murder weapon

c) all police are pigs and the cop got what he deserved

d) it was an accident, therefore no crime was committed during the escape

e)  a and b

f) a, b, and d

10. There are clear and defined laws that all police officers must follow when using deadly force. An officer’s perception and opinions must never be considered before pulling the trigger. True or False

Bonus Question

Is it possible for an unarmed teenager to beat an adult male to death using only his bare hands?

Before you answer, I’ll save you the trouble of contemplating all the “what-if’s.” Remember, this is only one instance. There are many, many others.

At the age of 17, Juan Antonio “Johnny” Gonzalez punched Officer Jonathan Molina in the face a couple of times and then grabbed his legs and took Molina to the sidewalk. Gonzales continued the brutal assault on the ground where he punched the officer in the head two or three additional times. The force of the beating was enough to cause a fractured skull, facial fractures, and serious brain injury. Officer Molina died as result of the injuries.

Officer Molina, a large man of over six-foot in height and well over 200 lbs., was a military combat veteran who’d served the police department for four years before his murder. Needless to say, the officer was well-trained in defensive skills and tactics.

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Officer Jonathan Molina, 29

Officer Molina’s attacker, Juan Antonio “Johnny” Gonzalez, was 17-years-old at the time he beat Officer Molina to death.

KIVA News reported that Gonzales posted this message to his Facebook page soon after the beating of Molina.

“I hope u (Medrano) didn’t get caught I killed the guy, he went into compulsions and died. Haha JK Weii I seen that shit on the news. Dude turn on the news dude there’s all this crap going on.”

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Gonzales as he appeared at the time of Officer Molina’s murder. (Busted ElPaso Facebook photo).

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Gonzales during his trail for the murder of Officer Molina.

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Answers To Quiz

1. d

2. False

3. e

4. False

5. True

6. e.

7. g

8. True

9. e

10. False

Bonus Question

Yes, definitely.

*By the way, police officers are NOT taught/trained to kill anyone. They’re taught to stop a threat. Nothing more. Nothing less.

** Please do not “read between the lines.” This is an informational post for those who writing includes police officers and their procedures. This is not an opinion of the events in Ferguson, nor is this blog a forum for race issues, President Obama, politics, cop-haters, etc. Any comments along those lines will be deleted. **

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Castle: Kill Switch – A Good Cop/Bad Cop Review

Castle: Kill Switch

“No, I didn’t lose him. I just don’t have visual contact.” ~ Esposito

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Melanie Atkins

Drama and tension replaced last week’s lighthearted take on the Old West in the latest episode of Castle. Drama and tension in the form of Esposito held hostage on the subway, with Rick, Kate, and the rest of the crew racing to figure out why the man in question had snapped. Or had he? He might have planned the incident, or even something worse. Either way, he had detained one of their own at gunpoint, then revealed he wore a suicide vest held in check by only a dead man’s switch. The episode focused on the case rather than on the Rick-Kate romance/marriage, but did give us a glimpse of something building between Esposito and Lanie. Finally.

I’ll let Lee handle the bulk of the review because the episode was so case heavy, but I do want to say that the beginning of the episode brought us much of the same banter we’re used to seeing between Rick and Kate, despite their recent marriage. I guess some things never change. And apparently events of late, namely Rick’s disappearance, his and Kate’s wedding, and Esposito’s own unexpected brush with death have made Esposito rethink his fear of a deeper relationship with Lanie. I believe he’s thinking that life’s too short to waste any more time. What do you think after the way he hugged her at the end of the episode? She was worried sick about him, too. Uh huh. Something is definitely brewing there.

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From what I hear, we’ll see a lot more movement on the Esposito-Lanie front in at least one more episode before the winter hiatus. I’m not surprised. Those two have always gravitated toward one another, and life events have scared them both. Guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.

Looks like next week’s episode brings us back to the lighter side of Castle. Can’t wait to see what happens!

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Lee Lofland

This one was just okay for me. Of course, Lanie presented her typical “cause of death” announcement at the scene. Sure, a big, round hole in the center of the forehead is an excellent indicator that internal damage caused by whatever made the cavern did indeed cause the demise of the victim. Still, he could have been, for example, poisoned by a jealous wife who then stole her lover’s handgun to make it look as if he, not her, killed the victim. Stranger things have happened, believe me.

Then there was Beckett who picked up a scrap of material of some sort and then announced that the killer used a backpack or cloth to muffle the shot. Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! What, does the NYPD not have access to laboratories and/or scientists?

*A round hole in the flesh, or anywhere else, actually, is not always caused by a bullet. Nor does a scrap of burned material always, if ever, indicate a backpack or cloth was used as a silencer on the weapon that made a round hole.

Other procedure faux pas include Esposito giving up his weapon to a bad guy (I won’t mention the fact that this was the umpteenth time one of the crew has been taken hostage). No, no, and NO!! Not now, not ever! You know they should know better after all this time, right?

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The uniformed officer had her service weapon taken from her in a single, very easy tug from the bad guy.

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Actually, it’s not quite that easy to pull a sidearm from a cop’s holster. Officers carry their pistols in holsters that are designed to provide a maximum level of retention/security. Therefore, it’s a bit of a chore to remove a gun from the security holsters worn by most officers. Not impossible, just not easy.

Click here to read holster specs and details.

This question is for WPA attendees who participated in Eli Jackson’s (Author’s Combat Academy) weapon disarming and retention workshop. Do you believe Esposito should have attempted to disarm the villain du jour when he grabbed Espo’s phone from his pocket?

Other notes:

1. If the virus was so deadly, then why were Beckett and Castle not wearing protective gear/clothing when they visited the infected killer’s hospital room?

2. “You gold shield guys always act like you’re better than us.” ~ Uniformed officer to Espo, referring to detectives (gold shields).

We are better than you.” ~ Esposito.

For various reasons, these feelings do exist within departments.

3. Another hostage situation…really? Grr…

4. Another bomb situation…really? Grr…

5. Tori, the IT person, is truly getting under my skin. Her instant access to everything, everywhere is absolutely annoying.

Finally, I did enjoy seeing Esposito handle the tense hostage situation. He does a great job portraying a police officer. Not quite to the levels we saw on Southland (Michael Cudlitz and crew), but still very nice. The same for Ryan, but in a way that’s complimentary to their role as partners. Another nice touch was the emotional connection between the detectives. They’re close friends, like officers in the real world, and it’s a bond that often lasts a lifetime.

 

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Tired of Cold and Snow? Let’s Go To Africa With Paul Beecroft!

Tired of cold and snow?

 

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Paul Beecroft has spent a good deal of his life in law enforcement, in England. He’s worked Foot Patrol, Area Car, Instant Response Car and also as a Police Motorcyclist. Paul currently works as a coroner’s investigator and has traveled all over England, Wales, Scotland and even Germany to investigate crimes.

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Friday’s Heroes: Remembering The Fallen

Friday's Heroes - Remembering the fallen officers

 

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Officer Justin Winbrenner, 32

Akron Ohio Police Department

November 16, 2014 – Officer Justin Winebrenner was shot and killed while confronting an armed suspect. Another officer was wounded during the gunfire, as were three citizens.

Officer Winebrenner is survived by his young daughter and fiancee.

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Sergeant Jeffrey Wayne Greene, 54

Union County North Carolina Sheriff’s Office

November 19, 2014 – Sergeant Jeffery Greene was killed when a tractor-trailer overturned and landed on his patrol car, crushing it. He is survived by his wife, two daughters, and five grandchildren.

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Officer Ronald A. Leisure, 66

United States Department of Veterans Affairs Police Services

November 14, 2014 – Officer Ronald Leisure suffered a fatal heart attack while on foot patrol at a VA medical center. He is survived by his adult daughter.

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The Professor Takes On Creating Fictional Characters

Believable Characters

 

The Professor joins us today to share a few tips on developing well-rounded and layered characters. As in his last tip, Interviewing Your Characters, The Professor once again emphasizes that police investigators have got what it takes to concoct believable fictional characters. Here’s why.

When officers search a suspect’s apartment or a murder victim’s home, they’re not only looking for physical evidence of the crime, they’re also seeking information about killer and/or the current deceased resident. Therefore, they take a good hard look at the possessions in the home. Personal objects tell a vivid story.

While conducting the in-depth search, detectives are essentially reading a visual autobiography. They’ll learn things such as the person’s favorite color, their favorite authors, the extent of their wealth (if any), secrets (a diary or journal), left- or right-handed, natural hair color/non-natural hair color, travels, family history, clothing style and sizes (there may be clothing found that doesn’t belong to the victim, or that belongs to the killer), shoe sizes and brands, etc.

So, The Professor suggests that writers may want to build a list of the personal possessions that belong to the character-in-progress. Doing so will greatly assist authors in developing and building a character’s personality, and how and why the character goes about his/her daily affairs.

Lets say you’re developing a female protagonist, a woman who’s known for her superb crime-solving abilities. You might want the reader to see the sleuth’s home as a place crammed full of mystery novels and forensics manuals, magnifying glasses of assorted sizes, and a fully-functional DNA lab in the basement. However, her most prized-possessions are a large assortment of big, floppy straw hats.

As the readers step into your character’s kitchen they glance around, taking in the overall scene. On the laminate counter top, next to a shiny, Empire red KitchenAid artisan stand mixer, are two unopened bottles of an “As Seen On TV” weight loss product. (“But, wait! For the low, low price of $19.99 you’ll receive a second bottle of Lard-Ass-Be-Gone absolutely free, if you order within the next two seconds.”). Did the murder victim struggle with weight issues?

The pantry shelves are home to neat rows of canned goods, one non-stick pot, one glass baking dish, two plain white plates, two diner-style coffee mugs (Cafe DuMonde), two bowls, two glasses featuring scenery from Graceland, instant potatoes, 90 second rice, boxed soups of various flavors, and an assortment of tea blends from all over the world. Everything is arranged by size and species and they’d been placed in alphabetical order with all labels facing forward.

The kitchen is spotless. Like the rest of the house, not a thing is out of place. You couldn’t find a dust bunny if you tried.

A tour of the victim’s bedroom closet exposes only comfortable, flat shoes in shades of browns or black, and nine floral-print dresses in various hues of red. Her medicine cabinet contains denture cream, Ibuprofen, and partially-used container of Clairol age-defying dark-brown hair dye.

Have you started to develop a mental picture of the character yet? Do you have some sort of idea of her mannerisms? If you close your eyes are you beginning to see someone who maybe looks a little like this…

Now that we have an outline of our character, and we know a bit of her personality (she’s a neat freak who prefers comfort over style, and she loves, loves, loves, tea), we can start to add some color between the lines. To do so, writers should take a look at their character’s possessions and then ask why they possess each of those items.

The denture cream. Does she own it because she actually has dentures, or is there a gentleman caller with detachable upper and lower plates who often spends the night? How about the assortment of exotic teas? Does she drink the stuff, or is she merely an eccentric collector? Are the tea packets souvenirs from extensive travel? Maybe her gentleman caller is an airline pilot who picks up the various blends during his extensive travels.

So, you see, building a character can be fun. All you have to do is unlock your imaginations and go where your warped little writer-minds take you.

After all, there are countless characters out there who’re on standby, waiting for an invitation to step into your stories.

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Castle: Once Upon a Time in the West – A Good Cop/Bad Cop Review

Castle: Once upon a time in the west

“We approach this like writers.” ~ Castle

“So…we procrastinate and make stuff up?” ~ Beckett

“No, by doing research.” ~ Castle

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Melanie Atkins

Friends angry because they weren’t invited to the wedding? Check. Ryan and Esposito were extra angry. A weird case involving a New York City woman allegedly poisoned at an Arizona dude ranch? Check. A honeymoon for Rick and Kate at this same dude ranch? Check. Although I would call it a quasi-honeymoon. Too much case and not enough honeymoon for my liking.

The episode was funny, however. Funny and outlandish, with some silly parts thrown in that made me roll my eyes. They used every western cliché known to man, and that only added to the zaniness. Nathan is great at comedy, and his body language and natural delivery made even the silly parts work.

Let me just say I adore married Caskett. They’re touchy-feely, free with goofy nicknames, and so in love they make my teeth hurt. The sweet, sexy campfire scene really had me going until the snake appeared (they have a habit of messing everything up, don’t they?). And of course Kate the city girl shot at the snake, and the horses — nicknamed Espo and Ryan by Rick — ran off into the night, stranding him and Kate in the middle of nowhere. Cliché, but hilarious.

I liked the way the writers kept the real Ryan and Esposito, and even Gates, in the mix via phone calls about the case. This gave the show balance and helped to tone down the silliness. Everything came together once Rick and Kate found the gold. Wait… no, not gold. A skeleton where the gold should have been. Rick’s showdown in the saloon was just the icing on the cake. Funny lines, more classic clichés, and the murderer in handcuffs.

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Ryan and Esposito’s gift to Kate and Rick — giving some of their vacation days to Kate so they could have a proper honeymoon, really made me smile. As did her lassoing Rick (in that plaid shirt) while wearing the sexy white dress (petticoat?) Bring on the real honeymoon. Too bad we won’t get to see it.

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Lee Lofland

What a fun episode. After all, who doesn’t like horses, desert scenery, and Castle exposing every ounce of his goofiness.

Of course, we all know that tox reports wouldn’t come back as quickly as they did in this show, nor would the tests detect foxglove without a specific reason and request to look for it—there are no all-encompassing tests. Additionally, simply because a poison is found in a victim’s bloodstream doesn’t mean they were murdered. And, in the real world detectives do indeed travel to other locations/jurisdictions/states/counties, cities, etc. to investigate their cases. Still, case aside, the script led to several giggles and chuckles, as well as some clever one-liners.

1. “Replica?” ~ Castle, on the gun carried by bad guy/killer du jour.

“Son, this is Arizona. It’s open carry.” ~ James Grady, bad guy/killer du jour.

2. “You go first. Check for snakes.” ~ Castle to Beckett before entering abandoned gold mine.

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3. “You got a hankering for a residence in the bone orchard?” ~ Bad Guy/killer du jour to Castle prior to saloon shootout.

4. “Once again, not invited.” ~ Ryan, expressing his disappointment over missing the wedding.

Of course, #3 ended with Beckett saving Castle by shooting the gun from the hand of the bad guy. You do know that sort of thing only happens on TV, right? If not, writers, I suggest you follow Castle’s instruction and conduct a bit of much needed research. You know, like attending the 2015 Writers’ Police Academy, which, by the way, is going to be absolutely FABULOUS! I’m just saying…

By the way…

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Finally…

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Swedish Massage Day For Rabbits…Or, All Lions To The Treadmills

Swedish message day

A funny thing happened on the way here this morning. My day started as usual, with me turning on my computer, checking emails, a quick peek at Facebook, a hurried glance over the day’s headlines, and logging into my site.

Imagine my surprise when, as I reached my log-in page, I bumped into a pimple-faced young man wearing thick, round spectacles, a sky blue button up shirt (pocket filled with an assortment of pens and mechanical pencils), faded jeans, and white sneakers.

The stranger’s pale complexion flushed bright pink when he turned and saw me behind him. Of course, I immediately asked what he was doing at the entrance to my website with his ear tightly smashed against the juice glass he held to the door. Well, let me tell you, that nervous young fellow commenced to stuttering and stammering and banging his tongue and lips together as if they were completely out of synch. And, since his right ear was the color of over-ripe cherries, it was obvious that he’d been listening to our conversations. That’s right, he was listening to you and me as we discussed the latest cop stuff.

On the floor next to the geek’s feet were a dozen or papers, all laying at various angles, like he’d been shuffling through trying to find a particular page. Before the odd man could object, I reached down and grabbed a couple of the lined sheets, and I was startled by what I saw written in bold, blue ink—The Graveyard Shift. Past keywords…guns, ammunition, dead bodies, rigor mortis, police, bad guys, terrorists….

Being the clever detective that I am, I immediately figured out the guy was spying on my website and its readers. Another glance down the page and I discovered my cell number. And then I saw credit card activity, email addresses, passwords, and NSA… Hey, that’s the National Security Agency. The Feds. I had to look away because this was making me ill. Not only was the guy spying on my website, he’d been monitoring my every move, which explained the bump I heard on the front porch last night (he was probably outside our windows, peering in to count the number of blueberries I’d placed on top of my 8pm snack of yogurt and fresh fruit).

I knew I had nothing to hide, but the thought of government computer-geek secret-agents watching me as I go about my daily business is a bit troubling to say the least. I started to think…hard. Were they also monitoring my water usage? Are they counting my flushes? How about watching me in the shower? Do I use too much shampoo for so few hairs? Am I a…a…(gulp), water-waster?

Do the NSA super-secret squirrels know about the piece of chocolate I ate yesterday. I know it’s against doctor’s orders, but it was calling my name. After all, it was that delicious dark chocolate from Trader Joes that I like so much.

You know, I’m all for keeping U.S. citizens safe, and I’m willing to go the extra mile to do so. But we already have TSA agents feeling up old ladies and pawing through our unmentionables. We’ve been forced to become the timid and submissive air traveler who cannot “cluck” too loudly about crappy service out of fear of being booted off a flight or being placed on a no-fly list.

We’re herded through airport security lines like cattle or chickens on the way to slaughter. We stand by silently and passively while our luggage is mutilated, mangled, or tossed into the bottomless black hole that surely exists somewhere in the bowels of all airports. We don’t talk back to the people in the blue shirts when they order us to remove our shoes, display our personal belongings to everyone in the line behind us, and hold our arms up and reach for the sky while “security” officers ogle our “sensitive” areas and blow a puff of air aimed at our armpits, feet, and crotches.

We have cameras at every street corner, on nearly every telephone pole, spy drones that look like hummingbirds, and satellite photography that’s so powerful it can zoom in on the hair on a gnat’s rear end.

We’re told what and how much to eat, and our favorite TV shows are interrupted so someone can tell us this is all for our own good. You know the drill. Eggs are bad. Eggs are good. Milk is bad. Soda is in. Soda is out. Green beans are good. Green beans are contaminated. All meat is poison. Brown rice is good. White rice is bad. No potatoes. No alcohol. And, whatever you do, don’t smoke the mary-j-wanna even if the plant can help cancer patients and people who suffer from chronic pain or epilepsy.

White people are bad. Black people are bad. Cops are bad. Pitbulls are bad. Gas-guzzling cars are bad. Our air is bad. Kids are bad. BAD. BAD. BAD. Everything these days is absolutely and unequivocally B.A.D.

Sure, taxpayer money multiplies freely and quickly, without end (yeah, right). Our dollars are always standing by ready for the plucking, and that’s what the government does best…pluck our hard-earned money directly from our wallets and purses.

So I have an idea. Instead of wasting so much time battling hard-working, honest Americans, how about finding out why it is that we’re forced to pay crazy-high taxes so politicians and the IRS can spend the money on lavish parties, conventions, trips, and gifts for themselves. The government spends our money like there’s a never-ending supply of the stuff (Their philosophy…don’t worry, if we run out of cash we’ll simply raise taxes on the people who make less than we do). Pluck those wallets!

And then there are the dollars spent on worthwhile projects like these chin-scratchers, ones that should cause the average person to pause for a quick, “Hmmm…”

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– $856,000 to teach mountain lions how to walk on treadmills.

– more than $200,000 to a research project that is trying to determine how and why Wikipedia is sexist.

– $30 million spent on catfish inspections by two separate agencies, while Homeland Security spent $66 million to do the same thing on the same catfish. Why not hire a couple of the noodlers we see on TV? Those folks make a weekend out of playing in muddy water, reaching their ham-hock size hands beneath stumps and logs to retrieve catfish the size of small rhino’s. And they do it for free, and I’ll bet they know just as much if not more about catfish than the average guv’ment man or woman.

– $10,000 to monitor the growth rate of saltmarsh grass.

– The military spends more than $1 billion each year on 159 contractors that translate foreign languages. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to buy assorted copies of Rosetta Stone and distribute them to some of the catfish-counters who might then have a real job?

– a $371,026 study to see if mothers love dogs as much as they love kids.

– $804,254 to develop a smartphone game called “Kiddio: Food Fight” The game was designed to show parents how to convince their children to make new healthier food choices.

– The National Technical Information Service sells reports to other federal agencies, 75% of which can be found online for FREE!

– $387,000 to study the effects of Swedish massages on rabbits.

And, of course, there are the pocket change items, like the $90,000 spent to upgrade security at a spring training camp for professional baseball players.

I have an excellent idea for you U.S. government spy-on-me-folks. How about turning the camera lenses around and let the citizens watch you guys for a change. Then again, I don’t think I want to see what you guys do behind closed doors. It’s already bad enough seeing what’s made public.

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Lizard and Killer Bees Poised To Add Realism To Fiction

Lizard and killer bees

 

Writers are forever searching for ways to bring depth, dimension, and personality to their characters who work in the field of death investigations.

One method of capturing that extra bit of realism is to pay close attention to what real cops, investigators, coroners, etc., post on social media and blog posts. Believe me, you’ll find a treasure chest overflowing with details that could make your characters rise to a level you never thought possible.

For example, professionals who see the worst that life has to offer on a daily basis often turn to the beauty of nature to take them away from the dark side of humanity, and there’s no better example to turn to than Coroner’s Investigator Paul Beecroft.

Paul investigates death. That’s what he does and he’s darn good at it.

In his off time, though, Paul, like many other law enforcement professionals, turns to nature—the earth, the oceans, the stars, plant life, and wildlife.

Yes, there’s a side of your characters that even you haven’t seen. Why not give them the opportunity to open up and let others inside their private world? You and your readers will be glad you did.

Here are a few beauties that recently caught Paul’s eye. Remember, his camera lens is typically aimed at dead bodies and crime scene evidence.

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Killer bees.

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Paul Beecroft has spent a good deal of his life in law enforcement, in England. He’s worked Foot Patrol, Area Car, Instant Response Car and also as a Police Motorcyclist. Paul currently works as a coroner’s investigator and has traveled all over England, Wales, Scotland and even Germany to investigate crimes.

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